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The following sections, if they exist, are offprint from Beacham's Guide to Literature for Young Adults: "About the Author", "Overview", "Setting", "Literary Qualities", "Social Sensitivity", "Topics for Discussion", "Ideas for Reports and Papers". (c)1994-2005, by Walton Beacham.
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| THE CONTRACT | 1 |
Thehusband’s dire mishap, and silly maid,
In
ev’ry age, have proved the fable’s aid;
The
fertile subject never will be dry:
’Tis
inexhaustible, you may rely.
No
man’s exempt from evils such as these:—
Who
thinks himself secure, but little sees.
One
laughs at sly intrigues who, ere ’tis long,
May,
in his turn, be sneered at by the throng:
With
such vicissitudes, to be cast down,
Appears
rank nonsense worthy Folly’s crown.
He,
whose adventures I’m about to write,
In
his mischances,—found what gave delight.
A
certain Citizen, with fortune large,
When
settled with a handsome wife in charge,
Not
long attended for the marriage fruit:
The
lady soon put matters ’yond dispute;
Produced
a girl at first, and then a boy,
To
fill th’ expecting parent’s breast with
joy.
Theson, when grown of size, a tutor had,
No
pedant rude, with Greek and Latin mad,
But
young and smart, a master too of arts,
Particularly
learned in what imparts,
The
gentle flame, the pleasing poignant pang,
That
Ovid formerly so sweetly sang.
Some
knowledge of good company he’d got;
A
charming voice and manner were his lot;
And
if we may disclose the mystick truth,
’Twas
Cupid who preceptor made the youth.
He
with the brother solely took a place,
That
better he the sister’s charms might trace;
And
under this disguise he fully gained
What
he desired, so well his part he feigned:
An
able master, or a lover true,
To
teach or sigh, whichever was in view,
So
thoroughly he could attention get,
Success
alike in ev’ry thing he met.
Inlittle time the boy could construe well
The
odes of Horace:—Virgil’s fable tell;
And
she whose beauty caught the tutor’s eyes,
A
perfect mistress got of heaving sighs.
So
oft she practised what the master taught,
Her
stomach feeble grew, whate’er was sought;
And
strange suspicions of the cause arose,
Which
Time at length was driven to disclose.
Mostterribly the father raged and swore;
Our
learned master, frightened, left the door,
The
lady wished to take the youth for life;
The
spark desired to make the girl his wife;
Both
had the Hymeneal knot in view,
And
mutual soft affection fondly knew.
At
present love is little more than name:
In
matrimony, gold’s the only aim.
The
belle was rich, while he had nothing got;
For
him ’twas great:—for her a narrow
lot.
O
dire corruption, age of wretched ways!
What
strange caprice such management displays!
Shall
we permit this fatal pow’r to reign?
Base
int’rest’s impulse: hideous modern
stain;
The
curse of ev’ry tender soft delight,
That
charms the soul and fascinates the sight.
Buttruce to moral; let’s our tale resume;
The
daughter scared; the father in a fume;
What
could be done the evil to repair,
And
hide the sad misfortune of the fair?
What
method seek?—They married her in haste;
But
not to him who had the belle debased,
For
reasons I’ve sufficiently detailed;
To
gain her hand a certain wight prevailed,
Who
store of riches relished far above
The
charms of beauty, warmed with fondest love.
Save
this the man might well enough be thought:
In
family and wealth just what was sought;
But
whether fool or not, I cannot trace,
Since
he was unacquainted with the case;
And
if he’d known it, was the bargain bad?
Full
twenty thousand pounds he with her had
A
sprightly youthful wife to ease his care,
And
with him ev’ry luxury to share.
Howmany tempted by the golden ore,
Have
taken wives whose slips they know before;
And
this good man the lady chaste believed,
So
truly well she managed and deceived.
But
when four months had passed, the fair-one showed.
How
very much she to her lessons owed;
A
little girl arrived: the husband stared
Cried
he, what father of a child declared!
The
time’s too short: four months! I’m
taken in!
A
family should not so soon begin.
Awayhe to the lady’s father flew,
And
of his shame a horrid picture drew;
Proposed
to be divorced: much rage disclosed;
The
parent smiled and said, pray be composed;
Speak
not so loud: we may be overheard,
And
privacy is much to be preferred.
