The Book of Good Manners; a Guide to Polite Usage for All Social Functions eBook

The Book of Good Manners; a Guide to Polite Usage for All Social Functions

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Table of Contents

Page 1

W. C. GREEN

The book of good manners is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America.  The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.

Accepting or declining invitations.  See invitations,
       accepting or declining.

Accidents.  See street etiquette—­men—­accidents.

Address.  The address of a person may be stamped
       on the stationery.

       If the address is stamped, it is not customary
       to stamp also the crest or monogram.

ADDRESSING ENVELOPES.

  Men.  A man should be addressed as Mr. James
       J, Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq.  Either
       the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not
       the two together.

       The title belonging to a man should be
       given.  It is not customary to use Mr. or
       Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used.

  Women.  A woman’s name should always have
       the Miss or Mrs.

       A woman should never be given her husband’s
       official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.

If a woman has a title of her own, she should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson, when the letter is a professional one.  If a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.

Addressing persons.  Young girls should be spoken
       of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie,
       but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie. 
       Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man
       in addressing a young girl as Minnie.

       Parents should introduce their daughter
       as My daughter Minnie, but should speak
       of them before servants as Miss Minnie.

       A married woman should be spoken of as
       Mrs. Agnes Wilson, and personally addressed
       as Mrs. Wilson.

Addressing and signing letters.  All answers to
       invitations should be addressed to the party
       issuing them.

Letters to a woman who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs. Wilson.

Letters to a man who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr. Wilson.

       For forms of addressing persons with titles,
       as Mayor, see under that title—­as, Mayor,
       Governor.

       The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or
       Very truly yours, or I remain yours with
       kindest regards.

Page 2

       The signature of a man should be John J.
       Wilson or J. Jones Wilson.

An unmarried woman should sign social letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter as Miss Minnie Wilson.  A married woman should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson.  In signing a business letter, a married woman may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson, or, preferably,

       Agnes Wilson
       (Mrs. John Wilson)

Afternoon calls.  These should be made between
       three and half-past five, and if possible on
       regular at home days.

       In making an afternoon call a man should
       wear the regulation afternoon dress.

  Dress—­men.  Afternoon dress consists of a
       double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
       and waistcoat, either single or double-
       breasted, of same, or of some fancy material
       of late design.  The trousers should be of
       light color, avoiding of course extremes in
       patterns.

White or delicate color linen shirts should
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and
undressed kid gloves of dark color.

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons, church funerals, and at all afternoon functions.

See also evening dress—­men.  Morning
dress—­men.

Afternoon receptions.  See afternoon teas. 
  Given by bachelors, See bachelors’ teas.

Afternoon teas (formal).  These are very successful
       as a rule, due perhaps to their small expense
       and few exactions, and are given with
       many purposes:  to introduce young women
       into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a
       number of her friends, to honor some woman
       of note, etc.

       A formal afternoon tea is one for which
       cards have been issued, naming set date.

Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house.  A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another African Teas man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.

       A policeman should be detailed for the occasion
       to keep back the onlookers, and should
       receive a small fee for his services.

At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters.  The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.

  Cards.  Each guest should leave a card in the
       tray in the hall.

Page 3

       A woman may leave the cards of the men
       of her family who have been unable to attend.

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.

A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter.  If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.

  Daughters.  The daughters who have passed
       the debutante age usually stand for an hour
       beside their mother to receive the guests,
       and afterward mingle with the guests to help
       to make the function a success.

  Debutante.  When a tea is given in honor of
       a debutante, she stands beside the hostess
       (usually her mother), and each guest is introduced
       to her.  Flowers should be liberally
       provided, and friends may contribute on such
       an occasion.

       The host and the men all wear the regulation
       afternoon dress.

       Women wear costumes appropriate to the
       afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the
       elaborateness of the function.

       Guests may suit their convenience in
       arriving, provided they do not come at the
       opening hour nor at the very end.

After leaving their wraps in the dressing- rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them.

       On entering the room, the women precede
       the men.

       After greeting the hostess and being introduced
       to those receiving with her, the guests
       move into the middle of the room.

       Guests go the dining-room when they
       wish without greeting the hostess.

It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon.  Twenty minutes is long enough.  It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving.  If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands.

       In the dining-room the men, assisted by
       the waiters, help the women.

When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.

  Host. Except when a newly married couple
       give a house-warming or a reception, the host
       does not stand beside his wife, but spends
       the time in making introductions, and doing
       his best to make the function a success.

Page 4

When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.

  Hostess.  The hostess and those receiving with
       her should be just within the door, ready to
       receive each guest as announced.

       The hostess shakes hands with each guest,
       and introduces them to those receiving with
       her.

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess.  A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests.  Music is always appropriate.

Hours.  The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.

Introductions.  The hostess should introduce
her guests to those receiving with her. 
See also introduction.

Invitations.  Engraved invitations are sent a
week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.

They are usually issued in the name of the
hostess only, though they may be issued in
the name of both husband and wife.

In place of the visiting-card, an “At
Home” card may be used, or cards specially
engraved for the purpose.

       When cards are sent to a married couple,
       the cards are addressed to both husband and
       wife.

Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.

  Invitations, answering.  It is not necessary
       to accept or decline these invitations, as the
       guest accepts by his presence.  If unable to
       do so, he should send by mail or messenger
       a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during
       the ceremony.

When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards.  If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.

       If the woman in the family is the only one
       present at the function, she can leave cards
       for the rest of the family.

  Men.  Both the host and men wear the regulation
       afternoon dress, consisting of the long
       frock coat with single or double-breasted
       waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth,
       and gray trousers.  White linen, a light tie,
       a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather
       shoes complete the costume.

Page 5

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases—­remembering that he must offer his ungloved right hand to the hostess.

  Shaking hands.  Guests on being presented to
       the hostess should shake hands.  If guest
       takes leave of hostess, they should shake
       hands.  If the hostess is surrounded by
       guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

  Women.  Women leave cards of their male relatives
       as well as their own, even though their
       names may be announced upon entering. 
       Guests leave their cards in a receptacle provided
       for the purpose, or give them to the
       servant at the door.

       Women wear a costume appropriate for
       the afternoon, and keep their hats and
       gloves on.

Afternoon teas (informal).  An afternoon tea is a
       simple entertainment.  Refreshments are
       generally served to the guests.  An innovation
       lately introduced has become quite popular
       —­namely, young women, invited for
       the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing
       in one dainty at a time.

An afternoon tea is called a formal afternoon
tea when engraved cards have been
issued, naming set date.

Cards.  Guests should leave cards in the hall, or
hand them to the servant.  Women may
leave the cards of the men of her family. 
Those unable to attend should send card the
same afternoon by mail or messenger.

         See also afternoon teas (Formal)-Cards.

Dress.  Both men and women wear afternoon dress.

Guests.  All guests, both men and women, wear
afternoon dress.

Guests may suit their convenience in arriving or departing—­provided they do not come at the opening hour, nor stay to the last moment.

After the guests have left their wraps in the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in the tray in the hall and enter the drawing- room, the women preceding the men.

       After greeting the hostess and being introduced
       to those assisting her, the guests quietly move
       away and mingle with the rest.

Each guest goes to the dining-room when he pleases and leaves when he wishes.  It is not necessary upon departure to shake hands with the hostess at a large reception, though it is better to do so at a small affair.

       It is not necessary for a guest to stay the
       entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient.

  Host. If present, he does not receive with his
       wife.  It is not essential that he be present
       on such an occasion.

  Hostess.  The hostess wears full dress.  Daughters
       may assist, or young women may be asked to do so.

Page 6

  Hours.  From four to seven.

  Invitations.  For an afternoon tea a visiting-
       card may be used with the hour and date
       written or engraved on it.  They may be sent
       by mail or messenger.

       The invitation need not be acknowledged.

Afternoon wedding receptions are conducted the
       same as Wedding Receptions, which see.

Agriculture, Secretary of—­how addressed. An
       official letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have sir,
       the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:  I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.

The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.

Aisle procession. 
         See wedding procession.

Anglican church archbishop. 
         See archbishop.

Anglican church Bishop. 
         See Bishop.

Anniversaries—­wedding.  These are as follows: 

First year...................Paper

Fifth year.................Wooden

Tenth year ..................Tin

Twelfth year.............Leather

Fifteenth year ..........Crystal

Twentieth year.............China

Twenty-fifth year.........Silver

Thirtieth year ............Ivory

Fortieth year.............Woolen

Forty-fifth year............Silk

Fiftieth year............  Golden

Seventy-fifth year......  Diamond

Less attention is now paid than formerly to all those before the silver wedding.  For specific information, see silver wedding, tin wedding, etc.

Announcement—­engagement. 
         See engagement public announcement.

Announcing guests—­balls.  The hostess decides
       whether or not the guests are to be announced. 
       At public balls it is customary.

Answering invitations. 
         See under functions, as
         dinners, invitations, etc.

Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces, and
       eaten with finders or forks.

Archbishop of Anglican church—­how addressed.
       An official letter begins:  My Lord Archbishop,
       may it please your Grace, and ends: 
       I remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace’s
       most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Lord
       Archbishop, and ends:  I have the honor to remain,
       my dear Lord Archbishop.

Page 7

       The address on the envelop is:  The Most
       Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.

Archbishop of Roman Catholic church—­how addressed.
       An official or social letter begins: 
       Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends:  I
       have the honor to remain your humble servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  The Most
       Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.

Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf
       by leaf and dipping into the sauce.  The
       solid portion is broken up and eaten with a
       fork.

Asparagus.  The stalks may be taken between the
       finger and the thumb, if they are not too
       long, or the green end may be cut off and
       eaten with a fork, scraping off with the
       knife what is desired from the remaining
       part.

AT HOMES.

  Afternoon at homes.  The days for receiving
       are engraved in the lower left hand
       corner of the card, with hours specified if one
       wishes.

No changes should be made in these hours by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons, and she should always be present at the time set.

       Unless very intimate, the call should be
       made only on the specified days.

  Bachelors.  It is not customary for a bachelor
       to use “At Home” cards as a woman does,
       nor to invite his friends by writing a date
       and Music at four on his calling-cards in
       place of an invitation.

  Dress.  In the afternoon the caller should wear
       afternoon dress, and in the evening evening
       dress.

  Acknowledging invitations.  Invitations to
       an ordinary at home need no acknowledgment.

  Invitations.  Cards for an “At Home” are engraved
       with the hour for beginning the
       entertainment—­as, Chocolate at 4.30 o’clock. 
       The invitations to a formal “At Home”
       should be sent in two envelopes, but to an
       ordinary “At Home” in one envelope.  For
       informal affairs the hour may be written on
       an ordinary “At Home” card.

Bachelors’ dinners.  They follow the usual custom
       of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as
       desired.  Women may be invited.  Such
       dinners are often given for men only.

  Calls.  Women do not call upon a bachelor
       after attending a dinner given by him.

  Chaperone.  If women are present, a married
       woman as chaperone is indispensable, and
       her husband must also be invited.  The host
       should call upon the chaperone and personally
       request the favor.

Page 8

The chaperone is taken into dinner by the host, unless the latter takes in the woman in whose honor the dinner may be given.  In the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the host’s left.  She gives the signal for the women to leave the dining-room.

       All guests should be introduced to the
       chaperone, and she should be called upon
       after a short time by the host.

  Dress.  All guests wear evening dress.

  Host. The host should call upon the chaperone
       within a few days after the dinner.

If men only are present, he either precedes or follows the guests into the dining-room, and if he has given the dinner in honor of some man, he has the latter seated at his right.  His duties are the same as the host at dinners.

  Invitations.  These are usually given in brief
       notes, but may be engraved, and are similar
       to the regular invitations to dinners, and are
       treated accordingly.

  Men.  The men wear evening dress, and follow
       the same etiquette as at other dinners.

  Women.  The women wear evening dress, and
       follow the same etiquette as at all dinners,
       except that no calls are made by them afterward
       upon the host.

Bachelor’s farewell dinner.  If the groom wishes,
       he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings
       before the wedding to his best man, ushers,
       and a few intimate friends.  He sits at the
       head of the table and the best man opposite,
       and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins,
       link cuff-buttons—­or neckties and gloves, if
       he wishes—­to the best man and ushers.

Bachelors’ luncheons.  These are conducted like
       bachelor’s dinners, which see.  The one difference
       is that, should the luncheon be given
       before 6 P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.

Bachelors’ opera parties.  See theatre and opera
       parties given by men.

Bachelors’ suppers.  These are conducted the same
       as bachelor’s dinners, which see.

BACHELORS’ TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS.

  Chaperones.  If women are present, a married
       chaperone is indispensable, who should be
       the first person invited by personal call.

       The chaperone at a small affair pours the
       tea, and at a large one she receives with the
       host, and each guest is presented to her.

       The host conducts the chaperone to her
       carriage, and also any other women who may
       have assisted her.

Page 9

  Dress.  The hosts and guests wear afternoon
       dress.

  Invitations.  These maybe oral, brief notes, or,
       for a large affair, engraved, and should be
       sent from three days to a week in advance.

  Host. The host should greet his guests at the
       door, shaking hands with each one, and introducing
       to the chaperone those not known
       to her.

He introduces guests who are strangers to each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the women to the door, and escorts the chaperone to her carriage, and if she has come alone without one, may very properly escort her home.

If at a large reception several women have
helped him entertain, he should thank them
and see them to their carriages.

He will, of course, see that there is provided
a dressing-room for women with a maid to
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in
good order, well furnished with flowers, and
that the refreshments are attended to. 

    See also invitations.

Men.  Afternoon dress is worn.

Women.  The invitations, engraved or oral,
should be promptly acknowledged.

Women wear dress customary at afternoon teas, and on their entrance should greet the host.  Upon departing they take leave of him, though this is not necessary if the reception be a large one.

       If a young woman knows that a chaperone
       is present, she need not have her own chaperone
       accompany her.

       If the chaperone leaves early, she should do
       likewise.

Bachelors’ theatre party.  See theatre and opera
       parties given by men.

Badges—­balls (public).  It is customary for men
       and women on the committees to wear on the
       left side of the breast ornamental badges,
       embroidered with the official position of the
       wearer.

Baggage.  If a man is traveling with a woman, he
       should see to the checking and care of her
       baggage. 
         See also traveling.

Wedding trip.  The best man should, some
time before the wedding, see that the baggage
of the bridal couple has been checked, and
the checks given to the groom. 
See also best man.

Balls.  A ball is an evening function, beginning at
       a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing.  The
       costumes are more elaborate, the supper arrangements
       more extensive, and the floral
       decorations more lavish than at a dance.

Accepting invitation to dance.  While a
young woman may accept or decline any invitation
to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy
to refuse one man for a dance and
to accept an invitation thereafter for the
same dance from another.

Page 10

  Announcing guests.  The hostess decides
       whether or not the guests are to be announced. 
       At public balls it is customary.

  Answering invitations.  These should be answered
       immediately, and if declined, the
       ticket should be returned.

  Arriving at.  There is no set rule when guests
       should arrive.

In the city, guests should arrive anywhere between eleven and twelve, and in the country, fifteen minutes after the hour set in the invitation.

  Asking women to dance.  A man asks for
       the privilege of a dance either with the
       daughter of the hostess, with any guest of
       the latter, or with any young woman receiving
       with her.

       On being introduced to a woman, he may
       ask her for a dance, and should be punctual
       in keeping the engagement.

It is her privilege to end the dance at any moment she wishes, after which he should conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat for her, after which he is at liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

Balls, assembly.  The etiquette at an assembly
       ball is much the same as at a private ball,
       the functions and duties of the hostess being
       filled by a committee of women selected for
       that purpose.

       On entering the room, the guests bow to
       the committee and pass on.

       It is not necessary to take leave of the
       committee.

  Carriage.  A man should provide a carriage
       in which to call for the woman he escorts
       and her chaperone.

  Chaperones.  For a small ball given in a private
       house, the hostess need not invite the mothers
       of the young women, and the young women
       can properly attend, knowing that the hostess
       will act as a chaperone.

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite the mother as well as the daughters, and the chaperone as well as the debutante under her care.  The mother can send regrets for herself, and send her daughters in care of a maid.  Or she can attend, and, after remaining a suitable time, she may entrust her daughter to the care of a chaperone who intends to remain the whole evening.

BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE.

  Dress.  A debutante should dress in white or
       some extremely delicate color, and wear very
       little jewelry—­some simple brooch or single
       piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.

Page 11

  Duties of daughters.  Except at her own
       debut, a daughter does not assist her mother
       in receiving.  She should be ready, however,
       to see that young women have partners, and
       to speak, without introduction, to strangers.

  Guest of honor.  If the ball is given in honor
       of some special person, he should be met on
       his arrival, introduced to the women of the
       reception committee, escorted to the seat prepared
       for him, and be looked after the entire
       evening.

       At the end of the ball he should be escorted
       to his carriage.

  Duties of host. It is not necessary that a
       man receive with his wife.  He should do all
       he can to help make the ball successful,
       especially if his name appears on the invitation. 
       He should assist in finding partners
       for the women, taking the chaperones into
       supper, preventing the men from selfishly
       remaining in the dressing-room, and at the
       end escorting unattended women to their
       carriages.

       When a formal supper is served, he takes
       into supper the leading chaperone.

  Duties of hostess.  As a ball is an entertainment
       for dancing, it is better to give two
       small balls where the guests are not crowded
       than one where they are.  It is permissible
       for a hostess not having sufficient room to
       hire rooms in some place suitable for the
       purpose.

       In selecting guests, it is wise to have more
       men present than women.

The hostess should see to it that the rooms are well ventilated and well lighted.  An awning and a carpet from the street to the hall door should be provided.

The hostess should stand near the door, prepared to receive the guests as they enter, shaking hands with each one, friend or stranger, and introducing any woman who may receive with her.

       A hostess herself should not dance until
       late in the evening, unless she knows that
       nearly all her guests have arrived.

       A wise hostess will personally see that the
       women are provided with partners, and that
       diffident young men are introduced.

The hostess should see that the floor is suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one for the men and one for the women, are arranged for with suitable attendants.

       The hostess should stand where the guests
       can take leave of her, and should shake
       hands with each when leaving.

  Hours.  In the city the hour for a ball to begin
       is from 10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country
       the hour is earlier—­from 9 to 9.30.

Page 12

       A public ball begins promptly at the time
       mentioned in the announcement.

  Invitations.  These are issued from ten to
       twenty days before the ball, and should be
       answered immediately.

       For an impromptu dance, they may be
       issued within a few days of the affair.

       These invitations should be engraved.  As
       a general rule, it is not now customary to put
       on them the letters R. S. V. P.

But when an engraved invitation is posted, two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing the person’s name only and unsealed, and the outer bearing both the name and address and sealed.

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a masquerade or costume, the invitation should have some words to that effect in the lower left hand corner—­as, Costume of the XVIIth Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.

  Invitations asked for strangers.  If a
       hostess receives a request from friends for
       invitations for friends of theirs, she can properly
       refuse all such requests, and no friend
       should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what
       she has no right to ask and which the hostess
       is under no obligation to give.  If the
       hostess chooses to grant the request, well and
       good.

       She would naturally do so when the request
       is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the
       one making the request.

       A man should never ask for an invitation
       to a ball for another person, except for his
       fiancee or a near relative.

A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend.  She should take care that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom the latter does not desire to invite.  No offense should be felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.

  Invitations given by A newcomer.  When a
       newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give
       a ball but has no visiting list, it is allowable
       for her to borrow the visiting list of
       some friend.  The friend, however, arranges
       that in each envelope is placed a calling-card
       of her own, so that the invited ones may know
       that she is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.

  Invitations answered. Every invitation
       should be answered as soon as possible, and
       in the third person if the invitation was in the
       third person.  The answer should be sent to
       the party requesting the pleasure, even if
       many names are on the invitation.

When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.

  Introductions.  When a man is introduced to a
       woman at a ball, he should ask her for a
       dance.

Page 13

  Men at.  Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration
       for his friends demands that a
       man who can dance should do so.

       To accept an invitation to a ball and then
       refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking
       in good breeding.

A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.

       It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to
       request a dance of a woman to whom he has
       been introduced.

A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms.  It may be at the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.

It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the hostess.  It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the guests follow her lead.

A man should see that his companion’s chaperone is comfortably seated, and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance.  Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old friend.

It is strictly the woman’s prerogative to decide to retire, and no man should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.

  Men—­carriage.  A man asking a woman to
       accompany him to a ball should call in a carriage
       for her and her chaperone.

  Men—­dress.  Men wear full evening dress in
       summer or winter, city and town.

       Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn
       at all balls.

  Newcomers.  See balls-invitations given by
       newcomers.

  PATRONESSES.  See public balls—­patronesses.

  Tipping servants.  Only at public balls is it
       customary to give a tip to the men and
       women in charge of the cloak-room.

  Supper.  Usually a buffet supper, being more
       easily handled and arranged for.  Supper at
       tables requires many servants, much preparation,
       and great care.

  Women at.  A mother should attend balls with
       her daughters, going and returning with
       them, and if she is not invited, they should
       decline the invitation.  The father can act
       as escort if need be.

       After greeting the hostess and guests, the
       guests pay their respects to the head of the
       house if he is present.

       Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.

Page 14

It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man.  A mother, elder sister, or married woman takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried woman.

If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her chaperone.  It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to dance that same dance with another.

       Both the hostess and the women wear their
       most elaborate costume for such an entertainment-
       decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.

       For a less elaborate affair the costume
       may be plainer.

Balls, assembly.  See assembly balls.

Balls, costume.  See costume balls.

Balls, debut.  See debut balls.

Balls, public.  See public balls.

Balls, subscription.  See subscription balls.

Bananas.  The skin should be cut off with a knife,
       peeling from the top down, while holding in
       the hand.  Small pieces should be cut or
       broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they
       may be cut up and eaten with a fork.

Baron-how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       My Lord, and ends:  I have the honor to be
       your Lordship’s obedient servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Baron Wilson.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lord Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
       very sincerely yours.

       The address is:  To the Lord Wilson.

  Daughter of.  See daughter of Baron.

  Wife of younger son of.  See wife of younger
       son of Baron.

Baron, younger son of—­How Addressed.  An
       official letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have
       the honor to remain your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
       yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Honorable John Wilson.

Baroness-how addressed, An official letter begins: 
       Madam, and ends:  I have the honor to remain
       your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable The Baroness Kent.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Kent,
       and ends.  Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely
       yours.

       The address is:  To the Lady Kent.

Page 15

Baronet-how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       Sir, and ends:  I have the honor to remain,
       sir, your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Sir John Wilson,
       or Dear Sir John, and ends:  Believe me,
       dear Sir John, faithfully yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To Sir
       John Wilson, Bart.

  Wife of, See wife of baronet.

Best man.  The best man is usually a bachelor, but
       may be a married man or a widower, and is
       selected by the groom.  He fills an important
       position, requiring tact, administrative
       ability, and capacity to handle details.  He
       acts as the groom’s representative, confidential
       advisor, and business advisor.

After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.

On the morning of the wedding-day he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.

       He breakfasts with the groom, and together
       they drive to the church.

  Calls.  He should call on the bride’s mother
       within two weeks after the ceremony, and
       also on the married couple upon their return
       from their wedding trip.

  Church.  He accompanies the groom into the
       chancel, and stands by his side till the bride
       appears, when he receives the groom’s hat
       and gloves, and stands a little way behind
       him.  When the clergyman bids the bride
       and groom join hands, he gives the ring to
       to the groom.

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom’s carriage and to return him his hat.  He signs the register, if a witness is needed.

It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.

       Especially is this a good arrangement if
       the best man has to walk with the maid of
       honor down the aisle.

After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride’s home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.

Dress.  If the bride presents the best man with
the boutonniere, he should go to her house
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the
lapel of his coat.

He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.

         See also groom-dress.

Page 16

Expenses.  The best man is the guest of the
groom, and in matters of expense this should
be borne in mind.

Reporters.  If such is the wish of the family
of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters,
and furnishes them with the names
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other details deemed
suitable for publication.

  Wedding breakfast. The best man escorts
       the maid of honor, and they are usually
       seated at the bridal table.

  Wedding reception.  The best man stands
       with the married couple, and is introduced
       to the guests.

