ALL: (Together.) Repeat that now.
PHIL: (In terror.) I am the only man here ever had anything to do with your wife—just like that. (An automobile horn heard.)
GIRLS: Oh, here he is—(They run off. Business of men holding PHIL and finally rushing off as an enormous figure in Persian “get-up” enters.)
MRS. SCHUYLER: (Picking up PHIL.) Benchie, it’s sweet and accommodating of you to die for these three gentlemen—a favor I shan’t forget. (From behind the Persian giant steps a midget in swell citizen clothes)—“It’s Hamilton—(Mrs. Schuyler picks him up and kisses him.) Oh, Hamilton-I’m so glad you’ve come. (Crossing to Persian.) And Nehmid Duckin—it is an honor to have the prime minister with us. I’ll go for a stroll with you and come back when (Turning to husband) you’re through with this gentleman.
NEHMID: (In deep voice.) Is he the one?
MRS. SCHUYLER: Yes—you’re looking great. (Takes his arm.)
NEHMID: So are you! (In deep tones to PHIL.) And now sir, you explain. (Exits with Mrs. Schuyler.) (PHIL stands in terror, thinking a powerful foe stands behind him. In reality, it is the midget husband. PHIL tries to talk. At first he cannot.)
PHIL: (After comedy biz.) I have a wife with an affair—I mean an affair with your wife—what have you to say about it?
MR. SCHUYLER: (In piping voice.) I’m very angry. (PHIL starts—looks up to see where voice comes from—doesn’t see anyone—walks and bumps into HAMILTON—rolls up his sleeves.)
PHIL: (Bravely.) What have you to say about it? (Slaps his hand over his mouth.) Don’t say a word—I’ve been waiting for something like you to show up. (He backs HAMILTON off—his hand on his face.)
FINALE: (During this, ROSE enters in bridal costume to be wed to SHEIK. Servant enters announcing his death from eating Persian Plums.
SONG: “Who Sent These Persian Plums?”
Then, final meeting and happiness of lovers and comedy characters and picture as “My Little Persian Rose” is repeated for
MY OLD KENTUCKY HOME
A BURLESQUE IN ONE ACT
Author of “Love Blossoms,” “Cohen
“Before and After,” Monologues for Nat M. Wills,
Joe Welch, Etc., Etc., Author and Publisher