PHONSIE:  (Business.) Mommer!  Mommer!  Are you there? (Blows pea blower at her.)

GLADYS:  (Hand to cheek where he hit her.) Yes, dolling, mommer is here.

PHONSIE:  Say, mommer, am I dying? (Loud and toughly.)

GLADYS:  (Sadly.) I am afraid not, my treasure.

PHONSIE:  Why not, mommer?

GLADYS:  You are too great a pest to die, sweetheart.

PHONSIE:  But the good always die young, don’t they, mommer?

GLADYS:  (Still sewing.) But you were not speaking about the good—­you were speaking of yourself, my precious.

PHONSIE:  Ain’t I good, mommer, don’t you think?

GLADYS:  (Business.) Oh, I don’t dare to think!!!! (Moves up stage.)

PHONSIE:  Don’t think if it hurts you, mommer.

GLADYS:  (At dresser.) But come, it is time for your medicine. 
(Shows enormous pill.)

PHONSIE:  (Scared.) What is that, mommer?

GLADYS:  Just a horse pill, baby. (Puts it in his mouth.) There, that will help cure mother’s little man. (At table.)

PHONSIE:  Gee!  That tasted fierce. (Business.  Knock.) Some one is knocking, mommer.

GLADYS:  They’re always knocking mommer. (At door.)

VOICE:  Have yez th’ rint?

GLADYS:  I haven’t.

VOICE:  Much obliged.

GLADYS:  You’re welcome.

PHONSIE:  Who was that, mommer?

GLADYS:  That was only the landlord for the rent.  Alas, I cannot raise it.

PHONSIE:  Then if you can’t raise the rent, raise me, mommer.  Can’t
I have the spot-light to die with?

GLADYS:  Why certainly you shall have one.  Mr. Electrician, will you kindly give my dying child a spot-light? (Business.) There, dearest, there’s your spot-light.

PHONSIE:  (Laughs.) Oh, that’s fine.  Mommer, can I have visions?

GLADYS:  Why surely, dear, you can have all the visions you want.  (Shoves opium pipe in his mouth and lights it.) Now tell mommer what you see, baby!

PHONSIE:  Oh, mommer, I see awful things.  I can see the Gerry society pinching me.  And oh, mommer, I can see New York, [1] and there ain’t a gambling house in the town.

[1] Substitute name of any big city.

GLADYS:  He’s blind!!!!  My child’s gone blind!!!! (PHONSIE snores.) He sleeps at last, my child, my little dying child!!!! (Enter ALGERNON and BIRDIE.)

GLADYS:  (Discovers ALGERNON.) You!!!! (ALGERNON turns to Orchestra and conducts Chord with cane.) (GLADYS Left, ALGERNON C., BIRDIE R.)

ALGERNON:  (Chord.) Yes, Gladys Dressuitcase, once more we meet!!!!!

GLADYS:  And the lady with the Brooklyn [1] gown!!  Ah, you will start, but I know you in spite of your disguise, Birdie Bedslatz.

[1] Substitute name of the local gag town.

BIRDIE:  Disguise!  What disguise?