bluff I’ve been makin’ these manny years.
What’ll I do to make thim me frinds so that
‘twud be like settin’ fire to their own
house to attackt me? Be hivins, I’ve got
it. They’re a dimmycratic people.
I’ll sind thim a prince. They can’t
keep him away, an’ whin he lands, th’
German popylation’ll come out an’ get up
schootzenfists f’r him an’ me fellow impror
acrost th’ say’ll see how manny iv them
there ar-re, an’ he’ll think twict befure
he makes faces at me. F’r, wanst a German,
always a German be it iver so far,’ he says.
’I’ll sind thim Hinnery. Hinnery!
Turn in th’ alarm f’r Hinnery,’
he says. Hinnery slides down th’ pole
an’ th’ Impror says: ‘Brother,
catch th’ night boat f’r America an’
pay a visit to whativer king they have there.
Take along annywan ye like an’ as manny thrunks
as ye need, an’ stay as long as ye plaze.
Don’t ring. Back th’ dhray again’
th’ front dure an’ hurl ye’ersilf
into th’ first bed room ye see. Act just
as if ye was me,’ he says. ‘But
I’m not invited,’ says Hinnery. ‘Write
ye’er own invitation,’ says Willum.
‘Here’s th’ answer: ‘Fellow
Potyntate, Ye’ers iv th’ second instant
askin’ me brother Hinnery to spind a year with
ye, not received. In reply will say that nawthin’
cud give me gr-reater pleasure. He can stay as
long as he plazes. Him an’ his soot will
not need more thin th’ whole house, so ye can
have th’ barn to ye’ersilf. If ye
have a brother, don’t neglect to sind him over
to see me. I know a good hotel at four a day,
all included but candles, an’ if he stands at
th’ front window, he can see me go by anny day.
Ye’ers, Willum, Rex an’ a shade more.’
“So here comes Hinnery, an’ we’re
goin’ to give him a gloryous rayciption.
Th’ war vessels will be out to welcome him,
th’ prisidint will meet him at th’ dock
an’ he will be threated to wan continyous round
iv schutzenfists, turnd’yeminds, sangerbunds,
katzenjammers, skats, an’ other German fistivals.
Th’ aristocracy iv New York is practicin’
Dutch an’ th’ Waldorf-Astorya will be
festooned with dachshunds. He’ll see more
Germans an’ more German Germans thin he iver
see in Prooshya. An’ I hope he’ll
have a good time.”
“I wondher what Tiddy Rosenfelt thinks iv it?”
asked Mr. Hennessy.
“Well, what wud ye think if ye’d had to
intertain a German Prince unawares? Ye’d
give him th’ best ye’d got, ye’d
dig up a bottle iv Knockimheimer down th’ sthreet
an’ ye’d see that he got a noodle ivry
time he reached. An’ whin he wint away,
ye’d go as far as th’ dure with him an’
pat him on th’ back an’ say: ’Good-bye,
good-bye, Hinnery. Good-bye, Hans. Guten
nobben, oof veedersayin, me boy. Good luck to
ye. Look out f’r that shtep! There
ye ar-re. Be careful iv th’ gate.
D’ye think ye can get home all right? I’d
go as far as th’ car with ye if I had me coat
on. Well, good-bye lanksman. Raymimber
me to ye’er brother. Tell him not to f’rget
that little matther. Oh, of coorse, they’se
no counthry in th’ wurruld like Germany an’
we’re uncivilized an’ rapacyous an’
will get our heads knocked off if we go into a fight.
Good-bye, mein frind.’ An’ whin
ye’d shut th’ dure on him, ye’d say:
’Well, what d’ye think iv that?’”