When they had frolicked with him to their hearts’ content, they escorted him into the cabin, where a sumptuous collation was prepared, and to which he, after considerable ceremony, sat down and ate enough to have satisfied three critics for at least a week. They then plied him with punches and other strong drinks, which were so mixed as to seriously affect his brain, for it began to reel up his vision, and he broke forth in the most spasmodic strains, addressing those present, whom he declared a political assemblage, on the state of the nation. In my determination never to swerve from the truth in this history, I am compelled here to record, that the Yacht Club found they had paid dearly for their joke, inasmuch as the major, adopting the conduct most in fashion among the politicians of Tammany Hall, did, during one of his strongest oratorical displays, suddenly spring upon the table, demolishing much valuable glass, and making wreck of everything in the vicinity, which, as a popular politician, he swore he had a right to do. The state of confusion being now complete, the ladies ran screaming up on deck, and it was with great difficulty the major could be restrained from behaving himself like a madman. At length, from raving about the state of the nation, he relapsed into a state of stupor, in which he became so insensible that they were all alarmed lest death step in and put an untimely end to his existence. In truth, so much did they fear the result of their joke, that they would have sent for a parson and begged him to pray kindly for the poor man, but that he opened his eyes, and gave out such other signs of returning consciousness as assured them that the only danger now to be feared was that he would soil certain portions of his raiment, which, were it to get out, (and there were always malicious persons ready to speak ill of a politician so famous,) it would do him irreparable damage.
And now, having transcended the limits of my chapter, I must beg the impatient reader, if he love a joke, and have no scruples about its nakedness, to turn to the next, where he will find a result to his satisfaction.
Which relates how the major was restored to perfect health; and also an authentic description of what took place on his arrival in new York.
If, reader, you be an honest man, and in any way acquainted with the pranks of politicians in these our times, you will not pour forth a lamentation over what I have written; for I take it you will see that I have broken the filthy clods only, to get at the real truth. But if you be a politician, thief, or housebreaker-in fine, if you belong to any of these twin professions, the members of which find it convenient