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This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 421 pages of information about Writing for Vaudeville.

And the janitor gets ninety-five.

That shows you how education is coming to the front.  Wouldn’t it better, instead of sending a child to school, to learn him to clean out a cellar?

And what’s the cause of all the trouble?

The House of Representatives.

We send them to Washington to look out for the people and the only time they look out for the people is when they look out the window and see them coming.

Then they get $7,500 a year.  They spend $10,000 a year, and at the end of the year they have $100,000 saved.

No wonder they are careless with our money.

That’s all they got to do.  Sit around Washington and touch the treasury.

Every couple of days a fellow comes into Congress and says: 

“Good morning, Congress, let me have $4,000,000.”

That’s all they do, is make touches for millions.

You never heard of those suckers making a touch for a quarter, or a half a dollar.

To show you what they do with our money, look at our Weather Bureau
Department.

We pay a fellow $10,000 a year.  For what?

To tell us when it’s going to rain.

And he don’t know himself.

But he don’t want to know.

He knows that if he ever guesses it right, he is going to lose his job.  But believe me, it’s a soft job.

Nothing to do.

He gets up in the morning, eats a nice breakfast, smokes a good fat cigar; then he looks out of the window and says, “Fine weather to-day.”

Then he takes his umbrella and goes out for a walk.  I tell you, my dear friends, the way the country stands now, the country stands on the brink of a preci—­the country stands on the brink of a precip—­and if somebody shoves it, it is going over.

And the cause of all the trouble in the country is the crooked politics.

And that’s why the women suffering gents have gotten together and are fighting for their rights.

And you can’t blame them.

Now I see where one married woman has hit on a great idea.

She says there’s only one protection for the wives.

And that’s a wives’ union.

Imagine a union for wives.

A couple gets married.

And as soon as they get settled, along comes the walking delegate and orders a strike.

Then imagine thousands and thousands of wives walking up and down the streets on strike, and scabs taking their places.

The Art of Flirtation
A Two-Act for Two Men
by Aaron Hoffman

Author of “Toblitz, or The End of the World,”
“The New Leader,” “The Son of Solomon,”
“The Speaker of the House,” Etc., Etc.

THE ART OF FLIRTATION

STRAIGHT:  Say, whenever we go out together, you always got a kick coming.  What’s the matter with you?

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