  Wedding trip.  He should arrange beforehand
       all details of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car,
       flowers, baggage, etc.  He alone knows the
       point of destination, and is in honor bound
       not to betray it, save in case of emergencies. 
       He should see that the married couple
       leave the house without any trouble, and if
       the station is near, he should go in a separate
       carriage (provided by the groom) to personally
       attend to all details.  He is the last
       one to see the married couple, and should return
       to the house to give their last message
       to the parents.

Best wishes to bride.  One should give best wishes
       to the bride and congratulations to the
       groom.

Bicycling.  A man bicycling with a woman should
       extend to her all the courtesies practised
       when riding or driving with her, such as
       allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead
       on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous
       places, riding on the side nearest obstacles,
       etc.

  Men—­dress.  A man should wear the regulation
       suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbockers
       of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all
       eccentricities of personal taste.

Birth (Announcement).  If wishing to send congratulations
       after a birth, cards should be left in
       person or sent by a messenger.  Cut flowers
       may be sent with the card.

Bishop of the Anglican church—­how addressed.
       An official letter begins:  My Lord, and ends: 
       I have the honor to remain your Lordship’s
       most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My Dear Lord
       Bishop, and ends:  I have the honor to remain,
       my Dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.

       The address on the envelope:  To the Right
       Rev. The Lord Bishop of Kent.

Bishop (protestant)-how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Right Reverend and Dear Sir,
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain your
       obedient servant.

Page 17

       A social letter begins:  Dear Bishop Wilson,
       and ends:  I remain sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
       Montana.

Bishop (Roman Catholic)—­how addressed. An
       official or social letter begins.  Right Reverend
       and Dear Sir, and ends:  I have the honor
       to remain your humble servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of
       Ohio.

Bonnets (theatre).  A woman of any consideration
       should either wear no bonnet or remove it
       when the curtain rises.

It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.

Bouquets (wedding).  The bouquet carried by the
       bride is furnished by the groom, who should
       also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids.

BOWING

  Men, When leaving a woman at the door of
       her house, he bows and retires as the door
       is opened.

       When seeing a woman to her carriage, he
       should raise his hat on closing the door.

       On a railroad a man removes his hat in a
       parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.

       In elevators, when women are present,
       the hat should be removed.

       In hotel halls or corridors a man passing
       a woman should raise his hat.

       Men do not raise their hats to one another,
       save out of deference to an elderly person, a
       person of note, or a clergyman.

       In driving, if impossible to raise the hat,
       he should touch it with his whip.

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.

It is the woman’s privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance.  If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.

       A man may bow first to a very intimate
       friend.

       Meeting a woman to whom he has been
       introduced at an entertainment, he should
       wait until she bows first.

       After bowing to a woman, the man may
       join her, and with her permission may walk
       a short distance with her.

Page 18

He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time.  She may excuse herself and pass on.  He should not feel affronted.

       If he meets a woman he does not know
       accompanied by a man he does know, both
       men bow.

       The man accompanying her should bow
       to every man or woman to whom she bows.

  Women.  A woman’s bow should be dignified—­
       a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the
       head.

       Women bow first to men when meeting in
       the street.  A man may bow first if the
       acquaintance is intimate.

When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow.  If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.

Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary.  It is the woman’s privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.

       A man bowing and joining a woman on
       the street must ask permission to do so. 
       She is at perfect liberty to gracefully decline.

If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on.  If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it.  Such conversations should be brief.

Bread should be broken into small pieces, buttered,
       and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. 
       The bread should be placed on the small
       plate provided for the purpose.

Breakfasts.  Breakfasts are generally given from
       ten to twelve in the morning.  Very formal
       breakfasts are held at twelve o’clock.

  Calls.  A call need not be made after a simple
       breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

  Dress.  Street costumes are worn by men and
       women.

  Guests.  Guests leave half an hour after the
       breakfast.

  Hours.  The hour is from 12 to 12.30.

  Invitations.  Cards are engraved and sent a
       week in advance for formal breakfasts, but
       for informal breakfasts they may be written. 
       If given in honor of a special guest, the
       name is engraved on the card—­as, to meet
       Mr. Wilson.

  Men.  Men are usually invited, and they are
       often given for men.  Men wear street costume.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast.  A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

  Men leaving cards.  After a breakfast a man
       should leave a card for host and hostess,
       whether the invitation was accepted or not. 
       Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with
       an apology for so doing.

Page 19

  Women.  Women wear street costume, including
       gloves, the latter being taken off at table. 
       Women remove their coats and wraps, but
       not bonnets.

Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast.  A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.

  Wedding.  See wedding receptions or breakfasts.

Breaking dinner engagements.  When it is absolutely
       necessary to break an engagement made for
       a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as
       possible to the hostess, either by special delivery
       or messenger, giving the reason and
       expressing regrets.

  Bride.  The bride selects the church and the clergyman,
       and can, if she wishes, ask the latter
       personally or by note to perform the ceremony. 
       She selects the music for the ceremony
       and the organist, names the wedding
       day, and selects the ushers and the bridesmaids. 
       Of the bridesmaids, she may select
       one, some near friend, as the maid of honor,
       to act for her, as the best man does for the
       groom.

She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.

A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau.  The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal.  These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better.  Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.

  Church.  On the wedding-day, after receiving
       the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her
       house, she goes to the church with her father
        (or nearest male relative), and leans upon his
       arm as they proceed up the aisle, following
       the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bouquet
        (or, if she wishes, a prayer-book).

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her.  They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.

At the words of the ceremony, “Who giveth this woman away?” or, “To be married to this man?” her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom’s right hand.  After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

When the plighting of the troth comes,

Page 20

the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman.  He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride’s left hand.  When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.

       The kiss at the altar is no longer in good
       form.

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband’s right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends.  Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom’s carriage.

  Dress.  The bride is veiled, and is dressed in
       white-full dress, day or evening.  Gloves
       need not be worn in the church.  The bridesmaids
       provide their own outfit, unless the
       bride asks them to dress in a style of her own
       selecting.  In this case, she supplies them
       gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may
       wish.

  Farewell luncheon.  While a farewell luncheon
       given to the bridesmaids by the bride
       is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a
       woman to entertain her female friends the
       last time in her father’s house.

On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.

  Gifts.  The bride may give to the groom a ring
       as an engagement ring if she wishes.  She
       should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids
       as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also
       present them with flowers.  If she presents
       boutonnieres to the best man and the ushers,
       they should appear at her house before the
       ceremony and have her place them in the
       lapel of their coats.

       She should acknowledge immediately the
       receipt of all wedding gifts.

  Gloves.  The bride need not wear gloves in the
       church.

  Invitations.  At a church wedding the bride
       usually provides the bridesmaids with extra
       invitations for their personal use.

  Kiss.  Only the parents of the bride and her
       most intimate relatives should kiss the bride. 
       It is now no longer good form for all to do so.

  Seeing groom on wedding-day.  It is not
       customary for the bride to see the groom on
       the wedding-day till she meets him at the
       altar.

  Wedding breakfast. The bride and groom
       occupy the centre one of the small tables.

Page 21

At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together—­the bride and groom leading the way.

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.

  Wedding reception.  She should stand by her
       husband’s side to receive the best wishes of all
       present.  The guests are not announced, but
       are introduced by the ushers to the bride if
       not known to her.

       The bride should not leave her place to
       mingle with the guests until all have been
       introduced to her.

Bride’s family.  See family of bride.

Bride’s father.  See father of bride.

Bride’s mother.  See mother of bride.

Bridegroom.  See groom.

Bridesmaids.  The bridesmaids are selected by the
       bride, and number six, eight, or twelve—­
       mostly eight.  She usually gives them a
       dinner a few days before the wedding, at
       which she shows them the trousseau and discusses
       the details of the wedding.

The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place.  The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a substitute may be secured.

  Calls.  They call upon the mother of the bride
       within a week or ten days after the ceremony,
       and upon the bride, in her own home, after
       her return from her wedding trip.

  Carriages.  A carriage provided by the family
       of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the
       wedding-day, and takes her to the bride’s
       house.  Her carriage follows the bride’s to the
       church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to
       the wedding breakfast or reception.

  Church.  They meet at the house of the bride,
       and there take their carriages to the church. 
       While their carriages follow that of the bride,
       they alight first and receive her in the vestibule. 
       They may carry bouquets supplied by
       the bride’s family or the groom.

In the procession up the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide—­one-half to the right and one-half to the left.  The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for the bridal party to pass.

In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honor

Page 22

to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride’s home to assist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.

  Dancing.  At the wedding breakfast or reception
       dancing is sometimes indulged in.

  Dinner to married couple.  The bridesmaids
       usually give a dinner to the married couple
       on the latter’s return from their wedding trip.

  Dress.  They usually follow the wishes of the
       bride in the matter of dress.  Should she
       desire any particular style of dress, entailing
       considerable expense, on account of novelty
       or oddity, she usually presents them the outfit,
       which it is permissible for them to accept.

If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.

  Gifts.  It is customary for them to send a wedding
       gift to the bride.

       They usually receive a pretty souvenir
       from the bride and a bouquet from the
       groom.

  Invitations.  At a large church wedding several
       invitations are usually given to the
       bridesmaids for their own personal use.

  Rehearsals.  They should be present at all
       rehearsals.

  Wedding breakfasts.  They pair off with the
       ushers, and are usually seated at a table by
       themselves.

  Wedding receptions.  They stand beside the
       married couple, and are introduced to the
       guests.

Brother at debut.  A brother, when his sister’s
       debut takes the form of a supper or dinner,
       should take his sister (the debutante) into
       dinner or supper.

Butler—­tips.  It is customary for a man leaving a
       house-party where he has been a guest to
       tip the butler who acted as a valet.

Cabinet ( U. S,), member of—­how addressed. An
       official letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have,
       sir, the honor to remain your most obedient
       servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain
       most sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
       J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

Cake. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
       and then eaten with fingers or fork.

Page 23

Calls.  Unless close intimacy exists, calls should
       only be made on the specified days.

  Asking men to call on women.  A debutante
       should leave this matter to her mother
       or chaperone.

       A young woman, until she has had some
       experience in society, should be very careful
       in inviting men to call.

She should not invite a man to call whom she has met for the first time.  No man should be invited to call until she is assured of his social standing and character.

       In some parts of the country men first ask
       permission to call, and in other parts women
       first ask men to call.

  Asking women to call on women.  It is
       generally the custom for the married or elder
       woman to ask the unmarried or younger
       woman to call.

  Bachelors’ dinners.  See bachelors’ dinners
       —­calls.

  Breakfast. See breakfasts—­calls.

  Best man.  See best man—­calls

  Bridesmaids.  See bridesmaids—­calls.

  Chaperones.  See chaperones—­men calling.

  Business.  A business man may call in street
       dress upon a woman before six o’clock.

       Social visits may be made in the same
       manner.

  Days at home.  Calls should only be made on
       the regular “At Home” days, and the
       hostess should always be present on that day. 
       Very intimate friends may set aside this rule.

  Debutante.  See debutante—­calls.

  Dress.  When making an afternoon call, a man
       would wear afternoon dress, and evening
       dress in making an evening call.

  High tea.  See high tea—­calls.

  Hours.  When no special day for receiving is
       indicated, calls may be made at any proper
       hour, according to the custom of the locality. 
       Men of leisure may call at the fashionable
       hours from two till five in the afternoon, while
       business and professional men may call between
       eight and nine in the evening, as their
       obligations prevent them from observing the
       fashionable hours.

  Length.  A formal call may last from fifteen to
       thirty minutes.  Old friends may stay longer.

  Luncheons.  See luncheon—­calls.

  Men.  After entertainments.  After an entertainment
       a man should call in person on
       host and hostess, whether the invitation was
       accepted or not.  If a card is sent or mailed,
       it should be accompanied with an apology.

Page 24

       To call on an acquaintance in an opera
       box does not relieve one of the duty of making
       a formal call in return for social favors.

When calling on the hostess but not on the host, a man should leave a card for him.  If the hostess be out, he should leave two cards.

Married men can return their social obligations to women by personal calls, or the women of the family can leave the men’s cards with their own.

A call should be made the day following a luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a dinner, or at least within a week.  A call should be made within a week after a ball.

After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted, or leave his card, and should call within a week on the remainder of his guests.

  Men calling on men.  At the beginning of
       the season it is usual to leave a card for each
       member of a family called on—­one card for
       husband, wife, “misses,” and guest, or rest
       of the family.  Sometimes two cards answer
       the purpose.

       They may be sent by mail or messenger.

  Men calling on women.  A man should call
       only on “At Home” days, especially when
       making the first call, unless specially invited. 
       He should call at the hour appointed.

When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality.  Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours —­from two till five o’clock.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

       A business man may call in street dress
       before six o’clock, and the same dress in the
       evening, if intimately acquainted.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

       Evening or other than mere formal calls
       should not be made, save by special invitation.

       The first call should last not longer than
       ten or fifteen minutes.  It is correct to ask
       for all the women of the family.

At the first call he should give his card at the door.  At following calls it is optional whether to give a card or merely the name, asking at the same time for the person one desires to see.  When the servant’s intelligence seems doubtful, or the name is an unusual one, it is safer to give a card.

When a woman invites a man to call without specifying when, it is not considered

Page 25

as an invitation at all, but merely as a formal courtesy.

It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or otherwise an invitation to call from a woman.  It is her privilege to make the first move in such matters; otherwise she would be placed in an embarrassing position.

       When an invitation specifies the hour,
       every effort should be made to be punctual. 
       It is impolite to be too early or too late.

At a formal call, when others are present, a man should not be seated unless invited to do so.  He should leave as others come in, and not remain longer than ten or fifteen minutes.

A man having a card or letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone.  If she is out, he should mail it to her, and she should at once notify him whether he may call.

       If a caller is a stranger to the young
       woman’s hostess, he should send his card to
       the latter and ask to see her.

       The chaperone may, if desirable, give a
       man permission to call upon the woman
       under her charge.

A man should not call upon an unmarried woman until invited by her to do so.  He may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

  Gloves.  Gloves need not be removed at a formal
       or brief call.

  Entertainments.  At entertainments a man
       should give his card to the servant at the
       door or leave it in the hall.

       A few appropriate words of greeting should
       be addressed to the hostess and host as soon
       after entering as possible.

Personal introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, “At Homes,” etc.  One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.

       When light repasts are served, as teas, ices,
       etc, a man should put his napkin on his
       knee and hold the plate in his hand.

He should depart with as little ceremony as possible—­a bow and a smile, if host and hostess are engaged, are sufficient.  He should not shake hands and try to speak unless it can be done without becoming conspicuous.

  Men calling on women—­hat.  A man making
       a formal or brief call should carry his
       hat in his hand into the parlor.

Shaking hands.  A man should not offer to
shake hands first, as that is the privilege of
the women.

Men—­dress.  In making ceremonious calls, men
wear afternoon dress, and after six o’clock
evening dress.

See also afternoon dress—­men.  Evening
dress—­men.

Pall-bearers.  See pall-bearers—­calls.

Page 26

Theatre.  See theatre—­calls.

Ushers.  See ushers—­calls.

Wedding invitations.  Very intimate friends
can call personally.  Friends of the groom
who have no acquaintance with the bride’s
family should send their cards to those inviting
them.

Those who do not receive wedding invitations, announcement, or “At Home” cards should not call on the married couple, but consider themselves as dropped from their circle of acquaintance.

  Women receiving and inviting men.  The
       invitation to call should be extended by the
       woman, and if she does not specify the time,
       will naturally be considered as an act of
       courtesy, but not as an invitation.

These invitations should be given with great care by young women.  It is better to have the invitation extended by her mother or chaperone.

A married woman may ask a man to call, especially if she have unmarried daughters.  An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to specify.  A man may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.

At the beginning of a season, a man who desires the further acquaintance of a woman should leave his card in person for all the members of the family.

A formal call, or the first call of the season, should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen minutes.  It is proper for the man to inquire for all the women of the family.

A man should call only on “At Home” days, unless especially invited to come at other times.  The hostess should be home on all “At Home” days, unless sickness or other good cause prevents.

In the absence of “At Home” days, or specified time, calls may be received at any proper hour, according to the locality of the place.

When men make a formal call at other than specified time, the hostess may justly excuse herself.  The caller would have no ground for offense.

       Intimate friends need not hold to formal
       hours for paying calls.

       Men of leisure should call only at fashionable
       hours—­from two to five in the afternoon.

Evening calls should not be made by other than business or professional men, unless the acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless they are specially invited.

Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.

Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.

       A business man may call in street dress
       before six o’clock in the evening, or thereafter
       if intimacy warrants.

Page 27

       Evening, or other than mere formal calls,
       should not be made, save by special invitation.

A man should leave his card when calling.  If his hostess is married, he should leave one also for the host.  If she is out, he should leave two.

       When calling upon a young woman whose
       hostess is not known to the man, he should
       send his card to her.

If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands.  It is her option to shake hands or not, and she should make the first advances.  It is bad form for him to do so.

During a formal call, when other guests are present, a man should remain standing and depart upon the entrance of others.  If the hostess is seated at the time, she need not rise or shake hands, but merely bow.

       The hostess should not accompany a caller
       to the door of the parlor, but bow from her
       chair.

       Dropping in at a theatre or opera party
       does not relieve a man from making formal
       calls that may be due.

A woman’s escort to a theatre party should call upon her within a week.  If she were his guest, he should do so within three days, or send his card, with an apology.

       Business calls are privileged, and can be
       made when convenient, although preferably
       by appointment.

  Women receiving—­introductions.  At formal
       calls conversation should be general among
       the guests.  Introductions are unnecessary.

  Afternoon.  See afternoon calls.

  Country.  See country calls.

  Evening.  See evening calls.

  First. See first calls.

  INVALID’S.  See INVALID’S calls.

  Sunday.  See Sunday calls.

Canceling dinners.  When it becomes necessary for
       a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she
       should send as soon as possible, either by
       special delivery or messenger, a letter to each
       guest who has accepted the invitation.  The
       letter, written either in the first or third person,
       should state the reason and express
       regrets.

Canceling weddings.  See weddings-invitations
recalled.

Canes.  A cane is the correct thing for a man when
       walking, except when engaged in business. 
       It should be held a few inches below the
       knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrellas,
       be carried vertically.

  Calling.  When making a formal or brief call
    the cane should be left in the hall.

Page 28

Cardinal-how addressed. A letter, official or
       social, begins:  Your Eminence, and ends:  I
       have the honor to remain your humble servant. 
       The address on the envelope is:  His Eminence
       Cardinal Wilson.

CARDS.

  Debut.  See debut cards.

  DEBUTANTS.  See debutante cards.

  Infant.  See infant’s cards.

  In memoriam.  See in memoriam cards.

  Mourning.  See mourning cards.

CARDS, VISITING.

  Addressing.  See addressing cards (visiting).

  Afternoon teas.  See cards (visiting), leaving
       in person—­afternoon teas.  Cards (visiting),
       mail or messenger-afternoon teas.

  At home.  See at home-cards.

  Birth (announcement).  See cards (visiting),
       leaving in person—­birth.

  Condolence.  See condolence—­cards.

  Daughter.  See daughters—­cards (visiting).

  Garden parties.  See garden parties—­cards.

  Husband and wife.  When the wife is calling,
       she can leave cards of the husband and
       sons if it is impossible for them to do so
       themselves.

After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters.  See Also Mr. And Mrs. Card.

  Leaving in person.  When cards with a message
       of congratulation are left in person,
       nothing should be written on it.

  Leaving in person—­afternoon teas. 
       Women leave cards of their male relatives
       as well as their own, although their names
       may be announced upon entering the drawing-room. 
       Guests leave their cards in a receptacle
       provided, or give them to the servant
       at the door.

  Men.  A bachelor should not use at home
       cards as a woman does, nor to invite his
       friends by writing a date and music at four
       on his calling card in place of an invitation.

  Men—­leaving in person.  When returning
       to town after a long absence, a man should
       leave cards having his address.

       When calling upon a young woman whose
       hostess is not known by the man, he should
       send his card to her.

Page 29

At the beginning of a season, a man should leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls.  These cards may also be mailed.  If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards.  In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the “misses,” and one for the rest of the family and their guest.

       Men of leisure should leave their own
       cards, while business men can have them
       left by the women of the family.

       The corner of the card should not be
       turned down.

Cards are now left in the hall by the servant and the caller is announced.  In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.

       When calling, a man should leave a card
       whether the hostess is at home or not.

       P. P. C. card’s may be left in person or
       sent by mail upon departure from city, or
       on leaving winter or summer resort.

       When a man calls upon a young woman
       whom a hostess is entertaining, he should
       leave cards for both.

       When a man calls upon another man, if he
       is not at home, he should leave a card.

When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him.  If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards—­one for each.

  Breakfasts, luncheons, dinners.  A man
       should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
       luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
       whether the invitation was accepted or not. 
       They may also be sent by mail or messenger,
       with an apology for so doing.

  Balls, subscription.  Shortly after receiving
       an invitation to a subscription ball, a man
       should leave a card for the patroness inviting
       him.

  Debutante.  When calling upon a debutante a
       man should leave cards for her mother,
       whether the entertainment was attended or
       not.

  Entertainment by men.  After a man’s formal
       entertainment for men, a man should leave a
       card within one week, whether the event was
       attended or not.  It can be sent by mail or
       messenger.

  Reception.  When the host and hostess receive
       together, a man should leave one card for
       both, and if not present at the reception, he
       should send two cards.

Theatre.  After a theatre party given by a
man, he should call within three days on the
woman he escorted or leave his card.

Wedding reception.  After a wedding reception
a man should leave a card for the host
and hostess, and another for the bridal
couple.

Page 30

         If a man has been invited to the church
       but not to the wedding reception, he should
       leave a card for the bride’s parents and the
       bridal couple, or should mail a card.

Sending by mail, or messenger.  After an
entertainment a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not.  If a card is mailed or sent,
it should be accompanied with an apology.

         At the beginning of the season a man
       should leave cards for all those whose entertainments
       he is in the habit of attending, or
       on whom he pays social calls.  These cards
       may also be mailed.  If left in person, there
       should be one for each member of the household
       or only two cards.

In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the “misses,” and one for the rest of the family and the guest.

If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger.

       A man may mail his card to a woman
       engaged to be married, if acquaintance
       warrants.

       Visitors to town should send cards to every
       one whom they desire to see.  The address
       should be written on them.

  Afternoon tea.  If a man is unable to be
       present at an afternoon tea, he should send a
       card the same afternoon.

  Breakfasts, luncheons, dinners.  A man
       should leave a card the day after a breakfast,
       luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess,
       whether the invitation was accepted or not. 
       They may be sent by mail or messenger with
       an apology for so doing.

Entertainment by men.  After a man’s formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not.  It can be sent by mail or
messenger.

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or messenger
upon departure from city, or on leaving
winter or summer resort.

Reception.  When the host and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and, if not present at the reception, he
should send two cards.

Wedding reception.  If a man has been invited
to the church but not the wedding
reception, he should leave or mail a card to
the bride’s parents, and also to the bridal
couple.

  Style.  The full name should be used, and if
       too long, the initials only.  The club address
       is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if
       not living at a club, the home address should
       be in lower right-hand corner.  In the absence
       of a title, Mr. is always used on an
       engraved but not a written card.

Page 31

       Cards should be engraved in plain letter,
       according to prevailing fashion.

       Facsimile cards engraved are no longer
       used.

Written cards are in bad taste, but in case of necessity they may be used.  The name should be written in full if not too long, and should be the autograph of the sender.

Messages or writing should not appear on men’s cards.  If address is changed, new cards should be engraved.  In an emergency only the new address may be written.

  Mourning cards are the same size as visiting-
       cards, and a black border is used—­the width
       to be regulated by the relationship of the
       deceased relative.

  Men—­style, titles.  Men having titles use
       them before their names—­as, Reverend, Rev.,
       Mr., Dr., Army and Navy titles, and officers
       on retired list.  L.L.D. and all professional
       titles are placed after the name.  Political
       and judicial titles are always omitted.

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. after the name.  On cards intended for social use, office hours and other professional matter are omitted.

  Mr. And Mrs. See Mr. And Mrs. Cards.

  P. P. C. See P. P. C. Cards.

  Sending by mail or messenger.  If after
       accepting an invitation it is necessary to
       decline, a card should be sent the evening of
       the entertainment, with an explanatory note
       the day following.

When an invitation has been received to an “At Home” debut, and one has not been able to attend, cards should be sent by mail or messenger, to arrive at the time of the ceremony.

       A card should be mailed to a man engaged
       to be married.