A
son-in-law, like you, I once appeared,
And
similar misfortune justly feared;
Complaint
I made, and mentioned a divorce;
Of
heat and rage the ordinary course.
Thefather of my wife, who’s now no more,
(Heav’n
guard his soul, the loss I oft deplore,)
A
prudent honest man as any round,
To
calm my mind, a nice specifick found;
The
pill was rather bitter, I admit;
But
gilding made it for the stomach fit,
Which
he knew how to manage very well:
No
doctor in it him could e’er excel;
To
satisfy my scruples he displayed
May Heav’n preserve
from trouble those who find,
At cheaper rate, to be consoled inclined.
The quid pro
quo;
or
the mistakes
Dame fortune often loves a laugh to raise,
And, playing off her tricks and roguish ways,
Instead of giving us what we desire,
Mere quid pro quo permits us to acquire.
I’ve found her gambols such from first to last,
And judge the future by experience past.
Fair Cloris and myself felt mutual flame;
And, when a year had run, the sprightly dame
Prepared to grant me, if I may be plain,
Some slight concessions that would ease my pain.
This was her aim; but whatsoe’er in view,
’Tis opportunity we should pursue;
The lover, who’s discreet, will moments seize;
And ev’ry effort then will tend to please.
Oneeve I went this charming fair to see;
The
husband happened (luckily for me)
To
be abroad; but just as it was night
The
master came, not doubting all was right;
No
Cloris howsoe’er was in the way;
A
servant girl, of disposition gay,
Well
known to me, with pretty smiling face,
’Tis
said, was led to take her lady’s place.
The
mistress’ loss for once was thus repaid;
The
barter mutual:—wife against the maid.
Withmany tales like this the books abound;
But
able hands are necessary found,
To
place the incidents, arrange the whole,
That
nothing may be forced nor feel control.
The
urchin blind, who sees enough to lay
His
num’rous snares, such tricks will often play.
The
Cradle in Boccace excels the most,
As
to myself I do not mean to boast,
But
fear, a thousand places, spite of toil,
By
him made excellent, my labours spoil.
’Tis
time howe’er with preface to have done,
And
show, by some new turn, or piece of fun,
(While
easy numbers from my pencil flow,)
Of
Fortune and of Love the quid pro quo.
In
proof, we’ll state what happened at Marseilles:
The
story is so true, no doubt prevails.
ThereClidamant, whose proper name my verse,
Prom
high respect, refuses to rehearse,
Lived
much at ease: not one a wife had got,
Throughout
the realm, who was so nice a lot,
Her
virtues, temper, and seraphick charms,
Should
have secured the husband to her arms;
But
he was not to constancy inclined;
The
devil’s crafty; snares has often twined
Around
and round, with ev’ry subtle art,
When
love of novelty he would impart.
Thelady had a maid, whose form and size,
Height,
easy manners, action, lips, and eyes,
Were
thought to be so very like her own,
That
one from t’other scarcely could be known;
The
mistress was the prettiest of the two;
But,
in a mask where much escapes the view,
’Twas
very difficult a choice to make,
And
feel no doubts which better ’twere to take.
TheMarseillesian husband, rather gay,
With
mistress Alice was disposed to play;
(For
such was called the maid we just have named;)
To
show coquettish airs the latter aimed,
And
met his wishes with reproof severe;
But
to his plan the lover would adhere,
And
promised her at length a pretty sum:
A
hundred crowns, if to his room she’d come.
To
pay the girl with kindness such as this,
In
my opinion, was not much amiss.
At
that rate what should be the mistress’ price?
Perhaps
still less: she might not be so nice.
But
I mistake; the lady was so coy,
No
spark, whatever art he could employ,
How
cleverly soe’er he laid the snare,
Would
have succeeded, spite of ev’ry care.
Nor
presents nor attentions would have swayed;
Should
I have mentioned presents as an aid?
Alas!
no longer these are days of old!
By
Love both nymph and shepherdess are sold;
He
sets the price of many beauties rare;
This
was a god;—now nothing but a mayor.
O
altered times! O customs how depraved!
At
first fair Alice frowardly behaved;
But
in the sequel ’gan to change her way,
And
said, her mistress, as the foll’wing day,
A
certain remedy to take designed;
That,
in the morning then, if so inclined,
They
could at leisure in the cavern meet;—
The
plan was pleasing: all appeared discreet.
