The Fiend's Delight eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 147 pages of information about The Fiend's Delight.

....  A cow in walking does not, as is popularly supposed, pick up all her feet at once, but only one of them at a time.  Which one depends upon circumstances.  The cow is but an indifferent pedestrian.  H‘c fabula docet that one should not keep three-fourths of his capital lying idle.  V.

....  The Quail is a very timorous bird, who never achieves anything notable, yet he has a crest.  The Jay, who is of a warlike and powerful family, has no crest.  There is a moral in this which Aristocracy will do well to ponder.  But the quail is very good to eat and the jay is not.  The quail is entitled to a crest. (In the Eastern States, this meditation will provoke dispute, for there the jay has a crest and the quail has not.  The Eastern States are exceptional and inferior.) VI.

....  The destruction of rubbish with fire makes a very great smoke.  In this particular a battle resembles the destruction of rubbish.  There would be a close resemblance even if a battle evolved no smoke.  Rubbish, by the way, is not good eating, but an essayist should not be a gourmet-in the country.  VII.

....  Sweet milk should be taken only in the middle of the night.  If taken during the day it forms a curd in the stomach, and breeds a dire distress.  In the middle of the night the stomach is supposed to be innocent of whisky, and it is the whisky that curdles the milk.  Should you be sleeping nicely, I would not advise you to come out of that condition to drink sweet milk.  VIII.

....  In the country the atmosphere is of unequal density, and in passing through the denser portions your silk hat will be ruffled, and the country people will jeer at it.  They will jeer at it anyhow.  When going into the country, you should leave your silk hat at a bank, taking a certificate of deposit.  IX.

....  The sheep chews too fast to enjoy his victual.


...  Following is the manner of death incurred by Dr. Deadwood, the celebrated African explorer, which took place at Ujijijijiji, under the auspices of the Royal Geographical Society of England, assisted, at some distance, by Mr. Shandy of the New York Herald;—­

An intelligent gorilla has recently been imported to this country, who had the good fortune to serve the Doctor as a body servant in the interior of Africa, and he thus describes the manner of his master’s death.  The Doctor was accustomed to pass his nights in the stomach of an acquaintance-a crocodile about fifty feet long.  Stepping out one evening to take an observation of one of the lunar eclipses peculiar to the country, he spoke to his host, saying that as he should not return, until after bedtime, he would not trouble him to sit up to let him in; he would just leave the door open till he came home.  By way of doing so, he set up a stout fence-rail between his landlord’s distended jaws, and went away.

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The Fiend's Delight from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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