  Afternoon teas.  The invitations to a formal
       afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in
       advance by mail or messenger.  No reply is
       necessary, but if unable to be present, a card
       should be sent the day of the entertainment.

For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used, with the hour for the “tea” written or engraved over the date beneath the fixed day of that week.  They may be sent by mail or messenger.

       Persons unable to attend should send cards
       the same afternoon.

  Birth (announcement).  If wishing to congratulate
       after a birth, cards should be left in
       person or sent by a messenger.  Cut flowers
       may be sent with the card.

  Condolence.  After a death in the family of
       an acquaintance, a card with the word
       Condolence written on it should be left in person or
       by messenger.  For very intimate acquaintances,
       cut flowers may be left in person or
       sent, together with a card or letter.

Page 32

When unable to leave in person a card with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate friends only with a note of apology.  If out of town, it should be sent with a letter of condolence.

  Travelers.  A woman visiting a place for a
       length of time should mail to her friends a
       visiting-card which contains her temporary
       address.

       A man in similar situation should call upon
       his friends, and if he does not find them at
       home, should leave his card.

  Wedding invitations.  Those present at the
       ceremony should leave cards for those inviting
       them, and if this is not possible, they can
       be sent by mail or messenger.

       Those invited but not present should send
       cards.

  Widow.  See widows—­cards.

  Wife.  Only the wife of the oldest member of
       the oldest branch may use her husband’s
       name without the initials.

  Women.  Mrs. or Miss should always be used
       before the names.  The cards of single
       women are smaller than those of married
       women.

The husband’s name should be used in full, unless too long, when the initials are used.  Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband’s name without initials.

Reception days should appear in the lower left-hand corner, limiting dates—­as, Until Lent, or in January, may be either engraved or written.

If a special function is allotted to any reception days—­as, the entertaining of special guests—­the hour of the reception day may be written above the day and the date beneath it.

  Daughters.  See daughters—­cards.

  Leaving in person—­birth, announcement of. 
       If wishing to send congratulations,
       after receipt of a birth announcement card,
       cards should be left in person or sent by a
       messenger; cut flowers may be sent with the
       card.

Before the wedding cards are issued, an engaged woman should leave her card personally upon her friends without entering the house.

When calling at the beginning of the season a woman should leave her own card, those of the men of the family, and two of her husband’s.

After formal invitations, a woman should leave her own card and those of the men of the family who were invited, whether they attended or not.

       When calling formally a woman should
       leave a card, whether the hostess is at home
       or not.

       When a woman calls upon a well-known
       friend, it is not necessary to send up a card.

When making a call at a hotel or other public place, the name of the person called upon should be written in the upper left- hand corner of the card—­as: 

       For Mrs. Jane Wilson

Page 33

       The corner of the card should not be
       turned down.

       P. P. C. cards may be left in person or
       sent by mail upon departure from city, or
       on leaving winter or summer resort.

       The corner of the card should not be
       turned down.

  Reception.  At receptions a woman should
       leave the cards in the hall or hand them to
       the servant.

       At a “coming-out reception” a woman
       should leave cards for the mother and
       daughter.

A married man returns his social obligations to women by personal calls, or his wife can do it for him by leaving his card with her own.

  Mother and daughter.  After her debut the
       younger of the two daughters has no card of
       her own, as her full baptismal name appears
       on her mother’s card beneath her name.  A
       year after her first appearance she may have
       a card of her own.

       When a mother leaves her daughter’s card,
       it is for the hostess only.

If reception day appear on the mother’s card, the daughters also receive on that date, as the daughters have no reception days of their own.

  Mother and son.  When a mother is calling,
       she can leave cards of her son for the host
       and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so
       himself.

       A son entering society can have his cards
       left by his mother upon a host and hostess. 
       Invitations to entertainments will follow.

  Returning to town.  Cards of the entire
       family should be sent by mail to all
       acquaintances when returning after a
       prolonged absence.

When using cards, if out of town, the place of a woman’s permanent residence can be written on the card—­thus:  New York.  Philadelphia.

  Sending by mail or messenger.  A woman
       visiting a place for a length of time should
       mail to her friends her visiting-card
       containing her temporary address.

       P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or
       messenger upon departure from city, or
       on leaving winter or summer resort.

       After a change of residence the cards of
       the entire family should be sent out as soon
       as possible.

       At the beginning of the season both married
       and single women should send their cards
       to all their acquaintances.

       Visitors to town should send cards to every
       one whom they desire to see, with the address
       written on the cards.

For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used.  The hour for the tea is written or engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed day of the week.  They may be sent by mail or messenger.

       The cards of a debutante may be sent by
       mail or messenger.

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Mourning cards should be sent to indicate temporary retirement from society.  Later cards should be sent to indicate return to society.

  Afternoon tea.  If a woman is unable to be
       present at an afternoon tea she should send
       her card the same afternoon.

  Wedding reception.  When invitations have
       been received to the church but not to the
       wedding reception, cards should be sent to
       the bride’s parents and to the bridal couple.

  Women—­style, titles.  Women having titles
       should use them before the name—­as,
       Reverend or Rev. Mrs. Smith.  Physicians use Dr.
       before or M.D. after the name.  Office hours
       and other professional matters are omitted on
       cards for social use.  Husband’s titles should
       never be used.  The home address is put in
       the lower right-hand and the club address in
       the lower left-hand corner.

       The card of the eldest daughter in society
       is simply Miss Wilson.

Cards of admission to church weddings.  These
       cards are used at all public weddings held in
       churches, and when they are used no one
       should be admitted to the church without
       one.  They are sent with the wedding invitations.

CARRIAGES.

  Balls.  See balls-carriages.

  Dances.  See dances-carriages.

  Funerals.  See funerals-carriages.

  Men.  In a general way a man should provide a
       carriage when escorting a woman in evening
       dress to any function.  If she does not wear
       evening dress, and they are going to an informal
       affair, it would be proper to take a
       street-car.

  Suppers.  See supper and theatre parties—­men—­carriages.

  Theatres.  See theatres and opera parties given by men—­carriages.

  Women.  A woman accepting, with her mother’s
       or chaperone’s consent, a man’s invitation to
       the theatre may, with propriety, request him
       not to provide a carriage unless full dress on
       her part is requested.

Catholic priest—­how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends:  I
       have the honor to remain your humble servant. 
         A social letter begins:  Dear Father Wilson,
       and ends:  I beg to remain faithfully yours,
         The address on the envelope is:  The Reverend
       John J. Wilson.  But if he holds the
       degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the
       address is:  Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D.,
       or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.

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Celery is eaten with the fingers.

Change of residence.  Women.  After a change of
       residence, the cards of the entire family
       should be sent out as soon as possible.

Chaperone.  A chaperone takes precedence of her
       charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms
       and on ceremonious occasions.  At an entertainment
       both enter together, and the chaperone
       should introduce her protege to the
       hostess and to others.  The two should remain
       together during the evening.  In a
       general way the chaperon takes under her
       charge the social welfare of her protege.

  Balls.  A mother should attend balls with her
       daughters, going and returning with them,
       and if she is not invited, it is in good taste
       for the daughters to decline the invitation. 
       A father can act as escort, if need be, instead
       of the mother.  A mother can delegate her
       powers to some one else when requested to
       act as a chaperone.

  Men calling.  A man should ask the chaperone’s
       permission to call upon her protege,
       and once it is granted no further permission
       is necessary.  The chaperone should be present
       while a debutante receives male callers
       the first year, and when the first call is made
       she should be present throughout the evening
       and should decide as to the necessity
       of her presence during subsequent visits.

  Cards.  A chaperone introducing and accompanying
       young women should leave her own
       card with that of her protege.

  Dances.  The chaperone should give her
       permission to a man who desires to dance,
       promenade, or go to supper with her charge,
       who should not converse with him at length
       save at the chaperon’s side, and the chaperon
       should accompany both to supper.  If without
       an escort, the young woman may accept
       the invitation of her last partner before
       supper is announced.

  Introductions.  A man should never be introduced
       direct by card or letter to a young
       unmarried woman.  If he desires to be
       introduced, the letter or card of introduction
       should be addressed to her chaperone or
       mother, who may then introduce him to the
       young woman if she deems it advisable.

       At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
       a young man if he wishes to be introduced
       to the one under her care.

  Letters of introduction.  A man having a
       letter of introduction to a young woman
       should present it in person to the chaperone. 
       If the latter is out when he calls, he should
       mail it to her, and she may then notify him
       when he may call, and should herself be
       present.

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  Supper, tea, dinner.  A young woman receiving an
       invitation to a man’s supper, tea,
       or dinner may accept if she has the consent
       of her mother or chaperone, and is assured
       that a chaperone will be present.

  Theatres.  A chaperone’s permission should be
       asked before a man’s invitation to the theatre
       can be accepted.  The chaperone can also
       accept, on behalf of her protege, invitations
       from men to theatre parties or suppers,
       if she too is invited.

The chaperone should be present at mixed theatre parties—­one for small, and two or more for larger parties and suppers.  The chaperones may use their own carriage to call for the guests, and then meet the men at the places of entertainment.  The chaperone should say when the entertainment shall close.

  Unable to be present.  When a chaperone
       is unable to fulfill her duties, she may delegate
       them to another, provided it is agreeable
       to all concerned.

Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed on
       pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the
       fingers to the mouth.

China wedding.  This is the twentieth wedding anniversary,
       and is not usually celebrated; but
       if it is, the invitation may bear the words
       no presents received, and congratulations may
       be extended in accepting or declining the
       invitation.  An entertainment is usually
       provided for.  Any article of china is appropriate
       as a gift.

Choir-Boys at weddings.  These form a brilliant
       addition to a church wedding, and when
       employed they meet the bridal party in the
       vestibule, and precede them to the altar,
       singing a hymn or other appropriate selection.

CHRISTENING.

  Dress.  The mother wears an elaborate reception
       gown to the church, with white gloves and
       a light hat or bonnet.

       If the ceremony is at the house, she can
       wear an elaborate tea-gown.

       The guests wear afternoon or evening
       dress, according whether the ceremony comes
       before or after 6 P.M.

  Flowers.  A christening ceremony offers a good
       opportunity for the guests who desire to
       present flowers to the mother.  This is not
       obligatory, however, and must remain a
       matter of personal taste.

  Gifts.  A christening ceremony offers a good
       opportunity for the invited guests, if they
       desire, to send a present to the baby.

These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and if of silver should be marked with the child’s name, initials, or monogram.

  Guests.  The invitations should be promptly
       answered.

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       At a church ceremony the guests, as they
       are few in number, assemble in the front
       pews.

At a large house christening the affair is conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception.  Wine is drunk to the child’s health, and the guests take leave of the hostess.

  Invitations are issued by the wife only to intimate
       friends, and should be promptly answered.

       If the christening is made a formal entertainment,
       to take place in the drawing-room,
       the invitations may be engraved.

  Men.  If the ceremony is in the afternoon they
       wear afternoon dress, but at an evening
       affair evening dress.

       At an afternoon ceremony in the summer
       it is allowable for the men to wear straw
       hats and light flannel suits.

At a large house christening the affair should be conducted somewhat like a reception, and men on departing should take leave of the hostess.

  Women dress as they would for an afternoon reception
       if the ceremony comes in the afternoon, and if it comes
       after breakfast or luncheon, as they would for a breakfast
       or luncheon.

At a large house christening the affair should be conducted like a reception, and women should take leave of the hostess on their departure.

  Church.  A man usually follows the woman, who
       leads to the pew, and he enters after her,
       closing the door as he does so.

       He should find the places in the service
       book for her.

       This same courtesy he should extend to a
       woman who is a stranger to him.

CLERGYMAN.

  Christening fees.  It is customary to send a
       fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is
       a relative or a near friend.

  Evening dress.  Custom permits a clergyman
       to wear his clerical dress at all functions at
       which other men wear evening dress; or,
       if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation
       full dress.  The wearing of either is a matter
       of taste.

  How addressed. All mail and correspondence
       should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but
       in conversation a clergyman should be addressed
       as Mr. Smith.  If he has received the degree of D.D. 
       (Doctor of Divinity)from some educational institution,
       then he is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should
       be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith.

Wedding ceremony.  The officiating clergyman (minister or priest)
is selected by the bride, who usually chooses
her family minister, and the latter is then called
upon by the groom with regard to the details.  If a
very intimate friend or relative of the groom

Page 38

Carriage.  A carriage should be provided by
the groom to take the clergyman to the
church, then to the reception, and thence to
his house.

Fee.  A fee should be paid the clergyman by
the groom through the best man, who should
hand it to him immediately after the ceremony. 
If two or three clergymen are present
and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman
is double that of the others.  The clergyman
should receive at least five dollars in gold,
clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope,
or more, in proportion to the groom’s financial
condition and social position.

  Wedding reception.  The clergyman should
       always be invited to the reception.

CLUB.

  Address.  If residing at a club, a man’s visiting-
       card should have his club’s name in the lower
       right-hand corner; if not, the name should
       be put in lower left-hand corner.

  Stationery.  This is always in good form for
       social correspondence by men.

Coaching.  See driving.

Coachman-tips.  It is customary when a guest
       leaves a house party after a visit to give the
       coachman a tip.

College degrees.  Custom, good taste, and the fitness
       of things forbid a college man having engraved,
       on his visiting-card, his college degrees—­as,
       A.B., A.M., etc.

Commerce, Secretary of—­How Addressed.  An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have, sir,
       the honor to remain your most obedient servant. 
         A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain most sincerely
       yours. 
       The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
       J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce.

Committees-public balls.  Public balls are conducted
       like private ones, and the etiquette is the
       same for the guests.  The difference in their
       management is that, in place of a hostess, her
       functions and duties are filled by committees
       selected by the organization giving the ball.

Conclusion of A letter.  The standard conclusions of
       letters are:  I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe
       me faithfully yours.

       For business correspondence the standard
       conclusions are:  Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.

Page 39

       For relatives and dear friends the standard
       forms are:  Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.

       One should avoid signing a letter with only initials,
       Christian name, surnames, or diminutives.

  Men.  In writing formally on business to a
       woman he knows slightly, a man could say: 
       I am respectfully yours.  When not on business
       he could write:  I beg to remain yours to command.

He should avoid a signature like:  J. Jones
Wilson, but write:  James J. Wilson

Women.  In social correspondence a married woman should
sign:  Minnie Wilson, and not:  Mrs. John Wilson. 
If she wants to make known in a business letter
the fact of her being married, and may not know
if the person addressed knows the fact, she may write: 
Minnie Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)
An unmarried woman would sign her name as: 
Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be taken
for a widow would sign:  Miss Minnie Wilson.

CONDOLENCE.

Calls.  When death occurs in the family of a friend,
one should call in person and make kindly
inquiries for the family and leave a card,
but should not ask to see those in trouble
unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship warrants.

For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless the request has been made to send none.

  Cards.  A visiting-card is used with the word
       condolence written on it, and should be left
       in person if possible, but may be sent or
       mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied
       by a note of apology.  If out of town, it
       should be sent by mail with letter of condolence.

       A Mr. and Mrs. card may be used at any
       time for condolence, except for intimate
       friends.

  Letters.  Only the most intimate and dear
       friends should send letters of condolence, and
       they may send flowers with the note unless
       the request has been made to send none.

CONGRATULATIONS.

  Birth, announcement of.  If wishing to
       send congratulations after a birth, cards
       should be left in person or sent by messenger. 
       Cut flowers may be sent with the card.

  Cards.  A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used at any
       time for congratulations.  If left in person,
       which is preferable, the card should be accompanied
       by a kindly message, and, if sent
       by mail or messenger’ the word congratulations
       should be written on it.  Business and professional
       men are not required to make personal calls, and
       so may send their cards.  A Mr. and Mrs. card can
       be used for all but near friends.

Page 40

       When a card is left in person, with a message
       of congratulations, nothing should be
       written thereon.

       A man may mail his card to a woman engaged
       to be married, if acquaintance warrants
       the action.

Congratulations upon the birth of a child may be expressed by a man to its father by sending a card with the word Congratulations written on it, or by leaving it in person.

A card should be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.

Weddings.  Congratulations may be sent with
letter of acceptance or declination to a wedding
to those sending the invitations.  And
if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant,
a note of congratulations may be sent to
them also.

Guests in personal conversation with the
latter give best wishes to the bride and
congratulations to the groom.

Wedding anniversaries.  In accepting or
declining invitations to wedding anniversaries,
congratulations may be extended.

Conversation at dinners.  Aim at bright and general
       conversation, avoiding all personalities and
       any subject that all cannot join in.  This
       is largely determined by the character of the
       company.  The guests should accommodate
       themselves to their surroundings.

Cooks-tips.  It is customary for men who have
       been guests at a house party when they
       leave to remember the cook by sending her
       a tip.

Corn on the cob is eaten with the fingers of one hand. 
       A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat
       them with the aid of a fork.

Corner of card turned down.  This is no longer
       done by persons when calling and leaving
       cards.

Correspondence.  How to address official and social
       letters.  See under title of person addressed
       —­as, archbishop, etc.

Costume balls.—­Invitations.  Invitations are similar
       to invitations to balls, except that they have
       in place of dancing in the lower left-hand
       corner.  Costume of the XVIIIth Century, Bal
       masque, or Bal Poudre.

Cotillions.  Germans are less formal than balls. 
       Supper precedes the dancing.  Those who
       do not dance or enjoy it can leave before
       that time.

       The etiquette is the same as for balls.

  Dress.  The regulation evening dress is worn.

  Hostess.  The rules governing a hostess when
       giving a ball are the same for a cotillion,
       with this addition—­that there should be an
       even number of men and women, and, failing
       this, more men than women.

Page 41

       It is for the hostess to choose the leader
       of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all
       its details.

At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess stands at the door with the leader at her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments of the guests.

       See also balls—­hostess.

  Invitations.  The invitations are engraved, and the
       hour for beginning is placed in the lower
       left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks
       in advance.  They may be sent in one envelope.

       Such invitations should be promptly accepted
       or declined.

COTILIONS by subscriptions.  These are given by leading
       society women, who subscribe to a fund
       sufficient to pay all expenses of the
       entertainment.  They are usually held in some
       fashionable resort where suitable
       accommodations can be had.

       Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where
       attendants check their wraps.

After the supper, the German, or cotillion, begins.  Those not dancing in this generally retire.  When leaving, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.

  Dress.  Full dress is worn by all.

  Invitations.  The patronesses whose names appear
       on the back of the cards are the subscribers. 
       They send out the invitations to
       their friends.  A presentation card, to be
       shown at the door, is sent with the invitation.

  Men.  Men wear evening dress.

The men wait upon their partners and themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, unless small tables are used, when the patronesses sit by themselves, and others form groups as they like.  The guests are served by the waiters, as at a dinner.

       When retiring, guests should take leave
       especially of the patroness inviting them.

  PATRONESSES.  The patronesses stand in line to
       receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands
       as they prefer.

When supper is announced, the leading patroness leads the way with her escort, the others following.  If small tables are used, the patronesses sit by themselves.

  Women.  Women wear full dress.

       When guests depart, they should take
       leave especially of the patroness inviting
       them.

Countess—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       Madam, and ends:  I have the honor to
       remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant. 
       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable The Countess of Kent.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Kent,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
       sincerely yours.

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       The address is:  To the Countess of Kent.

Country calls.  The usual rule in calling is for the
       residents to call first upon the temporary
       cottage people, and between these latter the
       early comers call first upon those coming
       later.

       In the city there is no necessity for
       neighbors to call upon each other.

Crackers should be broken into small pieces and
       eaten with the fingers.

Crests.  If men and women wish, these may be
       stamped in the latest fashionable colors on
       their stationery.  It is not customary to use
       a crest and a stamped address on the same
       paper.

       The present fashion in crests is that they
       should be of small size.

       It is not usual to stamp the crest on the
       flap of the envelope.

       If sealing-wax is used, some dull color
       should be chosen.

       A person should avoid all individual
       eccentricities and oddities in stamping, such
       as facsimile autographs, etc.

Crystal weddings.  This anniversary comes after
       fifteen years of married life, and the
       invitations may bear the words:  No presents
       received, and on their acceptance or declination,
       congratulations may be extended.  An
       entertainment should be provided for.  Any
       article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a
       gift.

DANCES.

  Carriages.  A man should secure his carriage-check
       when leaving his carriage.  It is safer
       to take wraps and coats to the house in case
       of accidents.

       When taking a woman wearing evening
       dress to a ball or dance, a man should
       provide a carriage.

  Debutante.  See dances—­women—­debutante.

  Dress.  Evening dress is worn by men and
       women.

  Dinner invitations.  The hostess issues two
       sets of invitations—­one for those invited to
       both dinner and dance, and one for those
       invited to the dance only.

For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words:  Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words:  Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following written in the lower left-hand corner:  Dancing at ten.  March the second.  R. S. V. P.

  Invitations.  These should be acknowledged
       by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of
       regret within one week.

Page 43

  Men.  Asking A woman to dance.  A man
       asks for the privilege of a dance, either with
       the daughter of the hostess or with any guest
       of the latter or any young woman receiving
       with her.

       On being introduced to a woman, he may
       ask her for a dance, and he should be prompt
       in keeping his appointment.

It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat—­after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.

If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.

  Debutante.  At a debutante’s reception the
       first partner is selected by the mother, usually
       the nearest and dearest friend, who
       dances but once, and the others follow.

  Invitations.  Invitations to balls or assemblies
       should be answered immediately; if declined,
       the ticket should be returned.  A man should
       call or leave cards a few days before the
       affair.

  Supper.  At balls and assemblies where small
       tables are provided, a man should not sit
       alone with his partner, but make up a party
       in advance, and keep together.

       If a patroness asks a man to sit at her
       table, she should provide a partner for him.

       At supper the senior patroness leads the
       way, escorted by the man honored for the
       occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women.  When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

  TRONESSES.  Their duties are varied and
       responsible—­among them, the subscription to
       the expenses of the entertainments.

The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties —­as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details.

While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.

       Those devising new features and surprises
       for such an occasion will give the most successful ball.

       The one most active and having the best
       business ability should take the lead.

       Lists should be compared, in order to avoid
       duplicate invitations.

       The tickets should be divided among the
       patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them
       among their friends.

Page 44

       The patronesses should be at the ball-room
       in ample time before the arrival of the guests,
       to see that all is in readiness.

They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests.  They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.

If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.

A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary.  Prolonged conversation should be avoided.

A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute.  If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.

       They should be the last to leave as well as
       the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes
       brilliantly.

  Supper.  The senior patroness leads the way
       to supper, escorted by the man honored for
       the occasion.

If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women.  When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.

  Women.  A woman should always keep any engagement made,
       if possible.  If, for a good
       reason, it is desired to break one, she should
       do so in ample time to enable the man to
       secure a partner.

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward.  After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.

       A woman may refuse to dance at a public
       entertainment.

       A young woman chaperoned should not accept a man’s invitation,
       unless he first asks
       permission of her chaperone.

       It is not good taste to keep late hours at an
       informal dance.

In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely.  Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.

       When tired, the woman should indicate a
       desire to stop dancing.

Page 45

When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner’s arm and strolls about a few minutes.  He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.

When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.

       If a woman is without escort when supper
       is announced, she must rely upon attendants
       or members of the host’s family.

At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided for the supper, the woman should not sit alone at a table with her partner, but she should have others present also.

  Debutante.  At a debutante’s reception the
       first partner is selected by the mother, usually
       the nearest and dearest friend, who dances
       but once with her, and the others follow.

DANCES (FORMAL).

  Host. When supper is announced, the host
       leads the way with his partner, followed by
       hostess and escort, the rest following.

  Hostess.  She should limit the number of guests
       to the capacity of the house.

Invitations should include more men than women, for some men may not attend, and of those who do come, some may not dance.

An awning and carpet should be spread from curb to steps.  The man stationed at the curb should open carriage doors for arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage- checks, and tell the drivers at what hour to return.

       The servant opening the door directs the
       guests to their respective dressing-rooms.

       A small orchestra should be provided and
       concealed behind palms or flowers.

In the absence of polished floors, carpets should be covered with linen crash, tightly and securely laid, in order to stand the strain of dancing.

       Friends may assist in taking care of the
       guests, making introductions, etc.

  Supper.  Supper may be served at one large
       table or many small ones, as desired.

  Dances (informal).  Dances of this character lack all
       possible formality.  The invitations may be
       written or verbal.

       Piano music is all that is required, played
       by one of the family or a professional.

       Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided.

       See also Chaperone.  Dances.

DANCING.

  Introductions.  The man must be introduced
       to the woman, and should ask her for the
       pleasure of a dance.

  Men.  A man should greet the host as soon as
       possible after seeing the hostess.

Page 46

       At any function where patronesses are
       present, a man should bow to the one inviting him,
       and give her a few words of greeting.

       At balls all men should dance, and those
       who do not, have no place there, though
       invited.

       If a man comes alone and has no partner,
       he should seek hostess or assistants, and request
       an introduction to women who dance.

After a dance a man should take a short stroll about the room with his partner before returning to her chaperone.  Before retiring he may converse with her in general terms, from which he should have refrained previously.

       A man escorting one or more women
       should see that they are cared for when supper
       is announced.

A man in conversation with a woman when supper is announced, if she is not engaged, may offer to take her into supper.  Her chaperone should be invited at the same time.

       Introductions should be made as much as
       possible before the dancing begins.

       If introduced to a young woman, and she
       is free of engagement for the next dance, the
       man should invite her to dance.

       Before asking a chaperoned woman to
       dance, the man should ask permission of her
       chaperone.

       A man should pay especial attention to the
       women of the house, and invite them to
       dance as early as possible.

A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.

       Men should keep engagements a few minutes
       before each dance.

If for some good reason it is desired to break an engagement, it should be done so as to leave ample time for the other to secure a partner for that dance.

In round dances, the man supports the woman with right arm about her waist, taking care not to hold her too closely.  His left hand holds her right one, both extended.

       The woman should indicate when she desires
       to stop dancing.

       All persons should be at a formal dance
       not later than half an hour after the hour set.

       A man should secure his carriage-check. 
       It is safer to take wraps and coats to the
       house in case of accidents.

  Gloves.  Gloves should be worn at formal
       dances, and should be put on before entering
       the room.

  Shaking hands.  It is not customary to shake
       hands at formal dances.

  Smoking.  Smoking should not be allowed in
       the dressing-room, but a special room should
       be provided.  Men who dance should not
       smoke until leaving the house.

Page 47

  Women.  The time for the formal dance is indicated
       on the invitation, and all should be
       there not later than half an hour after the
       time set.

       At private dances the maid takes and calls
       for the young woman in the absence of a male
       escort.

       Young women should be chaperoned at all
       formal dances by their mother or others.

       Introductions should be made as much as
       possible before the dancing begins.

DAUGHTERS.

  Cards.  The card of the eldest daughter in
       society is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her
       death or marriage the card of the next
       daughter becomes the same.  Where there
       are unmarried aunts and cousins having the
       father’s name, only the eldest daughter of
       the eldest man can use the form Miss Wilson.

       If two or more sisters enter society at
       about the same time, their names may appear
       on their mother’s card as The Misses Wilson.

       The name of the younger daughter should
       appear in full on her mother’s card—­as, Miss
       Mary Jane Wilson.

Until the younger daughter has formally, made her debut, she visits only intimate friends of the family.  After her debut she has no card, and her full baptismal name appears on her mother’s card, beneath her name, and not until a year or two after her first appearance does she have a card of her own.

       When a mother leaves her daughter’s card,
       it is for the hostess only.

If reception days appear on the mother’s card, the daughters also receive on that day, as they have no reception date of their own.

       After an entertainment the cards of the
       family may be left for the host and hostess
       by the eldest daughter.

The eldest daughter has her own circle of
acquaintances, and can visit and receive independently
of her mother.

Duties at balls.  See balls—­duties of
         daughters.

Daughter of Baron—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain, Madam, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins:  Dear Miss Wilson,
and ends:  Believe me, I remain sincerely yours.

The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter reads:  To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter:  To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.

Daughter of Duke—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

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       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Jane,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
       faithfully yours.

       The address is:  To the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

Daughters of Earl—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Jane,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
       faithfully yours.

       The address is:  To the Lady Jane F.
       Wilson.

Daughter of Marquis—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Jane,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
       faithfully yours.

       The address is:  To the Lady Jane F.
       Wilson.

Daughter of viscount—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain, madam, your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Miss Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, Miss Wilson, sincerely
       yours.

The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter would read:  To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter:  To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.

Days at home.  Only very intimate persons should
       call on any other days than those named on
       an At Home card.

Day of wedding.  The wedding-day is named by
       the bride, and her mother’s approval is asked
       by the groom.

Death in the family.  Cards, writing-paper, and envelopes
       should be bordered in black.  The
       announcement of the death may be printed
       or engraved, preferably the latter.  Full
       name of deceased, together with date of
       birth and death, and residence, should be
       given.

The frequenting of places of amusements, entertainments, or social functions should not be indulged in for at least a year if in mourning for near relatives.

  Condolence.  After a death in the family of an
       acquaintance, a card with the word Condolence
       written on it should be left in person
       or by messenger.  For very intimate acquaintances,
       cut flowers may be left in person
       or sent, together with a card or letter, unless
       request has been made not to do so.

Page 49

Debutante.  A debutante should make her debut between
       the ages of seventeen and twenty, and
       should not appear at any public function before
       her debut.  She should be thoroughly
       versed in the laws of good society.  She
       should be extremely cautious at all times in
       her dealings with men.  She should follow,
       without reserve, the advice of mother or
       chaperone.  She should avoid forwardness,
       and be quiet in manner and in speech.  Men
       acquaintances should be carefully chosen, and
       great care exercised in accepting invitations
       from them.

  Afternoon teas (formal).  When a tea is
       given in honor of a debutante, she stands beside
       the hostess (usually her mother), and
       each guest is introduced to her.  Flowers
       should be liberally provided, and friends may
       contribute on such an occasion.

A debutante should not make any formal visits alone the first year, and should not receive men visitors unless her chaperone is present.  Should a man call during the first season, and neither her mother nor her chaperone be present, she should decline the visit.  She may make and receive visitors alone the second season.

       When calling upon a debutante, men and
       women should leave cards for her and her
       mother.

  Cards.  A debutante should use her mother’s
       card with her name engraved under her
       mother’s, but after a season she uses her own
       card.  Personal cards should not be used
       during the first season.  If she is the eldest
       unmarried daughter, her name is engraved
       (as, Miss A—­) beneath her mother’s name,
       but if there are other sisters, with the initials
       (as, Miss A. A—­).

       The cards of a debutante may be sent by
       mail or messenger.

  Dances.  A debutante always receives with her
       mother standing by her side.  A good order
       is for the mother to stand nearest the door,
       the debutante next, and the father last.

       It is a good plan for the debutante to ask
       a few of her girl friends to stand beside her
       the first half hour.

       The mother should introduce guests to her
       daughter, who may introduce them to her
       friends.

The debutante shakes hands with each one introduced to her.  She dances every dance, and at the end stands beside her mother to receive the greetings of the guests.

The girls standing up with the debutante after the first hour are free to dance and enjoy themselves as they please without standing in line again.

  Men.  Her mother should select in advance the

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  Debut.  When her mother receives visits after
       her debut, the daughter is included, and
       should be present.  The mother should keep
       a complete record of the visits made by entering
       the cards in a book kept for that purpose.

Flowers.  Friends should send flowers to a debutante
at a formal tea given in her honor.

Men.  When calling upon a debutante, a man
should leave cards for her and her mother,
whether the entertainment was attended or
not.

         See also debuts.

Debuts.  A debut may be made at a dinner,
       reception, or ball.  The debutante’s card
       should be enclosed with the invitation, reading: 
       Miss Wilson; or, if a younger daughter,
       Miss Minnie Wilson.  For an “At
       Home” debut, the least formal of all these
       entertainments, the name of the debutante is
       engraved below that of her mother.

The mother and elder unmarried sisters prior to the debut should call formally upon those whom they wish to invite to the ceremony.  Cards of the family are left, including those of father and brothers.

  Balls—­invitations.  When a young woman is
       to be introduced into society by a ball given
       in her honor, the parents may use a Mr. and
       Mrs. calling card, with the words added in
       writing:  Dancing at ten o’clock, with card of
       the debutante enclosed.

       Or the parents may use a specially engraved
       invitation.

  Cards, leaving.  At the entertainments at a
       debut, as at a supper, cards should be left for
       the mother and daughter, and if guests are
       unable to be present, they should send them
       the day of the entertainment.

  Entertainments.  Debuts may be an “At
       Home,” supper, or dinner, the latter being
       more formal, and only intimate friends being
       invited.  When making her debut, the debutante
       should stand beside her mother in the
       drawing-room, near the door, and be introduced
       by her.  On formal occasions the
       father stands with them.  The debutante
       may receive flowers from intimate friends
       only.

  At homes.  These are the least formal.

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  Suppers or dinners.  If the debut takes the
       form of a supper or dinner, the brother takes
       in the debutante, and the father the most
       distinguished woman; or, if there is no
       brother, he takes in the debutante himself,
       and she is seated at his left hand.  The
       mother is escorted by the most distinguished
       man.

       Should dancing follow, the mother should
       select the first partner, who dances but once,
       when others are at liberty to follow.

  Guests.  Guests should offer congratulations to
       a debutante at her debut in a few well-chosen
       words, and also to the parents.  A few
       moments of conversation with her only is admissible.

  Invitations.  Invitations are engraved, and
       should be sent by mail or messenger two
       weeks in advance, addressed to Mr. and Mrs.
       A, or Mrs. B, or The Misses A. While the
       invitations to a family may be enclosed in
       one envelope and sent to the principal one
       of the family, the son of the family should
       receive a separate invitation.  Men should
       receive separate invitations and acknowledge
       them, in person.

Acknowledgment is mot necessary for an “At Home” debut occurring in the afternoon, but would be for a formal one in the evening, for which special engraved invitations had been sent.

If invitations for an afternoon “At Home” reception are accepted, cards should be left for mother and daughter.  And, if not attending, cards should be sent by mail or messenger.

Diamond weddings.  These occur after seventy-
       five years of married life, and naturally are
       of very rare occurrence.  If they are celebrated,
       the invitation may bear the words: 
       No presents received, and congratulations
       may be extended in accepting or declining
       the invitation.  An entertainment should be
       provided for.  Any article of diamonds or
       precious stones is appropriate as a gift.

Dinners.  If the circle of acquaintances is large,
       a series of dinners is necessary during the
       season.

       Dinners should begin at an hour between
       seven-thirty and eight-thirty.

       The dining-room should be bright and
       attractive, well lighted, and artistically decorated
       with flowers.

The success of a dinner lies in the selection of the guests, with regard to their congeniality to each other, and their conversational powers and varying attainments.  It is better to have a few at a time, perhaps eight, as a larger number is unmanageable.

  Calls.  Guests should call soon after the dinner.

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  Dress.  Full dress is worn by both men and
       women.

  Guests.  When guests are not congenial, or have
       dislikes, they should not show it, but appear
       as if the contrary were the case.

       Guests should be prompt in arriving at the
       hour named.

At the table it is in good taste to accept whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one desires.  Wines should be accepted, even if one does not partake of them.  And if a toast is offered, a guest should recognize the courtesy by raising his glass.

       Conversing across the table is permissible,
       provided the distance does not require the
       voice to be unduly raised.

       When coffee is served in the drawing-room,
       young women serve, and the men hand it to
       the guests.

When the men re-enter the drawing-room after the coffee, the guests should retire, unless some further entertainment follows.  This is usually about eleven o’clock.  When leaving, a guest should thank the host and hostess, making some agreeable and appropriate remark suitable to the occasion.

  Host. When dinner is announced, the host
       offers his left arm to the woman he escorts. 
       She may be the special invited guest, or the
       most prominent guest present.

The signal for all to rise is given by the hostess, who bows to the woman on the host’s right.  The men escort the women to the door or drawing-room, after which they return, and cigars and liquors are offered.

       The host wears full dress.

  Guest late.  The host should always come
       forward to shake hands with the late-comer,
       and help him to find his seat, and do all in
       his power to make his late-coming quickly
       overlooked.

  Hostess.  The hostess receives her guest at the
       parlor entrance.

At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow.  The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats.

At an informal dinner a hostess should introduce a man to the woman he is to escort to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit on the right or left hand of the host.

When the dinner is announced the host with his escort leads the way, followed by the guests, and the hostess and her escort come last.

  Guest late.  The hostess should always bow
       and shake hands with a guest arriving late,
       but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

  Hours.  Dinners begin from 7 to 8 P.M., and
       usually last from one hour to an hour and a
       half.

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  Introductions.  If a man is not acquainted with
        the woman assigned to him, the hostess
        should introduce him to the woman.

  Invitations.  These should be acknowledged
       immediately by a letter of acceptance, or declining
       with regret.

The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife, and should be sent out two or four weeks in advance.  R. S. V. P. is not used, and they should be answered immediately.

Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special guest are engraved, and state this fact.  If for good reasons there is not sufficient time to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which is written:  To meet Miss Wilson.

       For ceremonious dinners, cards may be engraved,
       with place for guest’s name left blank
       and filled in by hand.

       When frequent dinners are given, invitations
       may be engraved, with blanks to be
       filled with dates, etc.

       Written invitations are also proper to indicate
       an unceremonious dinner.  Note sheets
       can be used.

  Husband and wife.  Both the husband and
       wife should always be invited to a dinner.

When a husband and wife are invited to dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should decline, giving her reason.  The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.

  Men.  Full dress is necessary for all except informal
       dinners.

The man at the door, after asking the guest’s name, hands him an envelope, with his name upon it, enclosing a card with the name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; or these envelopes may be in the dressing- rooms, if preferred.  It will also be designated at which side of the table (right or left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the table, with the names of the guests, should be hung in each dressing-room.  The guests pair off as indicated.

As soon as possible a man should seek the woman assigned to him, and inform her that he will be pleased to act as her escort, disguising any personal preference he may have otherwise.

       He should offer his left arm when escorting
       her to dinner.

When the dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the woman he escorts, and the rest follow.  To avoid confusion, a man should remember on which side of the table he is to sit, his place being indicated by a dinner card.

       If unacquainted with the woman a man is
       to escort to dinner, he should seek an introduction
       from the hostess.

Page 54

When the women rise to leave, the men rise and remain standing until the women leave the dining-room, or they may accompany them to the drawing-room, and then return for coffee and cigars.  They should not remain longer than half an hour.

  Leaving cards.  After a dinner a man should
       leave a card for host and hostess, whether
       the invitation was accepted or not; or it
       may be sent by mail or messenger, with an
       apology for so doing.

  Precedence.  The host offers his right arm to
       the woman who is the guest, or the most distinguished
       woman, or the eldest, or the one
       invited for the first time.  If the dinner is
       given in honor of a married couple, the host
       would take in the wife, and the husband
       would accompany the hostess, who comes
       last in the procession into the dining-room.

       It is a fixed rule that relatives, or husbands
       and wives, are never seated together.

       If possible, there should be an equal number
       of men and women, and if the latter outnumber
       the former, the hostess enters alone.

  Second helping.  At formal dinner parties,
       luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings
       are never offered by the host or hostess, and
       should not be asked for by the guests.  This
       is only permissible at a small dinner party
       or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water for which the guest might ask, or for wine, for which the butler should keep a good lookout.

  Table etiquette.  See table etiquette.

  Women.  When wraps have been removed, and
       the woman leaves the dressing-room, the escort
       chosen by the hostess approaches and makes
       known the fact, accompanying her to the
       table.  If the escort is not thoroughly agreeable
       to the woman, she should conceal the
       fact.

At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises and the women follow, leaving their napkins unfolded.  They retire to the drawing-room, while the men remain for coffee and cigars.  If the men prefer, they may escort them to the drawing-room, where they bow and return.

  Gloves.  Women may remove their gloves at
       table, and it is not necessary to replace them. 
       They should be laid in the lap.  The hostess
       generally determines whether the women
       should resume their gloves or not by her own
       actions.

       Full dress is worn.

  Given by men—­women.  A young woman may
       accept a man’s invitation, provided she has
       the consent of her mother or guardian, and
       is assured that there will be present a chaperone.

Page 55

  Given by bachelors.  See bachelors’ dinners.

DINNER DANCE.

  Invitations.  The hostess issues two sets of
       invitations—­one for those invited to both the
       dinner and the dance, and one for those invited
       to the dance only.

For the former she could use her usual engraved dinner cards with the words:  Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards with the words:  Dancing at eleven.

A less formal way for the latter invitation is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left hand corner:  Dancing at ten, February the tenth.

Doctor—­how addressed. A doctor or physician
       should be addressed as Dr. both by correspondence
       and in conversation.

This title of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational institutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.

Dowager duchess.  See duchess, dowager.

Dowager marchioness.  See marchioness, dowager.

DRESS.

  Afternoon.  See afternoon—­dress.

  Afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas—­dress.

  At homes.  See at homes—­dress.

  Bachelors’ dinners.  See bachelor’s dinners—­
       dress.

  Bachelors’ teas.  See bachelor’s teas—­dress.

  Balls.  See balls—­dress.

  Breakfasts.  See breakfasts—­dress.

  CHRISTENINGS.  See christening—­dress.

  Cotillions.  See Cotillions—­dress.

  Cotillions by subscriptions.  See Cotillions
       by subscriptions—­dress.

  Dances.  See dances—­dress.

  Dinners.  See dinners—­dress.

  Evening.  See evening dress.

  Garden parties.  See garden parties—­dress.

  High teas.  See high teas—­dress.

  House parties.  See house parties—­dress.

  Luncheons.  See luncheons—­dress.

  MATINEES.  See matinees—­dress.

  MUSICALES.  See musicales—­dress.

  Theatres.  See theatres—­dress.

  Weddings.  See weddings—­dress.

Dress—­men and women.  For particulars as to dress
       at different functions, see each entertainment
       —­as, Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres,
       Breakfasts, etc.

Page 56

DRESS—­WOMEN.

  Bride.  See bride—­dress.

  Bridesmaids.  See bridesmaids—­dress.

  Calls.  See calls—­women—­dress.

  Funerals.  See funerals—­women—­dress.

  Maid of honor.  See maid of honor—­dress.

  Mourning.  See mourning—­dress, women.

  Dressing-rooms. At all entertainments,
       dressing-rooms should be provided for both
       the men and for the women, with suitable
       attendants, where all outer wraps, coats, over-
       shoes, etc., should be left.

DRIVING

  Men.  When driving with a woman, a man should
       be careful that the carriage is well drawn up
       to the steps, and that she be given time in
       which to comfortably seat herself before he
       begins to drive.

A man when driving with a woman should refrain from asking her permission to smoke, and, of course, would never do so without her permission.

       He should be careful to lift his hat as if he
       were on the street, and if this is not possible,
       to touch it with the whip in place of a bow.

The host of a coaching party, if he is also the whip, would give the chaperone the seat on the box at the left of his, unless he wished that seat to be occupied by some special young woman.  The person occupying this seat should always be helped by the host to climb to her place.

It is customary when the coach is a high one to seat a woman between two men, and they would ascend and descend in the order in which they were seated.

Even if the woman asks a man to drive with her, he should help her to her seat, and be ready to step down when a halt is made to assist her to alight.

It is not customary when a woman has asked a man to drive with her for her to call for him at his club or home, but to meet him at her house.

  Dress.  The whip wears a gray suit with a gray
       high hat and gray gloves, with a white silk
       tie and white linen.  But in summer this costume
       is often made lighter and more comfortable
       to suit the weather, and a straw hat
       or panama, with flannel trousers and dark
       serge sacque coat, would be in good taste.

       There are no hard and fast rules governing
       the dress of men when driving.

  Women.  The etiquette in general is the same
       for a woman as for a man.

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When a woman asks a man or a male relative to drive with her, she does not call for him, but meets him at her door.  Even if a groom is present, he should help her to mount to her seat, and at the proper time descend before her and help her to alight.

Duchess—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       Madam, may it please Your Grace, and ends: 
       I have the honor to remain your Grace’s obedient
       servant.

       A social letter begins:  My Dear Duchess of
       Kent, and ends:  Believe me, dear Duchess,
       yours very truly.

       The address on the envelope is:  To Her
       Grace, The Duchess of Kent.

Duchess, dowager—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  May it please your Grace, and
       ends:  I have the honor to remain your Grace’s
       obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Duchess
       Of Kent, and ends:  Believe me, dear Duchess,
       yours very truly.

       The address on the envelope is:  To Her
       Grace, The Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, To
       Her Grace, Minnie, Duchess of Kent.

Duke—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       My Lord Duke, may it please your grace, and
       ends:  I have the honor to be your grace’s most
       obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Duke of
       Kent, and ends:  believe me, dear Duke, your
       Grace’s very faithfully.

       The address on the envelope is:  To His
       Grace, The Duke of Kent.

  Daughter of.  See Daughter of Duke.

  Wife of younger son of.  See Wife of
       Younger Son of Duke.

  Younger son of.  See Son (Younger) of Duke.

Earl—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       My Lord, and ends:  I have the honor to be
       your lordship’s obedient servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable The Earl Of Kent.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lord Kent,
       and ends:  Believe me my dear Lord Kent,
       very sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Earl of Kent

  Daughter of.  See Daughter of Earl.

  Wife of younger son.  See Wife of Younger
       Son of Earl.

  Younger son of.  See Son (Younger) of Earl.

Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten with
       a spoon.

Elevator.  Men should remove their hats when
       riding in an elevator with women, although
       it is held by some that an elevator is as much
       a public conveyance as a car, and this act of
       courtesy as unnecessary in the one place as
       in the other.  Women enter and leave before
       men.

Page 58

ENGAGEMENT.

  Men It is his duty to see the woman’s parents
       or guardian, and to make known his
       intentions, and to tell them fully and frankly
       about himself, his family, his social position,
       and business prospects.  He should court the
       fullest investigation, and take his own family
       into his confidence, but not mention it to
       others.

  Parents of man.  They should send their
       pleasant greetings and congratulations,
       accompanied with flowers, and if both families
       are old acquaintances, a present may be sent
       to the prospective bride.

  Parents of woman.  The first step is to bring
       together both parents in social intercourse—­
       as, by a dinner given by the man’s or woman’s
       family, when friends may be invited, by
       interchange of notes and congratulations, by
       any social visit, or by any function that good
       taste may dictate.

If one family lives out of town, it may invite various members of the other family living in the city to make visits of some duration, as a week or more.  These visits should be returned.

  Public announcement.  This item of news is
       rarely published in the papers, but if it is,
       the expense is borne by the family of the
       woman.  The public announcement is usually
       made at some social entertainment—­as, a
       dinner, tea, or an “At Home,” given by either
       family.

At a formal dinner given by the family of the woman, the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother.  At the proper time the father drinks his future son-in-law’s health and announces the engagement.  All rise, and congratulations follow.

       Notes may be written to intimate friends
       informing them of the happy event.

  Women.  A woman should at once confide in
       her parents, and trust to their future
       guidance and to their making a full investigation
       of the man, his social condition, and business
       prospects.  They should not mention the
       matter to others.

Immediately after the engagement, each of the two parties should be introduced to the family of the other party.  Before the wedding-cards are issued the woman should leave her card personally at the homes of her friends, but without entering.  After the wedding-cards are issued she should not appear at any social function, or make any personal visits, or be seen at any place of amusement.

It is not wise for her to call at the place of business of her fiance, and if a meeting is necessary, it is better to make an appointment elsewhere.

  Ring.  The ring is given by the man

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He may ask the woman to aid him in the selection, but it is better for him to make the selection alone.  The woman may give the man an engagement ring or a gift if she wishes.

Entertainments—­calls after.  See calls—­men—­after
       entertainments.

Envelopes, addressing.  See addressing envelopes.

Esquire.  Either Esq. or Mr. may be used in
       addressing a letter, but never the two at the
       same time.

Evening calls.  When no special day for receiving
       is indicated, calls may be made at any proper
       hour, according to the custom of the locality. 
       Men of leisure may call at the fashionable
       hours, from two till five o’clock in the
       afternoon, while business and professional men
       may call between eight and nine in the
       evening, as their obligations prevent them from
       observing the fashionable hours.

EVENING DRESS.

  Men.  Evening dress should be worn on all
       formal occasions, consisting of the swallow-
       tail coat of black material, made in the
       prevailing fashion, with waistcoat and trousers
       of the same material; or a white vest may
       be worn.

The linen must be white.  Studs or shirt- buttons may be worn, according to fashion.  The collar should be high, and the cravat white.  Low patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves complete the costume.

Evening dress should be worn at all formal functions after six o’clock—­as, balls, dinners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable evening calls where women are present.