Theservant, having to her mistress said,
What
projects were in view: what nets were spread;
The
females, ’tween themselves, a plot contrived,
Of
Quid pro quo, against the hour arrived.
The
husband of the trick was ne’er aware,
So
much the mistress had her servant’s air;
But
if he had, what then? no harm of course;
She
might have lectured him with double force.
Nextday but one, gay Clidamant, whose joy
Appeared
so great, ’twas free from all alloy,
By
hazard met a friend, to whom he told
(Most
indiscreetly) what to him was sold;
How
Cupid favoured what he most required,
And
freely granted all he had desired.
Though
large the blessing, yet he grudged the cost;
The
sum gave pain: a hundred crowns were lost!
The
friend proposed they should at once decide,
The
charge and pleasure ’tween them to divide.
Our
husband thought his purse not over strong,
That
saving fifty crowns would not be wrong.
But
then, on t’other hand, to lend the fair,
In
ev’ry view had got an awkward air;
Would
she, as was proposed, consent to two?
To
keep things secret would their lips be true?
Or
was it fair to sacrifice her charms,
And
lay her open thus to dire alarms?
Thefriend this difficulty soon removed,
And
represented that the cavern proved
So
very dark, the girl would be deceived;
With
one more shrewd the trick might be achieved.
Sufficient
howsoever it would be,
If
they by turns, and silent, could agree
To
meet the belle, and leave to Love the rest,
From
whom they hoped assistance if distressed.
Such
silence to observe no hurt could do,
And
Alice would suppose, a prudent view
Retained
the tongue, since walls have often ears,
And,
being mum, expressive was of fears.
Whenthus the two gallants their plan had laid,
And
ev’ry promised pleasure fully weighed,
They
to the husband’s mansion made their way,
Where
yet the wife between the bed-clothes lay.
The
servant girl was near her mistress found;
Her
dress was plain: no finery around;
In
short, ’twas such that, when the moment came;
To
fail the meeting could not be her aim.
Thefriends disputed which the lead should take,
And
strong pretentions both appeared to make;
The
husband, honours home would not allow:
Such
compliments were out of fashion now.
To
settle this, at length three dice they took;
The
friend was highest placed in Fortune’s book.
The
both together to the cavern flew,
And
for the servant soon impatient grew;
But
Alice never came, and in her room
The
mistress, softly treading ’mid the gloom,
The
necessary signal gently gave,
On
which she entered presently the cave,
And
this so suddenly, no time was found
To
make remarks on change or errors round,
Thisscene just ended, t’other actor came,
Whose
prompt arrival much surprised the dame,
For,
as a husband, Clidamant had ne’er
Such
ardour shown, he seemed beyond his sphere.
The
lady to the girl imputed this,
And
thought, to hint it, would not be amiss.
Theentertainment o’er, away they went
To
quit the dark abode they were intent.
The
partner in amour repaired above;
But
when the husband saw his wedded love
Ascend
the stairs, and she the friend perceived,
We
well may judge how bosoms beat and heaved.
Themaster of the house conceived it best
To
keep the whole a secret in his breast.
But
to discover all, his lovely rib
Appeared
disposed, though wives can often fib;
The
silliest of the throng (or high or low),
Most
perfectly the science seem to know.
Somewill pretend that Alice, in her heart
Was
sorry she had acted such a part,
And
not a better method sought to gain
The
money which had caused her master’s pain;
Lamented
much the case, and tried to please
By
ev’ry means that might his trouble ease.
But
this is merely with design to make
The
tale a more impressive feature take.
Twoquestions may agitate around;
The
one, if ’mong the brotherhood renowned,
The
husband, who thus felt disgraced,
Should
(with the usual ornaments) be placed?
But
I no grounds for such conclusion see:
Both
friend and wife were from suspicion free;
Of
one another they had never thought,
Though
in the mystick scene together brought.
The
other is:—Should she, who was misused,
Have
sought revenge for being so abused?
Though
this sufficiently I have maintained,
The
lady inconsolable remained.
Heav’nguard the fair, who meet with ills like these,
And
nothing can their wounded minds appease:
I
many know howe’er, who would but laugh,
And
treat such accidents as light as chaff.
But
I have done: no more of that or this;
May
ev’ry belle receive her lot of bliss!