Observations By Mr. Dooley eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 139 pages of information about Observations By Mr. Dooley.

“We looked on mathrimony as a dhraft on posterity, as Mark Hanna wud say, an’ not as an invistmint.  We argyied that while th’ childher was growin’ up we’d be undher no expinse, an’ when they’d finished their schoolin’ an’ was able to take up th’ stern jooties iv life an’ go to wurruk, say between th’ age iv sivin an’ nine, they cud support us in luxury.  Th’ young ladies had none th’ best iv us.  They had no money too, along with th’ rest iv their charms.  It was no case iv matchin’ coopons in thim happy days.  Th’ father iv th’ fam’ly niver thought iv sindin’ in an expert accountant to look over th’ young man’s books an’ decide whether his invistmints was sound, an’ if th’ young man had th’ nerve to ask his father-in-law was he still on th’ payroll, ’twudn’t be the sacramint iv mathrimony he’d require.  If th’ young man was kind to th’ dog, smoked seegars that were not made be th’ rubber thrust an’ cud pass ivry second saloon without a pang, he was illegible f’r to enther th’ first fam’lies in th’ neighborhood an’ sometimes even th’ last.  We was too dilicate f’r to speak iv marredge as though it was like buyin’ a pound iv tinpinny nails.  Durin’ th’ coortship no wan around th’ house iver let on that annything was in th’ air, though wanst in awhile they was a giggle whin th’ dure bell rang an’ th’ ol’ man wud give a wink to th’ clock an’ go out into th’ kitchen.  We spint most iv our time in th’ kitchen while th’ preliminaries was bein’ arranged.  Th’ coortship I think wint on be a complete system iv signals long befure Marconi come into th’ wurruld, but wan night th’ wealthy heiress come hack fr’m th’ parlor an’ fell into a clinch with her mother, an’ th’ proud father yawned an’ wint to bed.  That was all they was to it.  No wan assayed young Lotharyo Hinnissy iv th’ sixth ward.  If they heard he had twinty-five dollars, they’d begin f’r to make an allybi ready f’r him.  I mind whin Hogan was goin’ to marry Cassidy’s daughter.  ’I haven’t a cint,’ he says.  ‘Hurry up an’ marry thin,’ says Cassidy, ’or ye might have.’

“That’s th’ way it was in thim good ol’ days an’, be hivins, I think that’s th’ way it is now among th’ likes iv us.  An’ that’s a good thing f’r th’ men that own th’ rollin’ mills.  It wudden’t do to take anny chances goin’ up an’ down Ar-rchey road offerin’ ye’ersilf without th’ cash forfeit.  Some wan might call ye.  But it’s diff’rent among th’ best fam’lies.  ’Tis far diff’rent.  I read be th’ pa-apers in this conthrovarsy, that if a man can’t show down a bank account that wud make Andhrew Carnaygie feel like goin’ back to wurruk, he might as well make up his mind to remain a gay bachelor till he falls fr’m th’ cab f’r th’ las’ time.  Not f’r him th’ joys iv marrid life, th’ futman at th’ dure tellin’ him his wife has not come home yet, th’ prattlin’ iv th’ tendher infant as it is rocked to sleep in th’ incybator, th’ frequent letthers fr’m abroad askin’ him if th’ dhraft come.  No rayspictible woman wud have him while he was gettin’ th’ money an’ none ought to have him afther he’s got it.

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Observations By Mr. Dooley from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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