The phrase, “evening dress,” is now used
in place of full dress.

A Tuxedo should never be worn when
women are present.

See also Tuxedo.  Clergyman—­evening
dress.

Weddings, evening.  Full evening dress is
worn by the groom and ushers.  Guests are
likewise in evening dress.

Clergyman.  Custom permits a clergyman to
wear his clerical dress at all functions where
other men wear evening dress, or he may
wear evening dress.

Evening receptions.  The etiquette is the same as
       for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no
       cards are left by the guests, and that they
       wear evening dress.

         See afternoon teas (formal).

Page 60

Facsimile cards, engraved, are no longer used.

Family of bride.  The family, except the father,
       leave the house first, then the bridesmaids,
       the maid of honor with the mother, and last
       the bride with her father or nearest male
       relative.  At church the family is seated by the
       ushers.

At the conclusion of the ceremony they are the first to be escorted from their pew and to take their carriage for the wedding reception or breakfast.

Wedding breakfast. The bride’s father or
       her nearest male relative takes in the groom’s
       mother, and the bride’s mother, as hostess, is
       taken in by the groom’s father.

Wedding reception.  The parents of both
       bride and groom stand up with the married
       couple, and are introduced to the guests.

Family of groom.  At the church the family and
       relatives of the groom are seated on one side,
       while the family of the bride and her
       relatives are seated on the other.

  Wedding breakfast. The groom’s mother is
       taken in by the bride’s father, and the groom’s
       father takes in the bride’s mother, who,
       acting as hostess, comes last.

  Wedding reception.  The parents of both
       bride and groom stand up with the married
       couple, and are introduced to the guests.

Farewell bachelor dinner.  See bachelor’s farewell
       dinners.

Farewell bridal luncheon.  See bride—­farewell
       luncheon.

FATHER OF BRIDE.

  Debuts.  When the debut is a formal one, he
       stands beside his wife and daughter, and
       receives the congratulations of the guests.  At
       a supper or dinner he escorts the most
       distinguished woman.  If there is no brother to
       escort the debutante, he does so, and she is
       seated at his left hand.

  Dinner, engagement.  At a formal dinner
       given by the family of the engaged woman
       the father takes out his daughter first and
       her fiance escorts her mother.  At the proper
       time the father drinks to the health of his
       future son-in-law, and announces the
       engagement.  All rise, and congratulations follow.

       He wears evening dress.

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The father of the bride, or her nearest male relative, drives to the church with her, and is there received by the ushers and bridesmaids, and escorts her in the procession up the aisle.

After the procession has arrived at the chancel and the groom comes forward to take the bride’s hand, he steps back a little way and waits for the clergyman’s words:  “Who giveth this woman away?” He then places the bride’s right hand in that of the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the pew with his family.

  Wedding breakfast. He takes in the mother
       of the groom, following the ushers and the
       maids of honor.

  Wedding reception.  He escorts the groom’s
       mother, and receives with the married couple.

Father of groom.  At a wedding breakfast he should
       take in the mother of the bride, and at a
       wedding reception he receives with the bride
       and groom.

       At a church wedding he is, of course, given
       a front seat among those reserved for the
       groom’s family.

       He should wear afternoon dress for an
       afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an
       evening wedding.

FEES.

  Christening.  See christening—­fees

  Wedding.  The wedding fee, preferably gold or
       clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the
       best man to the officiating clergyman.  Custom
       leaves the amount to the groom, who
       should give at least five dollars or more, in
       proportion to his income and social position. 
       The clergyman usually gives the fee to his
       wife.

       A fee should also be paid to the sexton and
       the organist

Fiance, mourning for.  In the event of the death
       of a woman’s betrothed shortly before the
       date of the wedding, she may wear black for
       a short period or full mourning for a year.

Finger-Bowl.  The fingers should be dipped in the
       water and gently rubbed together, and dried
       on the napkins.

First calls.  Newcomers and brides are called upon
       first.

       After a country visit, the visitor should call
       first upon the hostess when the latter returns
       to town.

       Other things being equal, the younger or
       unmarried woman calls first upon the older
       or married woman.

       A woman returning to town before another
       one would make the first call.

       If one woman issues her at home card
       before another, she should receive the first
       call.

Page 62

Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the right
       hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. 
       The bones should be removed from the
       mouth with the aid of a fork or with the
       fingers.  If by the latter, great delicacy
       should be used.

Flower girl.  The flower girls—­one or two, as may
       be the case—­follow the maid of honor up the
       isle and strew flowers in the path of the
       bride, who follows after.

       In the procession down the isle they should
       follow the bride.

       Flower girls and pages are not used now
       as much as formerly.

Flowers.  Between friends, flowers may be sent as
       an expression of sympathy in either joy or
       sorrow.

  Birth, announcement of.  If wishing to send
       congratulations after a birth, cards should be
       left in person or sent by a messenger.  Cut
       flowers may be sent with the card.

  Bride.  If she wishes, a bride may present flowers
       to her bridesmaids, and also to the best
       man and ushers.

  Christening.  A christening ceremony offers a
       good opportunity for the guests who desire
       to present flowers to the mother.  This is
       not obligatory, however, and must remain a
       matter of personal taste.

  Condolence calls.  When making a condolence
       call upon a very intimate friend, cut
       flowers may be left in person or sent,
       together with a card, unless request has been
       made to send none.

  Debutante.  Friends should send flowers to a
       debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.

  Engagement.  Flowers should accompany the
       greetings from the parents of the man to the
       parents of the woman.

  Funerals.  See funerals—­flowers.

  Groom.  He pays for the bridal bouquet carried
       by the bride at the wedding ceremony, and, if
       he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the
       bridesmaids.

  Men.  If well acquainted with a debutante’s
       family, a man may send her flowers at the
       time of her debut.

After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a man can present flowers to a young unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of joy or sorrow.

       It is not usual for a man to send flowers to
       a woman who is a mere acquaintance.

  Balls.  It is permissible for a man, if he wishes,
       to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to
       a ball.

  Theatre or opera.  It is permissible, but not
       necessary, for a man to send flowers to the
       woman he is to take to the theatre or to the
       opera.

Page 63

  Wedding trip.  The best man should arrange
       beforehand all the details of the trip—­such as
       the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.

  Pall-bearers.  See pall-bearers—­flowers.

Fork and knife.  See knife and fork.

Formal afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas (formal).

Formal dances.  See dances (formal).

Fruit.  All raw fruit, except melons, berries, and
       grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. 
       Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.

Full dress.  This phrase is now no longer in good
       usage, and instead should be used the term: 
       “Evening Dress,” which see.

Funerals.  A member of the family, or very near
       relative, should take charge of the ceremony
       and direct the undertaker.  A large funeral
       should be avoided, and the ceremony confined
       to the immediate family and nearest relatives,
       and, if possible, the service should be at the
       church.

All the details of the funeral should be carefully considered and carried out, with the ceremony started at the hour set, and with all appearance of confusion avoided.

       It is not now customary to watch by the
       dead at night.

       Funerals should be private, and only those
       intimately interested should be invited.

  Carriages.  A carriage should always be
       provided to call for the clergyman and to take
       him from the church or cemetery back to his
       house.  Carriages should also be provided to
       take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers
       from the house to the church, and then to the
       cemetery and return.  These are provided by
       the family.

  Dress.  See funerals—­men.

  Expenses.  Though it is not customary for
       the clergyman in Protestant churches to
       expect or to receive fees for conducting funerals,
       yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a
       fee.  In the Roman Catholic Church the rate
       of fees for funerals is fixed.  There are,
       besides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the
       singers.

  Flowers.  The family, in publishing notice of
       funeral, may add:  “Kindly omit flowers.” 
       However, in the absence of such a notice,
       at the public funerals of prominent persons
       elaborate designs may be sent.  But at a
       private funeral, if flowers are sent, they
       should be choice and delicate.

Page 64

The custom is growing of having fewer flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to have a carriage in the procession carrying flowers and set pieces.  A good use of the large set pieces is to send them afterward to the hospitals.

       If any flowers are laid upon the grave
       they should be those given by the nearest
       relatives.

  Invitations.  A church funeral can be attended
       by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no
       slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an
       invitation.  Those attending should take
       especial pains to be in the church before the
       funeral procession arrives, and that they do
       nothing to distract from the solemnity of the
       occasion.

Notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards, or on mourning paper, and sent to friends.  Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.

  Men—­dress.  A man should wear either a black
       frock coat or a black cutaway, with the
       necktie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as
       subdued as possible.  Under no conditions
       should light ties or light-colored linen be
       worn.

  Pall-bearers.  See pall-bearers.

  Precedence.  At a church funeral the parents,
       arm in arm, follow the body of their child,
       and the children come next in the order of
       their age.

       A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest
       son, follows the body of her husband, and
       the other children come after.

       A widower, attended by his eldest daughter
       or son, follows the body of his wife, and the
       children come after.

The elder children always precede the younger.  The pall-bearers are seated at the left of the main isle, and the near relatives at the right.

  Public notice.  When the date of the funeral
       has been determined upon, notice should be
       published in the papers, giving date, place,
       and time of funeral—­also date of birth and
       late place of residence of deceased.  Such
       announcement may contain notice that
       the interment is private, and also the words: 
       “Kindly omit flowers.”

A notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning paper, and sent to friends.  Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.

  Church.  The pall-bearers and the nearest relatives
       meet at the house.  At the appointed
       hour the procession leaves the house, the
       casket borne on the shoulders of the undertaker’s
       assistants, followed by the pall-bearers,
       relatives, and friends.

Page 65

The same order is followed in the procession up the aisle, the relatives occupying the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle.  At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends wait until the family and pall-bearers have left, and then quietly retire.

  House.  At a house funeral, some one representing
       the family should receive the people
       as they enter and direct them where to go,
       it being customary for the family and relatives
       to be in one room and the friends in
       another.

Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if there are, their duties are the same as at a church funeral.  The clergyman should stand near the casket, and if there are musicians they should be so stationed that, while they are not seen, they are easily heard.  At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart, and thus allow the family and relatives to take the last leave of the deceased before they take the carriages for the cemetery.

       It is customary for the family to be in
       retirement at the hour of the funeral, and
       they are the first to enter the carriages.

Those in charge of the house should, after the funeral party has left, arrange the apartments to make them as cheerful as possible, and also provide a substantial meal for the mourners on their return.

GARDEN PARTIES.

Cards.  Guests leave their cards in the hall either
when entering or leaving only at large garden
parties.

Dress.  It is customary for women to wear light
afternoon dresses.

Men wear summer business suits, yachting
flannels, and straw hats, and even white duck
trousers.  Gloves are not worn.

The regulation frock coat and high hat is
not worn, save by men from the city or at
some extremely fashionable affair.

Guests.  After leaving their outer garments in
the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay
their respects to the hostess, after which
they are free to enjoy themselves as they
please.

The usual length of stay is about half an
hour or the whole afternoon.

While guests may arrive at their own convenient time, they would do well to remember that they have not the same freedom to come and go as at an afternoon reception.

       Guests should take leave of the hostess unless
       she is very much engaged.

  Hostess.  The hostess wears afternoon dress,
       and usually one that is dainty and delicate—­
       suitable for a summer afternoon.

       She receives on the lawn, shakes hands
       with each guest, and makes introductions
       when deemed essential.

       She may, if she so desires, receive with
       some member of her family.

Page 66

  Hours.  These are from 3 to 7 P.M.

  Invitations.  These are issued in the name of
       the hostess, and may be engraved or written. 
       Sometimes the hostess writes on her card: 
       Garden party, July 17, from 4 to 7, or she
       may use an at home card, and in the lower
       left-hand corner write:  Garden party.  The
       engraved card usually indicates an elaborate
       affair.

       These invitations may be sent by mail or
       messenger.

       It is a good plan to add to the invitations
       some information regarding the trains, or to
       enclose a time-table.

       All such invitations should be promptly
       acknowledged or declined.

  Men.  Men wear summer business suits, white
       ducks, or yachting flannels, A tennis suit
       would be permissible.

The regulation frock coat and high hat should be worn only by men from the city attending an affair in the country, or at some extremely fashionable affair.

       Men should greet the hostess both on their
       arrival and departure.

       Visiting-cards are left only at large garden
       parties.

  Women.  Women wear light, delicate, afternoon
       dresses.

       They should greet the hostess, both on their
       arrival and departure.

       Visiting-cards are left only at large and
       formal outdoor affairs.

Germans.  See Cotillions.

GIFTS.

  After house party.  While not necessary, a
       guest after a house party may send some
       trifle to the hostess as a token of pleasure
       and appreciation.

  Best man.  After the groom selects the best
       man, the latter should send a gift to the
       bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the
       groom, a custom not yet clearly established.

  Christening.  A christening ceremony offers a
       good opportunity for the invited guests so
       wishing to send a gift to the baby.  These
       should be sent a day or two before the
       ceremony, and, if of silver, should be suitably
       marked with the child’s name, initials, or
       monogram.

  Engagement.  If both families of the engaged
       couple are old acquaintances, the parents of
       the man may send a gift along with their
       greetings and congratulations.

  Wedding.  See weddings—­gifts.

Gifts between men and women.  Books, flowers,
       and other small articles of decoration are
       proper gifts to accept.

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Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any other article, depends largely upon the relationships of the parties, and should not be done unless the sender is sure of its acceptance.  Such gifts should not be accepted from mere acquaintances or friends.

       It is bad form for a man to send expensive
       presents to a woman who may be compelled
       to return them.

GLOVES.

  Men.  At the opera or theatre, if in full dress,
       gloves may be dispensed with, but they are
       worn with street dress.  With formal evening
       dress, white kid gloves should be worn.

For afternoon dress, gloves should be of undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown.  When calling, the glove of the right hand should be removed upon entering the drawing-room.

       Gloves should not be worn at high teas.

  Men—­afternoon dress.  Undressed kid
       gloves of a dark color are worn.

  Men-balls.  Men should always wear gloves
       at all balls, in summer or winter, in town or
       city.

  Men-calling on women.  Gloves need not
       be removed at a formal or brief call.

  Men-dances.  Gloves should be worn at formal
       dances, and should be put on before entering
       the room.

  Men-high tea.  Men do not wear gloves.

  Men-mourning.  Black or dark-colored gloves
       should be worn.

  Men—­shaking hands.  At weddings, operas,
       or dances, and on all very formal occasions,
       men wear gloves.  In shaking hands with
       women on these occasions gloves should not
       be removed.

       If a hostess wears gloves at any formal
       affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands
       with her.

A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves.  A sudden meeting, etc., may make a hand-shaking in gloves unavoidable.  Unless the other party is also gloved, a man should say:  “Please excuse my glove.”

  Women.  Gloves should always be worn on the
       street.

       At dinners, or formal teas, women should
       remove their gloves at the table and place
       them in their laps.

At dinners and formal teas, when the women have retired to the drawing-room, they may resume their gloves or not, or follow the example of the hostess.

       At informal teas or “At Homes” the
       hostess need not wear gloves.

  Breakfast. Gloves should be removed at table.

  Dinner.  Women may remove their gloves at
       table, and it is not necessary to replace
       them.  They should be laid in the lap.  The
       hostess generally determines by her own
       actions whether the women should resume
       gloves or not.

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  Mourning.  Gloves may be of black kid, suede,
       or black silk.  In the evening, black suede
       or glace, or white suede should be worn. 
       White gloves with black stitching should not
       be worn in the evening.

  Bride.  See bride—­gloves.

  Groom.  See groom—­gloves.

  Ushers.  See ushers—­gloves.

Godfather.  A man asked to be one of the sponsors
       at a christening ceremony should reply by a
       written note or by calling in person.

       He should call immediately on the parents
       and send flowers to the mother, and express
       himself as pleased at the compliment.

He should send a present to the child, usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of money to the child’s credit, and present him with the bank-book.

       He should also send with his present one
       of his calling cards, on which is written some
       appropriate sentiment.

It is his privilege, when the wine is about to be drunk after the ceremony, to first propose the health of the child and then the health of the mother.

       The duties of the godfather at the ceremony
       consist of assenting to the vows.

Godmother.  A woman asked to be a sponsor at a
       christening should immediately accept or
       decline the invitation either by a written note
       or a call.

       She should also call on the parents and send
       flowers to the mother, and express pleasure
       at the compliment paid to her.

It is always customary for the godmother to give the child a gift, such as a christening robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver.  If the latter is sent, it should have the child’s name on it.  With the gift should be sent the sponsor’s calling card, with some appropriate sentiment on it.  It is customary to send the gift to the child itself.

Golden weddings.  Fifty years after the wedding-day
       comes the Golden Wedding.  The invitations
       may bear the words:  No presents
       received, and congratulations may be extended
       in accepting or declining the invitation.  An
       entertainment is usually provided for.

The gifts are, appropriately, articles of gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty dollar denomination.  The invitations are appropriately engraved in gold, and the decorations golden in color.

Governor of A state—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have the honor,
       sir, to remain your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Governor
       Wilson, and ends:  Believe me, most sincerely
       yours.

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       The address on the envelope is:  Governor
       John J. Wilson.

Grapes and plums should be eaten one by one, and
       the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the
       half-closed hand and then transferred to the
       plate.

Groom.  The groom selects his best man, usually
       an unmarried intimate friend, though a married
       man or widower is permissible.  After
       consultation with the bride he calls upon the
       clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and invites
       the ushers.

       When he is informed by his bride of the
       day selected for the wedding, he should ask
       her mother to accept the day agreed upon.

He may make what present he desires to the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides- maids.  If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his name or cipher.

He should furnish the bride’s family with a list of names of persons to whom he desires to have invitations sent, designating his preference for those to be asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.

  Before ceremony.  The day before the ceremony,
       or sooner, he gives into the safe-
       keeping of the best man the ring and the fee
       for the clergyman.

       He also sends or hands the marriage license
       (if one is needed) to the officiating
       clergyman before the ceremony.

  Church, It is not customary for the groom to
       see his bride on the wedding-day till he
       meets her at the altar.  The groom and the
       best man usually breakfast together on the
       wedding-day and arrive in ample time at the
       church.

Upon the arrival of the bride in the vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel, followed by the groom and the best man.  The groom then steps forward, and stands at the left of the clergyman, facing the audience.  It is a good plan for both the groom and best man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if the groom has not done so, he gives his hat and gloves to the best man on the approach of the bride, and advances to meet her.  He gives her his left arm, and together they stand before the clergyman.

At the proper moment he receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride.  It is no longer in good form for him to kiss the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving the congratulations of the clergyman to give her his right arm, and together they lead the procession to the vestibule.

  Clergyman.  While the bride selects the officiating
       clergyman, it is the place of the groom
       to call upon him in regard to the details, and
       to pay him the fee.

If the clergyman from any cause—­as, living outside of the State—­cannot legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the marriage, and should receive a fee.

  Dress-evening wedding.  He wears full
       evening dress.

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  Dress-morning or afternoon wedding. 
       He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a
       double-breasted frock coat of dark material,
       waistcoat, single or double (preferably the
       latter), of same material, or more usually of
       some fancy material of late design.  The
       trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding
       extremes.  The linen should be white, and
       the tie white or light material, and the gloves
       of gray suede.  These, with patent-leather
       shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume.

  Expenses.  He pays for the license fee, the
       organist’s fee, and a fee to the sexton.

Nothing less than five dollars in gold, clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, or more, according to social position and financial income, should be the clergyman’s fee.  Should there be one or two additional clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of the officiating clergyman being double that of the others.

He pays for the carriages of the ushers, the one for himself and the best man, and the one which takes away the married couple on their wedding trip.

He pays for the bouquet carried by the bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids.  He also pays for the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he wishes, for the gloves and neckties given to the ushers and the best man.

He pays for the wedding-ring—­a plain gold one, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved thereon.  He may also present some souvenirs to the bridesmaids.

He may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends.  He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and ushers.

  Farewell dinner.  See bachelor’s farewell
       dinner.

  Gloves.  At a morning or afternoon wedding,
       the groom wears gray suede gloves.

       At an evening wedding he wears white kid
       gloves.

Wedding breakfast. The bride and groom
enter first, and are seated at the principal
table.

Wedding reception.  The groom and his bride
stand side by side and receive the
congratulations of all present.  The guests serve
them refreshments.

         See also best man.  Bride.  Ushers.  All
       items under weddings.

Groom’s family.  See family of groom.

Groom’s father.  See father of groom.

Groom’s mother.  See mother of groom.

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GUESTS.

  Guest of honor at balls, if the ball is given
       in honor of some special person, he should be
       met on his arrival, introduced to the women
       of the reception committee, escorted to the
       seat prepared for him, and be attended to the
       whole evening by the management of the ball.

       At the end of the ball, he should be escorted
       to his carriage.

  Late at dinners.  When a guest arrives late
       he should make a short and suitable apology
       to the hostess, and then take his seat as
       quickly and as quietly as possible.

       The hostess shakes hands with the guest,
       but does not rise unless the guest is a woman.

The host should in either case rise and meet the guest, and assist him in finding his seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation general, to distract attention from the event.

       For duties of guests, see other functions—­
       as, balls—­guests, christenings—­guests, etc.

Hand-shaking—­introductions.  Women and men on
       being introduced may shake hands, but it is
       not good form.  A polite bow, a smile, and
       friendly recognition is more correct.  If an
       advance is made by either party, it should be
       immediately accepted.

HAT.

  Men—­calling.  When making a formal or
       brief call, the hat should be carried in the
       hand into the parlor.

In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, or rendering any service to a woman in public, or in answering a question, the hat should be raised.

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat upon closing the carriage door.  When attentions are offered by another man to a woman whom he is escorting, a man raises his hat in acknowledgment of the courtesy and thanks the party.

       In a street-car a man raises his hat when
       giving his seat to a woman.

       On the railroad a man removes his hat in
       the parlor-car, but not in the day coach.

       In an elevator a man should remove his
       hat in the presence of women.

In hotels where corridors are reserved and used as places of meeting and recreation by the guests, no hats should be worn.  Standing uncovered when talking to a woman on the street is generally embarrassing to her, and it is better to make a polite bow and replace it after a few seconds.

  Mourning.  A crape band around the hat should
       be worn—­the width of the band being
       determined by the character of the bereavement.

High tea.  This is an elaborate entertainment,
       and an elaborate menu is generally served.

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  Calls.  Calls should be made in person one week
       after the event.

  Guests.  Guests wear evening dress, and should
       not remain more than half an hour.

  Invitations.  These are engraved, and the
       hour for the entertainment specified.  They
       should be issued in the name of the hostess
       only, except in such cases when the entertainment
       is the occasion of a debut or another
       woman assists, in which event her
       name appears likewise.

       The invitations should be promptly accepted
       or declined.

  Men.  Full dress is worn, but men do not wear
       gloves.

  Women.  Full dress is worn.

Home weddings.  Weddings at the homes of the
       brides vary much, according to the taste of
       the participants.  The ushers, bridesmaids,
       best man, and maid of honor are generally
       dispensed with; but if present, their duties
       are the same as at a church wedding, with
       minor differences.

The clergyman stands in a large room decorated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom beside him.  The bride enters on the arm of her father, followed by the bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony proceeds as at a church, with the usual congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

Refreshments are served, either formal or informal.  At an afternoon ceremony men wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if in the evening, the usual evening dress.

Honeymoon, See wedding trip.

Honor, seat of.  The seat of honor is at the right
       of the host.

HOST.

  Afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas—­host.

  Bachelors’ dinners.  See bachelors’ dinners—­
       host.

  Bachelors’ teas.  See bachelors’ teas—­host.

  Balls.  See balls—­host.

  Dances.  See dances (formal)—­host.

  Dinners.  See dinners—­host.

  MATINEES.  See matinees—­host.

  Theatres.  See theatre and opera parties
       given by men.

HOSTESS.

  Introductions.  Introductions to the hostess at
       an “At Home” or reception by women
       assisting hostess, to those who have been invited
       to the entertainment by them, are not
       recognized thereafter unless by mutual consent.

       The hostess receiving in her own home
       should offer her hand to all to whom she is
       introduced.

       The hostess introduces her immediate family
       to all her guests.  No formal permission
       is necessary.

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       In the case of one woman desiring an introduction
       to another, the hostess should be
       asked to bring this about.

  Introductions by chaperones.  At entertainments
       both the chaperone and her protege
       should enter together, and the chaperone
       should introduce her protege to the hostess.

