Observations By Mr. Dooley eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 209 pages of information about Observations By Mr. Dooley.
bluff I’ve been makin’ these manny years.  What’ll I do to make thim me frinds so that ‘twud be like settin’ fire to their own house to attackt me?  Be hivins, I’ve got it.  They’re a dimmycratic people.  I’ll sind thim a prince.  They can’t keep him away, an’ whin he lands, th’ German popylation’ll come out an’ get up schootzenfists f’r him an’ me fellow impror acrost th’ say’ll see how manny iv them there ar-re, an’ he’ll think twict befure he makes faces at me.  F’r, wanst a German, always a German be it iver so far,’ he says.  ’I’ll sind thim Hinnery.  Hinnery!  Turn in th’ alarm f’r Hinnery,’ he says.  Hinnery slides down th’ pole an’ th’ Impror says:  ‘Brother, catch th’ night boat f’r America an’ pay a visit to whativer king they have there.  Take along annywan ye like an’ as manny thrunks as ye need, an’ stay as long as ye plaze.  Don’t ring.  Back th’ dhray again’ th’ front dure an’ hurl ye’ersilf into th’ first bed room ye see.  Act just as if ye was me,’ he says.  ‘But I’m not invited,’ says Hinnery.  ‘Write ye’er own invitation,’ says Willum.  ‘Here’s th’ answer:  ‘Fellow Potyntate, Ye’ers iv th’ second instant askin’ me brother Hinnery to spind a year with ye, not received.  In reply will say that nawthin’ cud give me gr-reater pleasure.  He can stay as long as he plazes.  Him an’ his soot will not need more thin th’ whole house, so ye can have th’ barn to ye’ersilf.  If ye have a brother, don’t neglect to sind him over to see me.  I know a good hotel at four a day, all included but candles, an’ if he stands at th’ front window, he can see me go by anny day.  Ye’ers, Willum, Rex an’ a shade more.’

“So here comes Hinnery, an’ we’re goin’ to give him a gloryous rayciption.  Th’ war vessels will be out to welcome him, th’ prisidint will meet him at th’ dock an’ he will be threated to wan continyous round iv schutzenfists, turnd’yeminds, sangerbunds, katzenjammers, skats, an’ other German fistivals.  Th’ aristocracy iv New York is practicin’ Dutch an’ th’ Waldorf-Astorya will be festooned with dachshunds.  He’ll see more Germans an’ more German Germans thin he iver see in Prooshya.  An’ I hope he’ll have a good time.”

“I wondher what Tiddy Rosenfelt thinks iv it?” asked Mr. Hennessy.

“Well, what wud ye think if ye’d had to intertain a German Prince unawares?  Ye’d give him th’ best ye’d got, ye’d dig up a bottle iv Knockimheimer down th’ sthreet an’ ye’d see that he got a noodle ivry time he reached.  An’ whin he wint away, ye’d go as far as th’ dure with him an’ pat him on th’ back an’ say:  ’Good-bye, good-bye, Hinnery.  Good-bye, Hans.  Guten nobben, oof veedersayin, me boy.  Good luck to ye.  Look out f’r that shtep!  There ye ar-re.  Be careful iv th’ gate.  D’ye think ye can get home all right?  I’d go as far as th’ car with ye if I had me coat on.  Well, good-bye lanksman.  Raymimber me to ye’er brother.  Tell him not to f’rget that little matther.  Oh, of coorse, they’se no counthry in th’ wurruld like Germany an’ we’re uncivilized an’ rapacyous an’ will get our heads knocked off if we go into a fight.  Good-bye, mein frind.’  An’ whin ye’d shut th’ dure on him, ye’d say:  ’Well, what d’ye think iv that?’”

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Observations By Mr. Dooley from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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