Observations By Mr. Dooley eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 209 pages of information about Observations By Mr. Dooley.
th’ safe, an’ th’ polis combined these discoveries with th’ well-known fact that Muggins was a notoryous safe blower an’ they took him in.  They found him down th’ sthreet thryin’ to sell a bushel basket full iv Alley L stock.  I told ye he was a simple man.  He ralized his ambition f’r an agaracoolchral life.  They give him th’ care iv th’ cows at Joliet.”

“Did he rayform?” asked Mr. Hennessy.

“No,” said Mr. Dooley; “he escaped.  An’ th’ way he got out wud baffle th’ injinooty iv a Sherlock Holmes.”

“How did he do it?” asked Mr. Hennessy.

“He climbed over th’ wall,” said Mr. Dooley.

International Amenities

“Be hivins,” said Mr. Dooley, “I wisht I’d been there.”

“Where?” asked Mr. Hennessy.

“At th’ bankit iv th’ Ancyent an’ Hon’rable Chamber iv Commerce in New York,” said Mr. Dooley. “’Tis a hard fate that compels me to live out here on th’ prairies among th’ aborig’nal Americans fr’m Poland an’ Bohaymya.  Me heart at times is burstin’ f’r to jine in th’ festivities iv me fellow Britons in New York.  F’r I’m a British subjick, Hinnissy.  I wasn’t born wan.  I was born in Ireland.  But I have a little money put away, an’ ivry American that has larned to make wan dollar sthick to another is ex-officio, as Hogan says, a British subjick.  We’ve adopted a foster father.  Some iv us ain’t anny too kind to th’ ol’ gintleman.  In th’ matther iv th’ Nicaragoon Canal we have recently pushed him over an’ took about all he had.  But our hearts feels th’ love iv th’ parent counthry, though our hands is rebellyous, an’ ivry year me fellow-merchants gets together in New York an’ f’rgets th’ cares iv th’ wool an’ tallow business in an outburst iv devotion to th’ ol’ land fr’m which our fathers sprung or was sprung be th’ authorities.

“Th’ prisidint iv th’ bankit was me frind Morse K. Cheeseshop a mimber iv an ol’ Yorkshire fam’ly born in th’ West Riding iv Long Island befure th’ Crimeyan War.  At his right sat th’ Sicrety iv state f’r th’ colony, an’ at his left me frind th’ ambassadure to th’ Coort iv Saint James.  Why we shud sind an ambassadure I don’t know, though it may be an ol’ custom kept up f’r to plaze th’ people iv Omaha.  He’s a good man, th’ ambassadure, who is inthrajoocin’ th’ American joke in England.  Hogan says th’ diff’rence between an American joke an’ an English joke is th’ place to laugh.  In an American joke ye laugh just afther th’ point if at all, but in an English joke ye laugh ayether befure th’ point or afther th’ decease iv th’ joker.  Th’ ambassadure hopes to inthrajooce a cross iv th’ two that ye don’t laugh at at all that will be suited to th’ English market.  His expeeriments so far has been encouragin’.

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Observations By Mr. Dooley from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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