  Women calling upon.  When calling formally
       upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card,
       whether the hostess was at home or not.

When a son enters society, his mother, when calling, can leave his cards for him, and invitations to entertainments will follow.  If it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself she may continue to do so.

  Women leaving cards on.  When a mother
       leaves her daughter’s card, it is for the hostess
       only.

  High teas.  See high teas—­hostess.

  House parties.  See house parties—­hostess.

  Luncheons.  See luncheons—­hostess.

  MATINEES.  See matinees—­hostess.

  Shaking hands.  See shaking hands—­host.

  Weddings.  See mother of bride.

HOURS.

  Afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas—­hours.

  Breakfasts.  See breakfasts—­hours.

  Calls.  See calls—­hours.

  Dinners.  See dinners—­hours.

  Garden parties.  See garden parties—­hours.

  Luncheons.  See luncheons—­hours.

  MUSICALES.  See musicales—­hours.

  Receptions.  See receptions—­hours.

  Weddings.  See weddings—­hours.

House funerals.  See funerals—­house.

House parties.  These usually refer to a group of congenial
       persons, numbering from four to
       twenty-four, and visiting country homes,
       making a stay of a few days or a few weeks.

  Dress.  The length of the visit and the nature
       of the house party determines the extent of
       wardrobe necessary.  A guest should carry
       at least three changes of suits—­one for the
       morning, one suitable for afternoon entertainments,
       picnics, etc., and the regulation
       evening dress.

  Guest. To be a welcome guest the visitor
       should accommodate himself as much as possible
       to the plans of his hostess and the ways
       of the home life.

       A visitor should avoid the common mistake
       of refusing to make a choice when a
       choice is offered.

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       A guest should try to be congenial with
       the other guests, kind to the servants, and
       to be considerate of all others.

  Expenses.  The hostess should furnish transportation
       for both guests and baggage to and
       from the station.

Each guest should pay for all expenses incurred by him, and be especially careful, in the case of sickness or misfortune, that some items are not overlooked.

  Letter after departure.  If the visit has
       been more than two days, the guest should
       write a short letter to the hostess, telling
       of the pleasure the visit gave them and their
       safe journey home.

       A guest so desiring might send some trifle
       as a gift to the hostess.

  Tipping servants.  Unless a hostess positively
       requests her guests not to tip, a guest,
       when leaving at the end of a visit at a private
       house, should remember the servants. 
       The average American, from lack of a definite
       standard, too often errs on the side of
       giving too much.

       Those giving personal service should be
       remembered, as well as those who render service—­
       as, the coachman and outside servants.

  Hostess.  While careful to provide entertainment
       for her guests, a hostess should be careful
       not to overentertain, and to allow each guest
       ample time in which to enjoy themselves
       any way they please.  If an entertainment
       is planned for the afternoon, it is well to
       leave the mornings open, and Vice versa.

       The success of the hostess depends on her
       making the guests feel free from care and
       ennui.

  Caring for the sick.  In addition to the regular
       care of the guest’s room and attention to
       his comfort and pleasure, a hostess should
       double her energies in case her guest is sick.

She is not called upon to pay for the expenses of telegrams, doctor’s bills, medicines, etc., contracted by the guest.  If a guest departed without attending to these matters, the hostess would have to pay for them.

  Giving farewell, To visitors.  A hostess
       should, in bidding farewell to her visitors,
       see that she does not overdo it.

While it is not strictly necessary that a hostess should accompany a guest to the depot, yet many still follow this rule, especially in the case of an unmarried woman, and are careful to see to all the details of checking baggage, etc.

       In the case of a bachelor, such attention
       is not necessary.

       A hostess conveys at her own expense both
       the guest and baggage to and from the
       station.

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  Greeting visitors.  When an hour of arrival
       is specified in an invitation, the guest
       should be met at the station, especially an
       unmarried woman, by the hostess or host. 
       In case of married couples or bachelors, a
       man servant may meet them.

       In all cases the hostess should arrange for
       the conveyance of both the guests and their
       luggage.

       A hostess accompanies a woman to the
       guest chamber, but sends a man servant
       with a bachelor to the latter’s room.

  Invitations.  These should state definitely
       when a visit is to begin and to end.  It is
       also a good plan to allude in the invitation
       to any special amusement or entertainment.

       These invitations should be answered
       promptly.

  Men—­dress.  A man should carry with him
       one business suit, evening clothes, and one
       outing suit suitable for afternoon entertainments
       —­as, picnics, tennis, etc.  This is almost
       indispensable, and more depends upon the
       nature of the entertainments and the length
       of the visit.

  Women—­dress.  A woman should take at least
       three changes of dress—­one to travel in and
       wear in the morning, one for evening wear,
       and a third for afternoon picnics, outings,
       etc.  The length of her visit and the nature of
       the entertainments and her individual taste
       determines how much she may increase this.

House of representatives, member of.  An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have, sir, the
       honor to remain your most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain most
       sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Hon.  John
       F. Wilson.

Husband and wife—­cards, visiting.  See cards,
       visiting-husband and wife.

In memoriam cards.  Printed or engraved notes, or
       special cards, can be used, and should be
       heavily bordered.  Custom allows much diversity
       as to the contents of the card.  Place
       and date of birth, residence, date of death,
       and any other information of interest to
       friends and relatives may be given.

Infant’s cards.  The full name of the child should
       be engraved, with date of birth in lower
       left-hand corner, enclosed in envelope with
       mother’s card, and sent by mail.  Such cards
       are generally held together with white ribbon.

Page 76

Informal afternoon teas.  These are the usual afternoon
       teas.  By formal afternoon teas are
       meant those for which specially engraved
       cards have been issued, and at which all the
       arrangements are more elaborate.

         See afternoon teas.

Interior, Secretary of—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have, sir, the
       honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:  I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
       J. Wilson, Secretary Of The Interior.

Introductions.  One should be careful in making introductions. 
       It is easier to evade than to cause
       disagreeable complications.  It is unpardonable
       to introduce one party to another after
       having been warned not to do so.

Forgetting a person’s name when about to introduce is awkward, and when it does occur, one should apologize and ask name.  If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper to inform the one to whom you are introduced and to say:  “Pardon me, but I failed to hear your name.”  In making introductions one should distinctly pronounce the names.

Parents should not speak of or introduce their children as Miss Anna, but simply my daughter Anna.  Only before servants should they be spoken of as Miss Anna.

Persons of celebrity should have introductions made to them.  Men should always be introduced to women, the younger to an elder person, and unmarried persons to the married.  Persons at an entertainment are introduced to the guest of the occasion.

Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form.  A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct.

Those invited to an entertainment are on equal footing; it is therefore not necessary to introduce one to another.  Conversation may be held without this formality, though introductions may take place if desired.  When an introduction occurs, future recognition is not warranted.  For this reason great care should be exercised at entertainments that only those who are congenial to each other should be brought together.

       At small gatherings it is more kindly to
       introduce.  When many are present, it is not
       customary to do so.

       Introductions should not take place in a
       church or on the steps.

It is quite proper to introduce one group to another without formality at any outdoor function—­athletic games, etc.  Such introductions need not imply further acquaintance if undesirable.

  Dancing.  The man must be introduced to the
       woman, and he should ask her for the privilege
       of a dance.

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  Entertainments.  Introductions are not absolutely
       required at musicales, teas, “At
       Homes,” etc.  One may converse with those
       nearest, but this does not warrant future
       recognition.

  Men.  Men are introduced to women and single
       men to married men.

When introduced to a woman, a man should bow but not shake hands, and make some pleasant observations, and express pleasure at the introduction.

       When introduced to another man, the
       man should shake hands.

Business introductions are immediate and personal, and are intended to bring men together without much formality.  No formality is required in introducing one man to another on casual meeting.

It is well to avoid exaggerated expressions, as:  “Delighted to meet you,” or “Glad to know you.”  A simple “How do you do” is better.

A man introducing another to a woman should first ask her permission to do so.  This gained, he introduces him with the remark:  “Mr. Smith desires to be introduced to Miss Wilson.”

A woman’s permission should first be obtained by the party introducing.  Very often off-hand introductions take place; but it is better to be more formal and careful, as indicated.  If she evades or declines, a man should accept it without any show of feeling, and make it as easy for her as possible.

After an introduction at an entertainment, when a man meets the woman on the street, she should bow first if she desires to continue the acquaintance.

  Chaperone.  A man should never be introduced
       direct by card or letter to a young unmarried
       woman.  If he desires to be introduced, the
       letter or card of introduction should be addressed
       to her chaperone or mother, who may
       then introduce him to the young woman if
       she deems it advisable.

       At an entertainment a chaperone may ask
       a young man if he wishes to be introduced
       to the one under her care.

  Formula.  A good formula for men is:  “Mr.
       Brown, may I present Mr. Clark?”

A man presenting a man friend to a woman should say:  “Mr. Williams desires to be presented to Miss Wilson.  Miss Wilson, allow me to introduce Mr. Williams.  This is Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson.”

The formality is sometimes waved, and the forms, “This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones,” “Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones,” or “Allow me to present ——­,” are used when casual meetings occur.

  Party introduced. After receiving call of
       party to whom you have been introduced,
       the visit should be returned.  If at home
       card was left, the call should be made only
       on the days specified; if an ordinary card,
       call at any time within three to ten days.

Page 78

If the party introduced leaves town, he should send his card to his late host before leaving; upon his return, he should leave his card again.

  Party introducing by card—­women.  A
       note of explanation may be sent by party who
       brings about the introduction to the party to
       whom the introduction is made, giving such
       explanations as may be deemed advisable.

Two cards should be used—­a person’s own
card and the card of the party being introduced,
enclosed in envelope, and sent by
mail or messenger.  On the left corner over
name of party introduced should be written: 

                    Introducing Mr. Wilson

Party introducing by letter—­women. 
Care should be exercised that the introduction
is agreeable to all concerned.

Receptions.  The man should express desire
for an introduction.

Women.  Women calling and meeting others may
be introduced to each other by the hostess. 
Upon such an occasion, when a meeting happens
between women, conversation may take
place between them without an introduction. 
It does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.

Extreme etiquette demands that no two women of the same locality be introduced to each other without the consent of both parties.  The object of this is that, although the parties may be agreeable to the hostess, they may be objectionable to each other.

Women upon being introduced to each other may shake hands, but a slight inclination of the body, a smile, and an appropriate remark are more correct.

       When entering a room where others are
       assembled, introducing a guest to more than
       one person at a time is unadvisable.

       Men are introduced to women, single
       women to married women, and a young
       woman to an older one.

No woman should allow a man to be introduced to her unless her permission has been first obtained.  The exception would be in the case of a very elderly man, or a celebrity, when the honor would be conferred upon her.

A married woman to whom a man is presented receives him with some pleasant remark.  An unmarried one receives him with a pleasant smile and repeats his name.

Personal introduction is done by a third party introducing two persons to each other, provided it is agreeable to all concerned.  Introductions should be made with extreme care and caution, and not at all unless one is well acquainted with both parties.

Outdoor Introductions—­as, when meeting others, or at outdoor sports—­need not be formal, but can be done haphazard.  This does not imply further acquaintance if

Page 79

not desired.

  Formula.  A woman should introduce her husband
       to acquaintances as “My husband,”
       and not “Mr.”; to intimate friends as
       “Henry.”

  Hostess.  Introductions to the hostess at an
       “At Home,” or reception by women assisting
       hostess, of those who have been invited to
       the entertainment by them, are not recognized
       thereafter unless by mutual consent.

       The hostess receiving in her own home
       should offer her hand to all to whom she is
       introduced.

       The hostess introduces her immediate family
       to all her guests.  No formal permission
       is necessary.

       In the case of one woman desiring an introduction
       to another, the hostess should be
       asked to bring this about.

Introduction, letters of.  The introduction of one
       person to another by letter is as follows:  The
       party introducing writes the name of the party
       he introduces upon his own card, and above
       his name the words:  Introducing Mr. Wilson
       (his friend’s name).  It is then placed in an
       envelope and addressed to the person to whom
       the introduction is to be made.  On the
       lower left-hand corner of the envelope, Introducing
       Mr. Wilson, is written, and given to
       the bearer unsealed.

The party to whom a letter of introduction is given should send it by mail to the party they desire to be introduced to, enclosing their own card with address, and then await invitation to call.

       This is preferable to calling in person, as
       it may not be agreeable or desirable for the
       party to open and begin such an acquaintance.

       In business introduction, such formality
       may be set aside.

       If a letter of introduction is personally delivered,
       the party presenting it should also
       enclose card.

       If the party called upon is not at home,
       the letter or card should not be left, but sent
       by mail or messenger.

The one giving another a letter of introduction
may write to the friend explaining
why it is done, who and what the party is.

If a man sends a letter of introduction to
a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if
she wishes, invite him to call.

Party receiving—­women.  The party receiving
cards of introduction should call in person
upon woman introduced; if unable to do
so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons of
inability to be present.  A member of the
family may make the call instead.  It should
be done within three days.

If not agreeable to receive party for any
reason, a card may be sent or left.  No personal
visit need be made.

Page 80

INVALID’S calls.  A woman unable to call from sickness
       may have her calls made for her by her
       sister, or daughter, or some female relative.

Invitations.  Care should be exercised in inviting
       new acquaintances to breakfast, luncheon, or
       dinner, unless there are some particular
       reasons why they will be especially agreeable
       to those invited.

       All invitations should be sent by mail.

Verbal invitations should be avoided as much as possible, and if a verbal one is given, it should be followed immediately by one in writing.

  Accepting or declining.  Invitations to all
       entertainments, when answers are expected,
       should be acknowledged by a written letter
       of acceptance or regret.  The answer should
       be sent to the person or committee issuing the
       invitation.

Invitations to dinners, musicales, weddings, and breakfasts should be answered at once, and those to balls, dances, and receptions within one week.

Invitations to ordinary “At Homes,” teas, or weddings, which do not include invitations to the wedding breakfast or reception, need no acknowledgment.

The invitations sent to a family—­as, mother, or daughter, or several daughters—­ may be answered by one person for all.  But invitations sent to the men of the family should be answered by each man.

When it is found necessary to decline after accepting an invitation, a card should be sent the evening of the entertainment with an explanatory letter the day following.

  Balls.  Invitations to balls or assemblies should
       be answered immediately, and if declined the
       ticket should be returned.

  Dancing.  While a woman may accept or decline
       any invitation to dance, it is considered a
       discourteous act to refuse one man and to accept
       thereafter from another an invitation to
       the same dance.

  Weddings.  Such invitations should be answered
       at once, except when the invitation does not
       include an invitation to the wedding reception
       or breakfast, in which case no answer is
       needed.

  Addressing.  When invitations are sent to a
       husband and wife and daughter, only one envelope
       is needed, the daughter’s name appearing
       under her parents.  Separate envelopes
       should be addressed to two daughters—­as,
       Misses Wilson.

       Separate envelopes should be addressed to
       each son.

  Men.  If an invitation is sent to a man, he should
       answer it himself; but if sent to a man and
       wife, the latter may answer for both.

Page 81

  To call with chaperone’s permission.  If
       permission is asked, and if agreeable, a chaperone
       should invite a man to call upon her and
       her protege.

       Every effort should be made to call at the
       specified time.

  To call on women.  If a woman invites a man
       to call without specifying the time, it is
       equivalent to no invitation at all.

  To call on women through letters of
       introduction.  If a man having a letter
       of introduction sends the same by mail to a
       woman, it should be acknowledged by a written
       invitation to call.  If the person receiving
       the letter does not care to receive the party, a
       card is sent which ends the matter.

  R. S. V. P. The use of these letters—­standing
       for “Repondez, s’il vous plait” (Answer, if you
       please)—­is decreasing.  All invitations bearing
       these letters should be answered at once.

       These may be used on invitations to ceremonious
       receptions, breakfasts, luncheons,
       dinners, and to meet a prominent person.

  Wife.  When a husband and wife are invited to
       a dinner, and the former does not accept,
       the wife should also decline and give her
       reasons.  The hostess can then invite the
       wife only, who may accept.

  Women.  A young woman receiving an invitation
       to a man’s supper, tea, or dinner, may
       accept, if she has the consent of her mother
       or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone
       will be present.

  Women—­theatre.  Women receiving an invitation
       from a man for the theatre should have
       the consent of mother or chaperone, and when
       they accept, may, with propriety, request
       their escort not to provide a carriage unless
       full dress on their part is requested.

Afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas—­invitations. 
Afternoon teas (formal)—­invitations.

At homes. 
See at homes—­invitations.

Bachelors’ dinners. 
See bachelors’ dinners—­invitations.

Bachelors’ teas. 
See bachelors’ teas—­invitations.

Balls. 
See balls—­invitations.

Breakfasts. 
See breakfasts—­invitations.

Bride. 
See bride—­invitations.

CHRISTENINGS. 
See christenings—­invitations.

Cotillions. 
See Cotillions—­invitations. 
See Cotillions by subscriptions—­invitations.

Page 82

MUSICALES. 
See musicales—­invitations.

Pall-bearers. 
See pall-bearers—­invitations.

Parties. 
See parties—­invitations.

Telephone. 
See Telephone invitations.

Theatre. 
See theatre and opera parties
given by men—­invitations.

Verbal. 
See verbal invitations.

Ivory wedding.  This is the thirtieth wedding anniversary,
       and is not usually celebrated.  If,
       however, it is done, the invitations may bear
       the words:  No presents received, and in accepting
       or declining the invitation congratulations
       may be extended.  Any article of ivory is appropriate
       as a gift.  An entertainment is usually
       provided.

Jewelry—­men.  Jewelry, except the very plainest,
       should not be worn, and in general the less
       the better.  A display of diamonds and fancy
       jewelry betrays the poor taste of the wearer.

A man wearing the pins and badges of secret societies should see that they are small and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all matters of dress, quality rather than quantity is to be desired.

Jr.  When the son is named after the father, he
       adds Jr. to his name.  Upon the death of the
       father he omits it.  This abbreviation is
       sometimes added to a woman’s name on her
       card when her husband has the same name as
       his father, and it is necessary to distinguish
       between the cards of the daughter-in-law
       and the mother-in-law.

If the mother-in-law should become a widow and wish to retain the husband’s baptismal name, she should add Sr., while her daughter would erase Jr.

       If both become widows, and wish to
       retain their husband’s Christian names, the
       daughter-in-law should add Jr.

Justice of the United states Supreme court—­how
       addressed. An official letter begins:  Sir,
       and ends:  I have, sir, the honor to remain
       your most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Justice Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, most sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Mr. Justice
       John J. Wilson.

King of England—­how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Sir, may it please your Majesty, and
       ends:  I have the honor to remain your Majesty’s
       most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Sir, and ends: 
       I have the honor to remain your Majesty’s
       most obedient servant.

Page 83

       The address on the envelope is:  To His
       Most Gracious Majesty, King Edward.

Kiss, wedding.  The kiss in the wedding ceremony
       is being done away with, especially at church
       weddings.  Only the bride’s parents and her
       most intimate friends should kiss her, and
       for others to do so is no longer good form.

Knife and fork.  The knife is always held in the
       right hand, and is only used for cutting the
       food.  The fork is used not only in eating
       fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but
       also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads,
       oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin.

The knife should never be used to carry
food to the mouth.

         See also spoon.

Knight—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       Sir, and ends:  I have the honor to remain,
       sir, your obedient servant.

A social letter begins:  Dear Sir John Wilson,
and ends:  Believe me, dear Sir John,
faithfully yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To Sir
       John Wilson.

  Wife of.  See Wife of Knight.

Laundress—­tips.  Guests at the end of a house
       party do not tip the laundress unless she has
       done special work for them.

Leather wedding.  This is the twelfth anniversary
       of the wedding-day, and is not usually observed. 
       If, however, it is observed, the invitations
       may bear the words:  No presents
       received, and congratulations may be extended
       in its acceptance or declination.  Any
       article of leather would be an appropriate
       gift.  An entertainment usually follows.

LETTERS.

Addressing. 
See addressing and signing letters,
and also under title of person addressed
—­as, Governor, Mayor, etc.

Written after house parties.  If the visit
has been more than two days in length, a
guest should write to the hostess a short
letter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe
journey home.

Conclusion of.  See conclusion of A letter.

Of condolence.  See condolence, letters of.

  Of introduction.  See introduction, letters of.

Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded up with
       a fork, and then lifted to the mouth.  In the
       event of these being too large for this treatment,
       they should be broken into suitable
       pieces with the fork.

Page 84

License, marriage.  A license, when required by
       State law, should be obtained by the groom
       and handed to the officiating clergyman the
       day before the ceremony.  Usually a small fee
       is charged, and the details, when entered upon
       the clerk’s records, are open to public inspection. 
       The day need not be named, and until
       the marriage is solemnized the license has no
       binding effect.

Luncheons.  Usually only women are invited to
       these entertainments.  Oddities, such as pink,
       blue, and yellow luncheons, are not in good
       taste.  They should be as simple as possible.

       Informal luncheons are the same as informal
       breakfasts.  A more formal luncheon
       is proper when introducing a special guest.

       Small tables are used, and diagrams of their
       arrangement are placed in the dressing-room,
       designating the places of the guests.

  Calls.  Calls should be made a week after
       entertainment.

  Women.  Women dress in visiting toilettes and
       wear their bonnets, laying aside their wraps
       in the dressing-room.  Gloves should be removed
       at table.

       After coffee, the guests should take their
       leave, making some gracious remark to the
       hostess.

       Calls should be made a week after the
       entertainment.

  Given by bachelors.  See Bachelors’ Luncheons.

  Guests.  Only women, as a rule, attend luncheons. 
       For further details, see luncheons—­women.

  Hostess.  Introductions take place in the parlor. 
       At the appointed hour the hostess leads the
       way to the drawing-room, followed by the
       guests.

The hostess and principal guest should sit at one of the centre-tables.  Between the courses the hostess and two of the women seated with her rise and change seats with others.  This may be done by others also if they desire.  They take their napkins with them.

  Hours.  The hour is from 1 to 2 P.M.

  Introductions.  Introductions take place in the
       parlor.

  Invitations.  Cards are engraved, and sent two
       weeks in advance.

  Men—­leaving cards.  If men are invited, they
       should, after a luncheon, leave a card for host
       and hostess, whether the invitation was accepted
       or not; or it may be sent by mail or
       messenger, with an apology for so doing.

Maids—­tips.  It is customary for guests leaving
       after a visit at a private house to remember
       the maid who has taken care of the room
       by giving her a reasonable tip.  A woman
       should give more for extra attention.

Page 85

Maid of honor.  This important person is selected
       by the bride, and acts for her in all details,
       being virtually mistress of ceremonies and filling
       a position requiring administrative ability
       and tact.  She acts in the same capacity as
       the best man does for the groom.

       She is invited, of course, to the dinner
       given by the bride to the bridesmaids.

       She fulfils whatever duties the bride has
       been unable, from press of time, to attend to
       —­as, making calls, etc.

  Church.  She goes to the church with one of
       the parents of the bride, and meets the bride
       and the bridesmaids in the vestibule.  In the
       procession she follows behind the bridesmaids,
       and precedes the flower girl, if there
       is one—­otherwise the bride.  On their arrival
       at the altar she takes her place by the side of
       the bride, and is ready at the plighting of the
       troth to take the bride’s glove and bouquet,
       and returns them to her at the end of the
       ceremony.

After the congratulations of the clergyman, she parts the bridal veil, arranges the bride’s train, and follows the bride down the aisle to the vestibule.

       Here, after giving her best wishes to the
       bride, she takes her carriage to the bride’s
       house to take part in the reception or breakfast.

  Day of wedding.  She should be at the house
       of the bride on the morning of the wedding-day
       to assist the bride’s mother, to see that
       the trousseau is all ready and packed, that
       the bridesmaids are on time, and to attend
       to the many details liable to arise.

  Dress.  Her dress should be some delicate color
       other than white, so as not to detract from
       the bride, and should be subdued in comparison. 
       It may be, and usually is, more
       elegant in quality than that of the bridesmaids.

  Wedding breakfast. The best man escorts the
       maid of honor, and they are usually seated
       at the bridal table.

  Wedding reception.  She stands next the
       bride to receive with her, and also retires
       with her to assist the latter in exchanging
       her wedding dress for the traveling-dress.

It is her privilege to cast a slipper at the carriage which takes away the married couple, and her duty to prepare packages of rice, which are given to the guests to be thrown after the married couple as they leave the house.

