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This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 173 pages of information about Getting Married.

But before we allow this to deter us from touching the sacred fabric, we must find out whether it is not already coming to pieces in all directions by the continuous strain of circumstances.  No doubt, if it were all that it pretends to be, and human nature were working smoothly within its limits, there would be nothing more to be said:  it would be let alone as it always is let alone during the cruder stages of civilization.  But the moment we refer to the facts, we discover that the ideal matrimony and domesticity which our bigots implore us to preserve as the corner stone of our society is a figment:  what we have really got is something very different, questionable at its best, and abominable at its worst.  The word pure, so commonly applied to it by thoughtless people, is absurd; because if they do not mean celibate by it, they mean nothing; and if they do mean celibate, then marriage is legalized impurity, a conclusion which is offensive and inhuman.  Marriage as a fact is not in the least like marriage as an ideal.  If it were, the sudden changes which have been made on the continent from indissoluble Roman Catholic marriage to marriage that can be dissolved by a box on the ear as in France, by an epithet as in Germany, or simply at the wish of both parties as in Sweden, not to mention the experiments made by some of the American States, would have shaken society to its foundations.  Yet they have produced so little effect that Englishmen open their eyes in surprise when told of their existence.

DIFFICULTY OF OBTAINING EVIDENCE

As to what actual marriage is, one would like evidence instead of guesses; but as all departures from the ideal are regarded as disgraceful, evidence cannot be obtained; for when the whole community is indicted, nobody will go into the witness-box for the prosecution.  Some guesses we can make with some confidence.  For example, if it be objected to any change that our bachelors and widowers would no longer be Galahads, we may without extravagance or cynicism reply that many of them are not Galahads now, and that the only change would be that hypocrisy would no longer be compulsory.  Indeed, this can hardly be called guessing:  the evidence is in the streets.  But when we attempt to find out the truth about our marriages, we cannot even guess with any confidence.  Speaking for myself, I can say that I know the inside history of perhaps half a dozen marriages.  Any family solicitor knows more than this; but even a family solicitor, however large his practice, knows nothing of the million households which have no solicitors, and which nevertheless make marriage what it really is.  And all he can say comes to no more than I can say:  to wit, that no marriage of which I have any knowledge is in the least like the ideal marriage.  I do not mean that it is worse:  I mean simply that it is different.  Also, far from society being organized in a defence of its ideal

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