THE FELLOW: But you’re coming back again?
THE GIRL: Well—maybe—perhaps—If you’re good. (She exits laughing.)
THE FELLOW: She’s got me going. My head’s in a muddle, and I feel like a sailor full of horn-pipes. And that reminds me of Tommy Higgins’ latest song. It goes like this: (Here is introduced comic song. At finish THE GIRL comes running on from Right, dressed in a pretty summer dress, and carrying another pretty silk parasol. THE FELLOW takes his hat off and holding it high over his head, exclaims:) Here comes the rainbow after the shower!
THE GIRL: I must explain to you—I saw Genevieve—the cigarettes belong to her brother, Jack.
THE FELLOW: And I’ve just found out what belongs to me.
THE GIRL: What?
THE FELLOW: You! (He takes her parasol, opens it, and holds it in front of them for an instant so that their faces are hidden from audience. This is music cue for the Conversation Number which brings the sketch to a finish.)
Author of “Busy Isabel,” “How Ignatius Got
Pneumonia,” “When Wit Won,” “The War
Correspondent,” Etc., Etc.
GLADYS DRESSUITCASE . . . . . A Deserted Wife ALPHONSO DRESSUITCASE . . . . Her Dying Che-ild MOE REISS DRESSUITCASE. . . . Her Fugitive Husband BIRDIE BEDSLATZ . . . . . . . Her Doll-faced Rival ALGERNON O’FLAHERTY . . . . . The Villain Who Pursued Her
STREET IN ONE. . . LIGHTS OUT
Music: “Mendelssohn’s Spring Song,” Played in discords. Spot Light on L. I.
Enter GLADYS wearing linen duster and dragging a big rope to which is attached a case of beer with about eight empty bottles in it. She stops C.
GLADYS: (Tearfully.) At last I am almost home. Eleven miles walk from the sweat shop here, and that’s some hoofing it, believe me. (Sways.) Oh, I am faint (Looks over shoulder at beer case.), faint for the want of my Coca-Cola. (Enter ALGERNON R. I—wears slouch hat, heavy moustache, red shirt and high boots. She is facing L.) Oh, I have a hunch I’m being shadowed—flagged by a track-walker! But I mustn’t think of that. (Starts to drag case L.) I must get home to my dying child. He needs me—he needs me. (Exits L. I.)
ALGERNON: (Goes L. C. and looks after her.) It is Gladys—found at last! (Enter BIRDIE L. I. She is in bright red with white plumes and is a beautiful, radiant adventuress. )
BIRDIE: Did you get a good look at her?
ALGERNON: Yes—it’s Gladys and
she’s down and out—(Both together:)