Mail, invitations sent by.  All invitations should be
       sent by mail and verbal ones avoided.

Mail or messenger, sending cards by. 
         See cards, visiting—­sending by mail or messenger.

Page 86

Man servants—­tips.  It is customary for a man,
       at the end of a house party, to give to the
       man servant who has acted as his valet a
       suitable tip.

Marchioness-how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have the honor
       to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Most Noble the Marchioness of Kent.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Kent,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
       sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Marchioness of Kent.

Marchioness, dowager—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Madam, and ends:  I have
       the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most
       obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lady Kent,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
       sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope in both cases
       is:  To the Dowager Marchioness of Kent, or
       To Mary, Marchioness of Kent.

Marquis—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       My Lord Marquis, and ends:  I have the
       honor to be your Lordship’s obedient servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Most Noble the Marquis of Kent.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Lord Kent
       and ends:  Believe me, Lord Kent, very sincerely
       yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Marquis of Kent.

MARQUIS.

  Daughter of.  See daughter of Marquis.

  Wife of younger son of.  See wife of
       younger son of Marquis.

  Younger son of.  See son (younger) of Marquis.

Marking wedding presents.  While it is not strictly
       necessary that wedding presents be marked,
       yet it is customary, and they should always
       be marked with the bride’s maiden name, unless
       specially intended for the groom’s individual
       use.

MATINEES.  Proper music should be provided.

The refreshment-room should be within easy reach.  Light dainties should be served occasionally to those not caring to go to the refreshment-room.

  Dress.  If after six o’clock, evening dress should
       be worn; otherwise, afternoon dress.

  Host. The head of the house need not be present.

  Hostess.  The hostess and those assisting her
       should not dance, unless all her guests are
       provided with partners or are otherwise
       entertained.

Page 87

Invitations.  These may be written or engraved,
with Dancing and the hour for beginning in
the lower left-hand corner.  They should be
sent two weeks in advance, and should be
promptly answered.

Men.  Gloves should be worn when dancing. 
See also balls.  Cotillions.  Dances.  Dancing.

Mayor of A city—­how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Sir, or Your Honor, and ends:  I
       have the honor, sir, to remain your obedient
       servant.

A social letter begins:  My dear Mayor
Wilson, or, Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: 
Believe me, most sincerely yours.

      The address on the envelope is:  His Honor,
      the Mayor of Kent, John J. Wilson.

MEN.

  Addressing envelopes.  See addressing
       envelopes—­men.

  Afternoon dress.  See afternoon dress—­men.

  Afternoon teas.  See afternoon teas—­men.

  Bachelors’ dinners.  See bachelors’ dinners—­men.

  Bachelors’ teas.  See bachelors’ teas—­men.

  Balls.  See balls—­men.

  Bicycling.  See bicycling—­men.

  Bowing.  See bowing—­men.

  Breakfasts.  See breakfasts—­men.

  Calls.  See calls—­men.

  Cards.  See cards, visiting—­men.

  Chaperones.  See chaperones—­men.

  CHRISTENINGS.  See christenings—­men.

  Conclusion of letters.  See conclusion of A letter—­men.

  Cotillions by subscriptions.  See Cotillions by subscriptions—­men.

  Dances.  See dances—­men.

  Dancing.  See dancing—­men.

  Debutante.  See debutante—­men.

  Dinners.  See dinners—­men.

  Driving.  See driving—­men.

  Dress.  See dress—­men.

  Engagement.  See engagement—­men.

  Evening dress.  See evening dress—­men.

  Flowers.  See flowers—­men.

  Funerals.  See funerals—­men.

  Garden parties.  See garden parties—­men.

  Gloves.  See gloves—­men.

  High tea.  See high tea—­men.

  House parties.  See house parties—­men.

Page 88

  Introductions.  See introductions—­men.

  Invitations.  See invitations—­men.

  Jewelry.  See jewelry—­men.

  Luncheons.  See luncheons—­men.

  Morning dress.  See morning dress—­men.

  Mourning.  See mourning—­men.

  Newcomer, residents’ duty to.  See newcomer,
          residents’ duty to men. 
  Riding.  See riding—­men.

  Salutations.  See salutations—­men.

  Shaking hands.  See shaking hands—­men.

  Stationery.  See stationery—­men.

  Street-cars.  See street-cars—­men.

  Street etiquette.  See street etiquette—­men.

  Theatre parties.  See theatre parties—­men.

Titles.  See titles—­men.

Traveling.  See traveling—­men.

Weddings.  See weddings—­men.

Messenger, sending cards by.  See cards, visiting—­
         sending by mail or messenger.

Minister (protestant)-how addressed, An official
       letter begins:  Reverend Dear Sir, and ends: 
       I remain sincerely yours.

A social letter begins:  Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:  I beg to remain sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is:  The Reverend John J. Wilson. but if the clergyman holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the address may be:  The Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.

Minister.  See clergyman.

Miss.  This is the prefix both in conversation,
       correspondence, and on the visiting-card of the
       eldest daughter, the next daughter being
       known as Miss Annie Smith; but on the
       death or marriage of the eldest daughter, she
       becomes Miss Smith.

Monograms. If men and women wish, these may
       be stamped in the latest colors on their
       stationery.  When the address is stamped, it
       is not customary to stamp the monogram.

       The latest fashion in the style of monograms
       require that they should be the size of
       a ten-cent piece.

       All individual eccentricities of facsimiles
       of handwriting, etc., should be avoided.

       It is not customary to have the monogram
       on the flap of the envelope.

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       If sealing-wax is used, it should be of some
       dull color.

Morning dress. 
  Men.  Morning costume consists of a dark frock
       coat, with vest and light trousers.  This can
       be worn at any entertainment occurring in
       the daytime—­as, weddings, luncheons, receptions
       of all kinds, matinees, or ceremonious visits.

Anything worn is admissible in morning dress, a business suit, cutaway, sack suit, hats or caps, and undressed kid gloves of a dark color.

At out-of-town resorts, golf, wheeling, and
yachting costumes suitable for outdoor sport
may be worn in the morning.

It is considered the correct thing for a man
to tie his own tie instead of buying them
ready made.

See also afternoon dress—­men.  Evening
dress—­men.

Mother.  A mother should receive an invitation for
       any function to which her daughters are
       invited, and should go and return with them.

Debuts.  The mother and the elder unmarried
daughter, prior to the debut, calls formally
upon those who are to be invited.  She
stands at her daughter’s side to receive the
congratulations of the guests, and at a dance
she selects the first partner to dance with the
debutante, and at the dinner or supper is
escorted by the most distinguished man. 
See also chaperone.

Mother of bride.  At the wedding reception she is
       escorted by the father of the groom, and
       receives with the married couple.

At the wedding breakfast she is escorted
by the father of the groom.

Mother of groom.  At the wedding reception she
       receives with the married couple.

       At the wedding breakfast she is taken in
       by the father of the bride, following after
       the ushers and the maids of honor.

Mourning.  Those in mourning for parent, child,
       brother, or husband should not be seen at
       any public function or private entertainment
       before six months have passed.

  Cards.  These are the same size as visiting-cards. 
       A black border is used, the width to be
       regulated by the relationship to the deceased
       relative.

       They should be sent to indicate temporary
       retirement from and re-entrance into society.

Within a month after death in a family friends should leave cards.  The persons receiving the same should acknowledge the remembrance and sympathy when they are ready to resume their social functions.  This may be done by letter or card.

  Men.  Mourning cards are the same size as
       visiting-cards, and a black border is used, the
       width to be regulated by the relationship of
       deceased relative.

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  Women.  Mourning cards should be sent, to
       indicate temporary retirement from society. 
       Later cards should be sent, to indicate return
       to society.

  Children.  Children under twelve need not be
       dressed in mourning, though they often are. 
       Only the lightest material should be used. 
       Girls of more advanced age do not wear veils,
       but crape may be worn in hat or dress,
       according to taste.

       For parent, brother, or sister, mourning is
       worn for about one year.

  Men.  Men wear mourning one year for loss of
       wife.

A crape band should be worn around the hat, its width being determined by the nearness of the relative mourned for.  It is usually removed after eight months.

A widower wears mourning for one year, or, if he wishes, eighteen months, and for a brother, sister, parent, or a child, from six months to a year, as he desires.  For the loss of other relatives, duration of mourning is generally regulated by the members of the family.

The wearing of a black band on the coat sleeve in token of half-mourning is an English custom, and is somewhat practised in this country.

  Stationery-men.  A widower uses a black
       border about one-third of an inch on his
       stationery, and this at intervals is diminished.

       All stamping should be done in black.

  Women.  A widow’s stationery should be heavily
       bordered, and is continued as long as she
       is in deep mourning.  This is gradually
       decreased, in accordance with her change of
       mourning.

       All embossing or stamping should be done
       in black.

  Weddings.  Mourning should never be worn at
       a wedding, but it should be laid aside
       temporarily, the wearer appearing in purple.

  Widows.  A widow should wear crape with a
       bonnet having a small border of white.  The
       veil should be long, and worn over the face
       for three months, after which a shorter veil
       may be worn for a year, and then the face
       may be exposed.  After six months white
       and lilac may be used, and colors resumed
       after two years.

  Women.  The mourning dress of a woman for
       parent, sister, brother, or child is the same
       as that worn by a widow, save the white
       bonnet ruche—­the unmistakable mark of a
       widow.

For parents and children, deepest mourning is worn at least one year, and then the change is gradually made by the addition of lighter material or half-mourning.

For other members of the family—­as, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.—­black clothes should be worn, but not heavy mourning.

       Complimentary mourning is worn for three
       months; this does not necessitate crape and
       veil, but any black material can be used.

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  Women, for children.  For a child, mourning
       is usually worn for six months, thereafter
       substituting black and white.

  For brother and sister, etc.  Mourning for
       a brother or sister, step-parents, or grandparents
       is the same as for parents, but the
       time is shorter, generally about six months. 
       For an aunt, uncle, or cousin the time is
       three months.

  For fiance.  In the event of the death of a
       woman’s betrothed shortly before the date of
       the wedding, she may wear black for a short
       period or full mourning for a year.

  For husbands.  Mourning cards are sent out, to
       indicate that they are not making or receiving
       calls.

Mourning is generally worn for two years, and sometimes much longer.  Woolen material of the deepest black and crape should be worn during the first year.

When out-of-doors a crape veil should be worn for a year, or at least three months, covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil may be thrown over the shoulder, and a small one of tulle, or other suitable material, edged with crape, worn over the face.

       A crape bonnet should be worn, and a very
       small white ruche may be added if desired.

After the first year a gradual change to lighter mourning may be made by discarding the widow’s cap and shortening the veil.  Dull silks are used in place of crape, according to taste.  In warm weather lighter materials can be worn—­as, pique, nun’s veiling, or white lawn.

Black furs and sealskin may be worn.  Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls, may be used if mounted in black enamel.  Gold jewelry should not be used.  A woman should avoid all pretensions to excessive styles.

  For husband’s relatives.  A married woman
       wears mourning for her husband’s immediate
       relatives.

For parents and grandchildren.  Mourning
for these persons is generally worn for one
year.  During the first six months, black
material trimmed with crape is used, and also
a deep veil, which is thrown over the back of
the head and not worn over the face, as for a
husband.  After this period the mourning
may be lightened, according to taste.

         See also death in the family.  Funerals.

Mr. And Mrs. Cards ( visiting).  These cards are not
       generally used for ceremonious calls after the
       first series of return calls made by the
       bride.

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If the husband is unable, the first year after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is accepted as a call from him.  But after one year she should leave their separate cards.

These are used on formal occasions-as, returning a first call, condolence, congratulations, or P. P. C.—­when both the husband and wife are represented.

When they are used the first year after marriage, they should have the address in right-hand corner and reception days in lower left-hand corner.

       The card should read: 
       Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson

MUSIC.

  Weddings.  The organist and the music are
       usually selected by the bride.  Before her
       arrival, the organist plays some bright
       selection; but on her entering the church and
       passing up the aisle, he plays the wedding
       march.

  Afternoon teas (formal).  Music is always
       appropriate on these occasions.

MUSICALES.

  Dress.  The rule would be that at an afternoon
       affair afternoon dress would be worn, and
       evening dress at an evening affair.

  Hours.  For an afternoon musicale, the hours
       are usually from four to six.  For an
       elaborate evening drawing-room concert, any hour
       may be selected.

  Invitations.  These are sent out two weeks
       before the event.  If entertainment is in the
       evening, they should be issued by husband
       and wife.  If given in honor of a prominent
       person at any hour whatever, the cards
       should be engraved, and in either case the
       word Music should appear in the lower left-
       hand corner.

       These should be acknowledged at once by
       a letter of acceptance or regret.

Napkins, when in use, are laid on the lap, and, when
       finished with, are not folded up unless one is a
       guest for a few days; on all other occasions
       they are left unfolded.  A good plan is to
       follow the example of the hostess.

When fruit is brought on, a small fruit napkin is placed across the knee or held in the right hand, with which to hold the fruit, and when it is no longer needed, it should be laid beside the plate.

Navy, Secretary of—­how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have, sir, the
       honor to remain your most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain
       most sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
       J. Wilson, Secretary of the Navy.

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NEW ACQUAINTANCES.

  Women.  New acquaintances should not be invited
       to entertainments unless agreeable to
       all concerned.

       An entertainment can be given to meet
       new acquaintances if there be some special
       reason for so doing.

       Elderly persons and professional people can
       send their cards to younger persons if they
       wish to continue acquaintance.

NEWCOMERS.

  Ball invitations.  It is allowable for a new-
       comer wishing to give a ball to borrow the
       visiting list of some friend; but she should
       enclose in each invitation a calling card of this
       friend, so that the invited ones may know
       that the friend is acting as a sponsor.

  Duty of.  No effort should be made to obtain
       recognition of older residents.

Visits from neighbors should be returned within a week.  If from any reason a newcomer is unable to call, a note stating the reason should be sent.

If visit of neighbor’s male relative is desired, a woman may send him a written or verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired, no notice is taken of his card, in the event of one having been left.

  Residents’ duty to men.  When calling, kinswoman
       leaves cards of all the male members
       of family who are in society.  If these cards
       left by kinswoman are not followed by an
       invitation to call, it is presumed that the
       acquaintance is not desired.  Men can not
       call upon women of the family of new resident,
       unless invited to do so by either verbal
       or written message.

  Residents’ duty to women.  The newcomer
       receives the first call from the older resident,
       which should be made within a reasonable
       time.  Women making the first call, leave
       their own card and those of the male members
       of the family.

       It is unnecessary to be introduced in the
       absence of letters of introduction.  Visits
       should be of short duration.

Olives are eaten with the fingers.

Opera.  See theatre.

Oranges, served in divided sections, sweetened, and
       the seeds removed, should be eaten with the
       fork.  If served whole, cut into suitable
       portions.  Remove seed and skin.

Organist at weddings.  The organist is selected by
       the bride, but the fee is paid by the groom.

Overcoat—­men calling on women.  When making a
       formal or brief call, the overcoat should be
       left in the hall.

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P. P. C. Cards (visiting).  These letters—­standing
       for Pour prendre conge (To take leave)—­are
       written in the lower left-hand corner of the
       visiting-card.  These cards are used as a
       formal farewell to such friends and
       acquaintances whose friendship it is desired to
       continue.

They may be left in person, or sent upon departure from city or winter or summer resort.  They are rarely used in brief visits, and should only be used at the close of a season.

       Care should be exercised in sending them,
       as an oversight in so doing may cause the
       loss of good friends.

Pages at weddings.  At the wedding, if pages are
       present, they are usually dressed in satin
       court costumes, and carry the bride’s train.

Pall-bearers.  It is not good taste to ask relatives to
       be pall-bearers.  The usual number is six to
       eight elderly men for elderly person, and of
       young men for a young man.  Six young
       women in white would be a suitable number
       to act as pall-bearers for a young woman.

       Pall-bearers should be asked either by note
       or by a representative of the head of the
       family of the deceased.

The pall-bearers assemble at the house at the appointed hour, and there take the carriages reserved for them.  They disperse after the church service.

       Except in the case of young women, carriages
       are not sent to bring pall-bearers to
       the house.

  Calls.  After accepting an invitation to act as a
       pall-bearer, a man should call at the house of
       the bereaved and leave his card.

A few days after the funeral he should call again and leave his card.  If he wishes, he may simply ask at the door after the women of the family.

  Dress.  The pall-bearers wear black frock coat,
       trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with
       a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid
       gloves.  The linen should be white

  Flowers.  Unless there has been a request not
       to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after
       his first call.

If he wishes, a few days after the funeral he may send flowers to the women of the family with his card, on which should be written:  With the compliments of -----.

  Invitations.  The invitation should be promptly
       accepted or declined, and if accepted only
       illness or unavoidable absence from the city
       would excuse a man from attending.

Page 95

Paper wedding.  The first wedding anniversary is
       called the paper wedding, and is not usually
       celebrated.  If, however, it is celebrated,
       the invitations may bear the words:  No
       presents received.  Congratulations should be
       extended in accepting or declining the
       invitations.  Any article of paper would be an
       appropriate gift.  An entertainment should
       follow.

Parties.  These are less formal than balls.

They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty, with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven.  The supper precedes the dancing.  Those who do not take part in the dancing may leave before it begins.

  Invitations.  These are engraved, giving hour
       for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and
       should be sent two weeks in advance.  One
       envelope only need be used.  They should
       be answered promptly.

PATRONESSES.  It is customary for the management
       of any institution giving a public ball to
       formally invite six, eight, or more married
       women to act as patronesses, and for their
       names to appear on the invitations.  If
       badges are worn, each patroness is sent one
       or given one at the ball-room.

The patronesses, after being welcomed at
the ball by the management committees, take
their places, ready to receive the guests.

The Committee of Arrangements should look after the patronesses, introduce distinguished guests to them, escort them to supper and finally to their carriages.

See also Cotillions by subscriptions—­
patronesses.  Dances.

Peaches should be quartered and the quarters peeled,
       then taken up by the fingers and eaten.

Peas are eaten with a fork.

Plums and Grapes should be eaten one by one, and
       the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the
       half-closed hand and then transferred to the
       plate.

Postal cards.  It is wise to restrict the use of
       postals to impersonal communications; but if
       they must be used, the message should be
       brief with an apology for its use.  It is a
       good plan in addition to omit the usual My
       dear, and to sign with the initials only and
       the full surname.

Postponing dinners See canceling dinners.

Postponing weddings.  See weddings—­invitations
         recalled.

PRECEDENCE.

Dinners.  See dinners—­precedence.

Funerals.  See funerals—­precedence.

Theatre.  See theatre—­precedence.

Page 96

Presents.  See gifts.

President—­how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have the honor to
       remain your most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Mr.
       President, and ends:  I have the honor to remain
       most sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  President
       John Wilson.

Prince, Royal—­how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Sir, may it please your Royal
       Highness, and ends:  I have the honor to remain,
       sir, your Royal Highness’ humble servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Sir, and
       ends:  Your Royal Highness’ most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To His
       Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales.

Princess, ’Royal-how addressed. An official letter
       begins:  Madam, may it please your Royal
       Highness, and ends:  Your Royal Highness’
       most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Madam, and
       ends:  Your Royal Highness’ most obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To Her
       Royal Highness, the Princess of Wales.

Private weddings.  These are attended only by
       intimate friends and members of the
       family, and vary but little from home weddings.

If the family is in mourning the cards are issued with the name of bride and groom and new address, together with card having bride’s maiden name, and the announcement cards are sent after the ceremony.

       Afternoon dress should be worn at an afternoon
       wedding, and evening dress at an evening
       wedding.

Proposals of marriage.  The time, manner, and details
       of proposals of marriage are appropriately
       left to the good taste and judgment
       of the groom.  If the proposal is rejected,
       good taste, womanly refinement, and courteous
       consideration demand that it be kept
       an inviolate secret, and any such breach of
       confidence may be rightly deemed the act of
       a woman without taste or tact, and unworthy
       of respect.

       Proposals by women, while permissible,
       are not customary.

Public balls, By public balls are meant county and
       charity balls, and balls given by social institutions
       where dancing is the main feature. 
       These public balls differ from private ones in
       that all the duties of the hostess fall upon
       some committees.

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These committees would follow the same rules as laid down for a hostess—­issuing engraved invitations from fourteen to seventeen days in advance, engaging a caterer, etc.

The etiquette for a public ball is the same as for a private one, save that guests arrive and depart when they please without taking leave of those who receive, and men wishing introductions apply for them to the Floor or Reception Committee.

At the cloak-rooms a small fee is paid to
the attendant.

         Seealso all entries under Balls.

Badges.  It is customary for the men and women
on the committees to wear on the left side of
the breast ornamental and embroidered
badges, with the official position designated
on it.

Committee.  The committee at a public ball
takes the place of the hostess, filling all her
duties and offices.

  PATRONESSES.  It is customary for the management
       formally to invite six, eight, or more
       married women to act as patronesses of the
       ball, and for their names to appear on the
       invitations.  If badges are prepared for the
       patronesses, one is sent to each patroness or
       handed to her on the evening of the dance.

       The patronesses should be welcomed at
       the ball by the management, and they then
       take their position ready to receive the guests.

The management should look after the patronesses, to see that they are taken into supper, to introduce prominent guests to them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to their carriages.

PUBLIC PLACES.  SEE ALSO ELEVATORS.  RESTAURANTS, STREET-CARS.  STREET ETIQUETTE.

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters-standing
       for Repondez, s’il vous plait (Answer, if you
       please)-is decreasing.  All invitations to
       which acceptances are expected should be
       answered at once.  If preferred, however,
       the above abbreviations may be used on the
       following:  invitations to ceremonious receptions,
       breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to
       meet a prominent person.

Railroad-men.  A man should remove his hat in a
       parlor-car, but not in a day coach.

Recalling wedding invitations.  When from some
       good reason a wedding has to be canceled or
       postponed, the parents of the bride should
       send, as soon as possible, printed notices, giving
       reasons to all the guests.

Receptions.  Reception days are placed in the lower
       left-hand corner of visiting-cards-as, until
       Lent, or, In January-and may be either
       engraved or written.

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Daughters have no reception day of their
own, but receive on their mother’s reception
day.

The etiquette at receptions is the same as
at afternoon teas.

         Seealso afternoon teas.  At homes.

Hours.  Afternoon receptions are held from 4 to
7 P.M.

Evening receptions are held from 9 to
11 P.M.

Invitations, accepting or declining.  These
should be acknowledged within a week, either
by a letter accepting, or declining with regret.

  Introductions.  The man should seek an introduction
       to any woman he wants to meet.

       The hostess makes what introductions she
       deems proper.

  Dress.  For an afternoon reception guests should
       wear afternoon dress, and for an evening reception
       evening dress.

Afternoon, given by bachelors.  See bachelors’ teas.

Evening.  The etiquette is the same as for an
afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards
are left by the guests, and that the guests
should wear evening dress.

         See also afternoon teas (formal).

Wedding.  See wedding receptions.

REFRESHMENTS.

Wedding receptions.  The refreshments are
placed on tables, and the guests help themselves
or are helped by the bridesmaids. 
The groom and bride are waited upon by the
guests.

Register, signing of.  This is sometimes done by
       the bride and the groom.  This takes place
       in the vestry, and the best man signs as chief
       witness and some of the guests as witnesses.

Rehearsals, wedding.  Rehearsals should be held
       even for a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently
       early date to insure the presence of
       all who are to participate.

Reporters at weddings.  If such is the wish of the
       family of the bride, the best man attends to
       the reporters, and furnishes them with the
       names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
       of gowns, and other suitable details.

Residence, change of—­women.  After a change of
       residence, the cards of the entire family should
       be sent out as soon as possible.

Restaurants.  If at a table, and a woman bows, the
       man should rise and bow in return.  If a
       man is one of a party sitting at a table, and a
       woman with her escort stops to pass greetings,
       he should rise and stand until they depart.

       One man introduced to another who is surrounded
       by male friends should rise to acknowledge
       the honor of the introduction.

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When a man is with a woman he should exercise great care in recognizing male acquaintances who may be in doubtful company.  He should avoid being in such company himself when in such places.

       Smoking in restaurants is a general custom. 
       The rules of the house govern this.

All fees to the waiters should be paid by the one who pays the bills.  If a woman is paying her own bill when with a man, it is in order for her to fee the waiter.

