Observations By Mr. Dooley eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 209 pages of information about Observations By Mr. Dooley.

“‘Twas that got him into throuble.  Wan day afther inspictin’ th’ army, Gin’ral Miles give a chat to wan iv his fav’rite journals on what he thought about th’ navy, him bein’ a great authority on navy affairs befure steam come in.  I don’t know what th’ divvle he said an’ I don’t care, f’r me mind was made up long ago, an’ ivrybody that don’t agree with me is little betther thin a thraitor or a cow’rd.  But annyhow he give his opinyion, an’ afther givin’ it he took his bonnet out, had a goold beater in to fix up th’ epylets, got th’ ilicthric lights goin’ in th’ buttons, found th’ right pair iv blue an’ pink pants, pulled on th’ shoes with th’ silver bells, harnessed to his manly hips th’ soord with the forget-me-nots on th’ handle an’ pranced over to th’ White House.  As he wint up th’ hall, he noticed an atmosphere iv what Hogan calls cold hatoor, f’r wan iv th’ durekeepers said th’ prisidint wasn’t home an’ another lightly kicked him as he passed, but like a sojer he wint on to th’ East room where Mr. Rosenfelt, th’ pa-apers tells me, shtud in front iv th’ fireplace, nervously pluckin’ Sicrety Gage be th’ beard.  ‘I’ve come,’ says Gin’ral Miles, ‘to pay me rayspicts to th’ head iv th’ naytion.’  ’Thank ye,’ says th’ prisidint, ‘I’ll do th’ same f’r th’ head iv th’ army,’ he says, bouncin’ a coal scuttle on th’ vethran’s helmet.  ‘Gin’ral, I don’t like ye’er recent conduct,’ he says, sindin’ th’ right to th’ pint iv th’ jaw.  ‘Ye’ve been in th’ army forty year,’ he says, pushin’ his head into th’ grate, ‘an’ ye shud know that an officer who criticizes his fellow officers, save in th’ reg’lar way, that is to say in a round robin, is guilty iv I dinnaw what,’ he says, feedin’ him with his soord.  ’I am foorced to administher ye a severe reproof,’ he says.  ’Is that what this is?’ says Gin’ral Miles.  ‘It is,’ says th’ prisidint.  ’I thought it was capital punishnmint,’ says Gin’ral Miles as he wint out through th’ window pursooed be a chandelier.  His nex’ article will be entitled ‘Hospital Sketches,’ an’ I undhershtand he’s dictatin’ a few remarks to his nurse on providin’ atthractive suits iv steel plate f’r gin’rals in th’ army.

“Well, sir, they’ll be gr-reat times down there f’r a few years.  A movement is on foot f’r to establish an emergency hospital f’r office holders an’ politicians acrost th’ sthreet fr’m th’ White House where they can be threated f’r infractions iv th’ Civil Sarvice law followed be pers’nal injuries.  I’ll be watchin’ th’ pa-apers ivry mornin’.  ‘Rayciption at th’ White House.  Among th’ casulties was so-an’-so.  Th’ prisidint was in a happy mood.  He administhered a stingin’ rebuke to th’ Chief Justice iv th’ Supreme Coort, a left hook to eye.  Sinitor Hanna was prisint walkin’ with a stick.  Th’ prisidint approached him gaily an’ asked him about his leg. “‘Tis gettin’ betther,” says th’ sinitor.  “That’s good,” says th’ prisidint.  “Come again whin it is entirely well an’ we’ll talk over that appointment,” he

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Observations By Mr. Dooley from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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