Observations By Mr. Dooley eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 209 pages of information about Observations By Mr. Dooley.
fr’m narvous dyspepsia to cheer thim up.  Th’ pa-apers says ’tis fine.  ’Number 108 shows Sargent at his best.  There is the same marvellous ticknick that th’ great master displayed in his cillybrated take-off on Mrs. Maenheimer in last year’s gallery.  Th’ skill an’ ease with which th’ painther has made a monkey iv his victim are beyond praise.  Sargent has torn th’ sordid heart out iv th’ wretched crather an’ exposed it to th’ wurruld.  Th’ wicked, ugly little eyes, th’ crooked nose, th’ huge graspin’ hands, tell th’ story iv this miscreant’s character as completely as if they were written in so manny wurruds, while th’ artist, with wondherful malice, has painted onto th’ face a smile iv sickenin’ silf-complacency that is positively disgustin’.  No artist iv our day has succeeded so well in showin’ up th’ maneness iv th’ people he has mugged.  We ondershtand that th’ atrocious Higbie paid wan hundherd thousan’ dollars f’r this comic valentine.  It is worth th’ money to ivrybody but him.’

“But Higbie don’t see th’ pa-aper.  He’s over in Paris.  Th’ chimes are rung, bonefires are lighted in th’ sthreets an’ th’ Pannyma Comp’ny declares a dividend whin he enters th’ city.  They’se such a demand f’r paint that th’ supply runs out an’ manny gr-reat imprishonist pitcher facthries is foorced to use bluein’.  Higbie ordhers paintin’s be th’ ton, th’ r-runnin’ foot, th’ foot pound, th’ car load.  He insthructs th’ pitcher facthries to wurruk night an’ day till his artistic sowl is satisfied.  We follow his coorse in th’ pa-apers.  ‘Th’ cillybrated Gainsborough that niver wud be missed has been captured be Misther Higbie, th’ American millyionaire.  Th’ price paid is said to be wan hundherd thousan’ dollars.  Th’ pitcher riprisints a lady in a large hat fondlin’ a cow.  It is wan iv th’ finest Gainsboroughs painted be th’ Gainsborough Mannyfacthrin’ comp’ny iv Manchester.  At th’ las’ public sale, it was sold f’r thirty dollars.  Misther Higbie has also purchased th’ cillybrated Schmartzmeister Boogooroo, wan iv th’ mos’ horrible examples iv this delightful painther’s style.  He is now negotyatin’ with th’ well-known dealer Moosoo Mortheimer f’r th’ intire output iv th’ Barabazah School.  Yisterdah in a call on th’ janial dealer, th’ name iv th’ cillybrated painther Mooney was mintioned.  “How manny pitchers has he painted?” “Four hundherd and forty-three thousan’ at ilivin o’clock to-day,” says th’ dealer.  “But four hundherd thousan’ iv thim ar-re in America.”  “Get th’ r-rest iv thim f’r me,” says th’ connysoor.  “What did ye say th’ gintleman’s name was?” We ondershtand that Misther Mooney has had to put in two new four-deck machines to meet th’ ordhers, which include thirty green an’ mauve haystacks, forty blue barns or childher at play, an’ no less thin ninety riprisintations iv mornin’ at sea, moonlight avenin’, flock iv sheep, or whativer ye may call thim.’

“An’ whin he comes home, he hangs thim in his house, so that his frinds can’t turn around without takin’ off a pasthral scene on their coats, an’ he pastes th’ price on th’ frame, an’ whin he dies, he laves his pitcher to some definceless art museem.  An’ there ye ar-re.

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Observations By Mr. Dooley from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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