Ribbons at church weddings.  One way of
       distinguishing the pews reserved for the family,
       relatives, and dearest friends of both families
       is the placing of white ribbons at the dividing
       pews.  Before the arrival of the bride,
       the ushers, in pairs, at the same time, untie
       these ribbons, and stretch them along the
       outside of these pews, and thus enclose the
       guests and bar further intrusion.

       If these ribbons are used, it is a good
       plan to enclose in the wedding invitation a
       card giving number of pew.

       The advantage of not using ribbons is the
       avoidance of any possible discrimination.

Rice at weddings.  The throwing of rice is to be discouraged; but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.

RIDING.

  Men.  When riding with a woman, a man should
       always assist her both to mount and to
       alight, even if a groom is present.

It is customary for the woman to set the pace, and for the man, who always rides on her right, to accommodate himself to her—­ trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as she may do.

He should always be ready to open all gates for her, and to do all things that will make the riding pleasant for her.  If at a fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleasure that she may enjoy herself.

  Dress.  There is a perfectly well-accepted
       dress for men who ride in the park, though
       it is open to elderly men to wear clothes less
       pronounced.

The correct dress is full riding-breeches, close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high-buttoned waistcoat, and a coat with the conventional short cutaway tails.  The hat is an alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation stock.  These, with riding-gloves and a riding-crop, constitute the regular riding-dress for a young man.

       A man should always consult his tailor,
       that the dress in all its details may be strictly
       up to date.

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  Women—­dress.  There is a well-prescribed
       riding-dress for women as for men.  The
       habit of dark material, with skirt falling just
       over the feet when in the saddle, and the
       close-fitting waist, with long or short tails,
       together with the white collar and black or
       white tie, constitute the regulation dress. 
       The derby hat is smaller than formerly. 
       Gloves of a dark color and a crop with a
       bone handle are always in place.  Any
       jewelry, save that which is absolutely necessary,
       should be shunned.

       In summer it is permissible to modify this
       costume.

       As in the case of a man, a woman should
       consult a tailor of good practical experience,
       that her costume may be in the correct style.

Ring, engagement.  See engagement ring.

Ring, wedding.  See wedding ring.

Rising from the table.  The signal to leave the
       table is always given by the women, and the
       men rise to let the women pass.  At a formal
       dinner the signal is given by the hostess.

Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife.

Salted nuts are eaten with the fingers.

Seat of honor is at the right of the host.

Second helping.  At formal dinner parties, luncheons,
       and breakfasts, second helpings are
       never offered by the host or hostess, and
       should not be asked for by the guests.  This
       is only permissible at a small dinner party
       or at the daily family meal.

Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water, for which the guest asks, or for wine.  It is the duty of the waiter to see that the guest is constantly supplied.

Second marriages.  See widows—­weddings.

Secretary of agriculture.  See agriculture, Secretary of.

Secretary of Commerce.  See Commerce, Secretary of.

SECRETARY OF INTERIOR.  SEE INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF.

SECRETARY OF NAVY.  SEE NAVY, SECRETARY OF.

Secretary of state.  See state, Secretary of.

Secretary of treasury.  See treasury, Secretary of.

SECRETARY OF WAR.  SEE WAR, SECRETARY OF.

Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the
       aid of a fork, or dropped into the half-closed
       hand.

Senator—­how addressed. An official letter begins: 
       Sir, and ends:  I have, sir, the honor to
       remain your most obedient servant.

Page 101

       A social letter begins:  My dear Senator
       Wilson, and ends:  Believe me, most sincerely
       yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Senator
       John J. Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J.
       Wilson.

Servants-Tipping.  It is customary for guests leaving
       a house after a visit to tip the servants,
       unless positively requested by the hostess not
       to do so.  The average tip would be one
       dollar, with more for extra attention.

SHAKING HANDS.

  Dances.  It is not customary to shake hands at
       formal dances.

  Host and hostess.  The host and the hostess
       should shake hands with each guest as they
       arrive.

If guest takes leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands.  If they are surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.

  Men.  At a wedding, the opera, or a dance, and
       all very formal occasions, gloves should not
       be removed when shaking hands.

If the hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her.  He should give a slight pressure only.

A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves.  A sudden meeting, etc., may make a handshaking in gloves unavoidable.  Unless the other party is gloved, a man should apologize.

       When men are introduced to men, they
       always shake hands.  It is bad form to crush
       the hand when shaking it.

       When introduced to a woman, men should
       bow, but not offer to shake hands.

  Calls.  If the woman is seated when a man enters
       the room, she rises to greet him, and, if
       she wishes, shakes hands.  She has the
       option to shake hands or not, and should
       make the first advances.  It is bad form for
       him to do so.

  Women.  Upon introduction, a woman may
       shake hands with either men or women, but
       a slight inclination of the body, a pleasant
       smile, and an appropriate remark are more
       correct.

       A young girl, upon being introduced to an
       older woman, should await the action of the
       elder, who will shake hands if kindly disposed.

       If one person extends the hand, it should
       be accepted without the slightest hesitation,
       to avoid embarrassment.

Signing letters.  See addressing and signing letters.

Page 102

Silk weddings.  This is the name of the forty-fifth
       wedding anniversary, and is now seldom observed. 
       If it is, any article of silk would be
       appropriate as a gift, and congratulations
       may be extended in accepting or declining
       the invitations.  The invitations may have
       the words:  No presents received.  An entertainment
       usually follows.

Silver weddings.  After twenty-five years of married
       life, the silver wedding may be celebrated. 
       On the invitations sent out may be
       engraved the words:  No presents received.

Congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation.  Any article of silver is appropriate as a gift.  An entertainment follows.

At a silver wedding the invitations may be appropriately engraved in a silver-gray color, and the decorations are usually of the same color.

Slippers-throwing at weddings.  The throwing of
       slippers after the bridal couple on their leaving
       the house for their wedding trip is in
       poor taste.

Smoking.  At a dinner when the women rise, the
       men also rise and remain standing until the
       former leave the room, when cigars and coffee
       are served.  Sometimes the men accompany
       the women to the drawing-room, bow, and
       then return to the dining-room for the coffee
       and cigars, where they remain about half an
       hour.

Smoking in restaurants is a general custom, but the rules of the house govern it.  Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should be limited to them.

       There should be no smoking at afternoon
       entertainments, unless the men are requested
       to do so by the host and hostess.

At balls a room for smoking is generally provided.  Smoking is not in good taste if a man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco clings to the clothing.  There should be no smoking in the dressing-rooms.

Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming more common.  It is poor taste, however, on a fashionable street.  At best, any smoking in the street is bad form.

Expectorating on the pavement is a most reprehensible habit.  If it must be done, a man should step to the curb and expectorate in the street.

  Dances.  Smoking should not be allowed in the
       dressing-room, but a special room should be
       provided.  Men who dance should not smoke
       until leaving the house.

  In presence of women.  Smoking in the
       street while walking with a woman should
       never be indulged in, although she seemingly
       is agreeable to it.  If a man is smoking, and
       he stops to speak to a woman, he should
       throw away his cigar or cigarette.

Page 103

A man should not smoke in the presence of women unless bidden by them to do so.  Few women care to say that it is disagreeable when asked, hence the better course is to await permission.

  Women.  If a woman has true regard for herself,
       she should not indulge in smoking; if she
       does, it should be in absolute privacy.

SON.

  Balls.  A son should do all in his power to
       make the ball a success by finding partners
       for the women having none, seeing that the
       men are introduced to the women, and taking
       in to supper a woman without an escort.

  Cards.  When a mother is calling, she can leave
       cards of her son for the host and hostess if it
       is impossible for him to do so himself.

       A son entering society can have his cards
       left by his mother for a host and hostess. 
       Invitations to entertainments will follow.

Son (younger) of Duke-how addressed. An official
       letter begins:  My Lord, and ends:  I have
       the honor to remain your Lordship’s obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Lord John
       J. Kent, and ends:  Believe me, my dear Lord
       John, faithfully yours.

       The address is:  To the Lord John J. Kent.

Son (younger) of Earl-how addressed, An official
       letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have the
       honor to remain your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
       yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Honorable John Wilson.

Son (younger) of Marquis—­how addressed. An
       official letter begins:  My Lord, and ends:  I
       have the honor to remain your Lordship’s obedient
       servant.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Lord John
       J. Kent, and ends:  Believe me, my dear Lord
       Kent, faithfully yours.

       The address is:  To the Lord John J. Kent,

Son (younger) of viscount-how addressed. An
       official letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have
       the honor to remain your obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  Dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
       yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  To the
       Honorable John Wilson.

Page 104

Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon
       without noise and without the plate being
       tipped.  Men with mustaches are privileged
       in this respect, and may take the soup from
       the end of the spoon.

SOUVENIRS.

  Bridesmaids.  These are given by the bride to
       her bridesmaids a few days before the wedding,
       and take the form of fans or jewelry of
       some kind that may be worn at the wedding.

       A good time to present them is when the
       bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to
       her bridesmaids.

       Failing this, they may be sent a few days
       before the wedding.

       The souvenirs should, of course, be all the
       same in value and in style.

  Ushers.  The souvenirs given by the groom to
       the ushers usually take the form of scarf-pins
       or cuff-buttons.  Sometimes the groom
       also gives the ushers neckties and gloves.

       A good time for their distribution is at the
       farewell bachelor dinner.

Sponsors.  Only relatives and near friends should
       be asked to act as sponsors at a christening. 
       Two women and one man are asked as sponsors
       for a girl, and one woman and two men
       for a boy, though one man and one woman
       are sufficient in either case.

       These may be invited by note or personal
       call to act as sponsors, and should answer by
       note or personal call.

A few days before the ceremony the sponsor should send a christening gift addressed to the child, and the giver’s card, with a suitable sentiment written on it, should be sent with the gift.

       A man may give some article of silver, and,
       if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money
       deposited in the child’s name.

       A woman may present the child with a
       garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar
       article.

It is in good taste for the sponsors to call immediately on the parents, to send flowers to the mother, and to show that they are pleased with the compliment.

The godfather at the ceremony assents to the vows, and later, at the drinking of the wine, should propose both the health of the child and that of its mother.

Spoon.  The spoon should never be in the cup while
       drinking, but should be left in the saucer. 
       It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads,
       small and large fruit (when served with
       cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves,
       and boiled eggs.

Sr, The letters Sr. (abbreviation for Senior) are
       sometimes added to a woman’s name on her
       card when her son has the same name as
       his father, and it is necessary to distinguish
       between the cards of the daughter-in-law and
       the mother-in-law.

Page 105

       If both become widows, and yet wish to
       retain their husbands’ Christian names, the
       daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards.

Stag parties.  A party composed of men exclusively
       is sometimes so designated.  They
       are usually informal in character, but may be
       as elaborate in detail as desired.

  Dress.  The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn,
       unless at a formal stag party, when evening
       dress is appropriate.

State, Secretary of-how addressed. An official letter begins:  Sir, and ends:  I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

       A social letter begins:  My dear Mr. Wilson,
       and ends:  I have the honor to remain most
       sincerely yours.

       The address on the envelope is:  Hon. John
       J. Wilson, Secretary of State.

STATIONERY.

  Men.  The variations from plainness and quietness
       in the use of stationery that are permitted
       women are denied to men.  Their
       paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles
       are in poor taste.

       For his social correspondence a man should
       use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled
       paper, folding once in the envelope.

       He may, of course, use for social correspondence
       his club stationery.

       Under no circumstances should he use his
       business stationery for social correspondence.

  Women.  Unruled plain white or gray paper,
       that folds once in the envelope, and black
       ink, are the standard materials for social correspondence.

While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.

       While it is better not to use perfumed
       paper, if any perfume is used it should be
       extremely delicate.

       Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen
       or similar stationery.

Strangers-invitations to A ball asked for by friends. 
  See balls-invitations asked for strangers.

STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES.

  Men.  The old custom of a man giving up his
       seat in a street-car to a woman is being gradually
       done away with.  This is due largely
       to the fact that women are now so extensively
       engaged in commercial business that
       they are constant riders at the busy hours,
       end thus come into direct competition with
       men.

Page 106

A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hardships and annoyances.  A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly.  In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.

It is good form for a man to assist a woman getting on or off a car.  If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.

       A man should always be polite and courteous
       toward a conductor, as the latter’s
       position is a hard and trying one.

       A man should never cross his legs or keep
       his feet extended in the passageway.

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one.  It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small space between those who are seated.

  Expenses.  A man traveling with another man
       can pay the latter’s fare if he wishes.  But
       if he is accompanied by a woman he should
       pay her fare.  If he is in the car, and other
       acquaintances, men or women, enter, they
       should pay their own fares.

  Women.  A woman should not look with a
       pained and injured air at the men passengers
       because no one of them has offered her a seat. 
       The great influx of women into the commercial
       world, and their being thrown into direct
       competition with men, has largely done away
       with the fine old custom of men giving up
       their seats to women.  The impoliteness of
       many women in accepting a seat as a matter
       of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps
       without a “Thank you,” has helped largely
       to bring about the present state of affairs. 
       No woman of ordinary good manners should
       fail to express her thanks for the courtesy
       proffered.  If a woman is offered a seat she
       should accept it at once-without urging.

A man may assist a woman in getting off a car.  If a woman is accompanied by a man and she leaves the car, he should assist her to alight.

       A woman should wait till a car absolutely
       stops before she gets on or off, and she
       should face the front when leaving the car.

If possible, a woman should have her car-fare handy or easy of access-preferably in her hand-before entering the car if it is crowded.  A woman should avoid crowding into a small space between others, and it is better for her to stand than to occupy barely the edge of a seat.  If it is absolutely necessary for her to enter a crowded car, she should do so with an apology to those whom

Page 107

she may crowd.

  Conductor.  A conductor occupies a difficult
       and trying position, and will always appreciate
       any courtesy shown him by a woman. 
       If a woman desires a transfer, she should let
       him know in ample time; if she wants any information
       from him, she should ask him when
       paying her fare, and should indicate her desire
       to leave the car at least a block ahead of
       her street.  A woman should not trust to a
       conductor to remember her street, even if she
       has asked him, but should look out for the
       street herself.

  Expenses.  If a woman is in a car and a man
       joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she
       should pay her own fare.  But if she is traveling
       with an escort she should not offer to
       pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses.

STREET ETIQUETTE.

  Men.  If a man is passed on the street without
       any recognition by an acquaintance, he should
       hesitate before accepting it as a direct cut, as
       it may have been an oversight.  If it is repeated,
       he will know its full meaning.

       To pass a person whom one knows and to
       look straight at him without recognition is
       the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance.

       A man should avoid loud and boisterous
       behavior.

If a man is compelled to force his way through a crowded street, he should do so courteously and with an apology to any one inconvenienced by his act.

In walking three or four abreast, men should be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare, but should quickly fall into single file when necessary.

A man should greet his acquaintances on the street quietly and courteously, and if on a crowded street, should step out of the way of persons and be brief in his remarks.

In all public places and conveyances a man should offer his seat to a woman, though he is not expected to do so when reserved seats can be obtained—­as, in a theatre, at an opera, etc.

  Accidents.  In case of accident or danger a man
       should protect the woman whom he escorts,
       and take her to a place of safety.  If her
       clothing is torn, or she has met with some
       accident of which she is unaware, a man may,
       if he desires, politely raise his hat and call
       her attention to the fact.  If by accident a
       man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress,
       he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize,
       whether he knows her or not.

  Bowing.  A man should not bow to a woman
       until she has first recognized him, unless they
       are old acquaintances.

Page 108

A man should acknowledge the salutation of a woman on the street, even if he does not know her, as it saves her from embarrassment at her mistake.

       When bidding farewell to a woman after a
       conversation on the street, a man should bow
       and raise his hat.

If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car or other conveyance, he should raise his hat and bow, while her escort acknowledges the courtesy by doing the same.

       When a man opens a door for a woman
       unknown to him, he should bow, while she
       enters in advance of him.

       A man should raise his hat and bow on all
       occasions when offering any courtesy to a
       woman, whether stranger or acquaintance.

       A man may bow to an elderly man or person
       of official position.

A man may offer his services to a woman in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and should raise his hat and bow when she is safely over, but should, make no comment unless she does so first.  He may also offer her assistance in getting on or off a car, raising his hat and bowing without remark.

If a man is accompanied by a woman and another man extends a courtesy to her, he should acknowledge it by bowing and giving a polite “Thank you.”

If when walking with a man a woman meets a male acquaintance who bows, her escort should raise his hat and bow, though the two men are strangers to each other.  If the escort meets a man known to him, both men should raise their hats and bow.

  Canes and umbrellas.  These should be carried
       vertically, never horizontally, thereby
       endangering other persons’ eyes.  Especially
       is this important when entering cars or going
       up long flights of steps-as, the stairs of the
       elevated railroad.

  Conversation.  A man who meets a woman,
       and desires to engage in conversation with
       her, should ask permission to accompany her. 
       If this is granted, he may proceed a short
       distance, unless requested to go farther.

When meeting a woman on the street and stopping to converse with her, a man should raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now in good form for a man to remain bareheaded until requested by the woman to replace his hat.

       A man should avoid stopping a woman on
       the street to engage her in conversation.

Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman warrants a man joining her on the street.  If it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrassing to her.

  Smoking.  A man should never smoke while
       walking with a woman on a street.  Smoking
       on fashionable thoroughfares is bad form.

A man should avoid expectorating upon a sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should walk to the curb and use the street for that purpose.

  Walking.  A man should not walk between two
       women, but at the side nearest the curb.

Page 109

When walking with a woman, a man should walk near the curb, unless passing an obstruction-as, a building in course of construction-when she should have the outer side to protect her from harm, or from coming in contact with disagreeable things.

A man should offer his right arm to a woman, but this is rarely necessary in the daytime.  It is essential, however, and proper for him to do so after dark.

  Women.  Conduct on the street should always
       be reserved.  It is bad form to loudly laugh
       or to boldly glance at the passers-by, especially
       men.

       Women should never walk three or four
       abreast.

       Women may salute each other with a bow
       and a handshake, but a kiss in public is no
       longer in good form.

       During a promenade, where friends pass
       and repass, it is not necessary to exchange
       greetings to each other.

       A polite “Thank you,” with a bow and a
       smile, should be the reward of any man extending
       a courtesy to a woman.

  Bowing.  It is the woman’s privilege to determine
       whom she will publicly recognize, and
       therefore she should bow first to all men
       whom she desires to favor.  This formality
       is, however, unnecessary with intimate
       friends.

  Umbrellas.  These should be carried vertically,
       and never horizontally under the arm.

  Walking.  If a woman is walking with a man,
       and another man stops to speak, it would be
       in exceeding bad taste to ask him to join her.

       A woman should take a man’s right arm,
       but only after dark, unless for some special
       reason-as, weakness, etc.-it is necessary.

If a woman is walking alone, and a man of her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may ask permission to accompany her farther, which, if agreeable, should be granted.  She may stop for a few moments’ chat, and shake hands if she wishes.  If he stands before her with uncovered head, she should promptly ask him to replace his hat.  She should not block the thoroughfare, and should take the initiative if he does not step to one side.  If agreeable, an invitation may be extended to him to walk a short distance.

Subscription balls. 
  Men.  Shortly after receiving an invitation to a
       subscription ball, a man should leave a card
       for the patroness inviting him.

  Invitations.  In addition to the regular invitations,
       it is customary to guard against the
       admission of persons not really invited by
       the use of vouchers to be shown at the
       hall door, or some similar precaution is
       taken.

       When a subscriber sends an invitation and
       a voucher, he should send in the same
       envelope one of his calling cards.

Page 110

Sunday calls.  Informal calls may be made on
       Sunday after three o’clock by business and
       professional men, provided there are no religious
       or other scruples on the part of those receiving
       the calls.

       Men should wear afternoon dress.

Suppers given by men—­women.  A young woman
       may accept a man’s invitation, provided she
       has the consent of her mother or guardian,
       and is assured that a chaperone will be present.

Suppers—­men.  Suppers are generally for men. 
       The hours are from ten to eleven.  A man can
       give such entertainments in bachelor apartments
       or restaurant, and if women are invited,
       chaperones should be present.

The invitations may be given personally, written, or a visiting-card may be used, giving hour and date.  If the supper is given in honor of a special guest, engraved cards or note sheets are used.

      Suppers may be of various kinds—­such as
      Fish, Game, Wine, Champagne.

Suppers and theatre parties. 
  Men.  A man should not invite a young woman
       to a theatre party or supper without inviting
       her mother or a chaperone to accompany
       them.  At large theatre parties or suppers,
       when there are ten or more guests, several
       chaperones should be invited.  Any married
       or elderly unmarried woman can act as
       chaperone, care being taken that they are
       well-known and agreeable to all, as much of the
       pleasure of the evening depends upon them. 
  Carriages.  A conveyance holding a large party
       can be sent to take invited guests to the
       entertainment.  The chaperone should be
       called for first, and should be the last one to
       be left at home upon returning.  The chaperones
       may use their own carriages and call
       for guests if they desire.  If the chaperones
       call for the guests, the men can be met at the
       place of amusement.  Conveyances should
       be provided for guests.

Suppers given by bachelors. 
         See bachelors’ suppers.

Table etiquette.  It is correct to take a little of all
       that is offered, though one may not care for it. 
       Bend slightly over the plate when carrying
       the food to the mouth, resuming upright
       position afterward.

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it
gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. 
Do not empty the vessel at one draught.

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Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table.  They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.

       A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate
       or any article to another guest, or serve the
       viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess.

       Upon leaving the table, push the chair
       back far enough to be out of the way of others.

  Accidents.  Accidents, or anything that may be
       amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a
       guest unless he is the cause of it.  In that
       event some pleasant remark as to his awkwardness
       should be made and no more.  The
       waiter should attend to the matter at once.

       If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should
       not be picked up by the guest, but another
       used, or ask the waiter to provide one.

Conversation.  Aim at bright and general conversation,
avoiding all personalities and any
subject that all cannot join in.  This is
largely determined by the character of the
company.  The guests should accommodate
themselves to their surroundings.

See also finger-Bowl, knife and fork, second helping, seeds, spoon, toothpicks, Wines, and names of individual fruits and foods—­as, apples, bread, etc.

Talking—­theatres.  Conversation during the progress
       of the play or the opera should be
       avoided and confined to the intermissions. 
       The theatregoer should avoid all noise, gestures,
       or actions that would annoy others.

A man would be justified, when annoyed by
a person talking loud near him, in asking
him politely to speak lower.

TEAS.

Invitations.  These need no acknowledgment.

Given by bachelors. 
See bachelors’ teas.

Afternoon. 
See afternoon teas.

High. 
See high tea.

Telephone invitations.  Telephone invitations should
       be sent only to those with whom the utmost
       intimacy exists, and who will pardon the
       informality.

Theatre.  A young man may invite a young woman
       to the theatre or opera, even if he has but a
       slight acquaintance with her, but of course
       he should secure the permission of her parents
       or chaperone.

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It is correct for the young man to inquire if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, he should state in what part of the house he proposes to secure seats.  This will enable her to determine how to dress.

If the young woman wears street toilette, her escort may take her in any public conveyance, but if she wears evening dress, he should provide a carriage.

At the theatre he should precede the woman down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is the latter, he should open the door and wait for her to pass.

A man may use his judgment as to the aisle seat.  If a better view can be had, or seemingly objectionable people are next the inside seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman the aisle seat.

A man should never leave his companion between the acts.  The custom of both men and women going into the foyer at that time is a growing one, and is a relief to the audience.

       Refreshments at some fashionable place
       may follow after the entertainment.

For a man to call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.

  Bonnet.  A woman of any consideration will
       either wear no bonnet at all or remove it as
       soon as the curtain is raised.

It would be in place for a man or woman whose view is hampered by a bonnet to politely ask the wearer to remove it, and when it is done, to thank her.

  Men—­leaving cards.  After a theatre party
       given by a man, he should call within three
       days on the woman he escorted or leave his
       card.

  Precedence.  In entering a theatre a man precedes
       the women of his party, but after he
       has handed his coupons to the ushers he
       gives the women precedence, and follows
       them to their seats.

  Talking.  Conversation during the progress of
       the play or the opera should be avoided, and
       confined to the intermissions.

       The theatregoer should avoid all noise,
       gestures, or actions tending to annoy others
       or to render himself conspicuous.

       A man would be justified, when annoyed
       by a person talking loud near him, in asking
       him politely to speak lower.

THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES.

  Given by men.  A man giving a theatre or
       opera party should secure one or more
       chaperones if women are to be present.