Before I say more about it, I will just relate my last taste of the mood.  I was walking alone in the autumn landscape; bare fields about me; the trees of a village to my right touched sharply with gold and russet red; some white-gabled cottages clustered together, and there was a tower among the trees; it was near sunset, and the sun seemed dragging behind him to the west long wisps of purple and rusty clouds touched with fire; below me to the left a stream passing slowly among rushes and willow-beds, all beautiful and silent and remote.  I had an anxious matter in my mind, a thing that required, so it seemed to me, careful deliberation to steer a right course among many motives and contingencies.  I had gone out alone to think it over.  I weighed this against that, and it seemed to me that I was headed off by some obstacle whichever way I turned.  Whatever I desired to do appeared to be disadvantageous and even hurtful.  “Yes,” I said to myself, “this is one of those cases where whatever I do, I shall wish I had done differently!  I see no way out.”  It was then that a deeper voice still seemed to speak in me, the voice of something strong and quiet and even indolent, which seemed half-amused, half-vexed, by my perturbation.  It said, “When you have done reasoning and pondering, I will decide.”  Then I thought that a sort of vague, half-spoken, half-dumb dialogue followed.

“What are you?” I said.  “What right have you to interfere?”

The other voice did not trouble to answer; it only seemed to laugh a lazy laugh.

“I am trying to think this all out,” I said, half-ashamed, half-vexed.  “You may help me if you will; I am perplexed—­I see no way out of it!”

“Oh, you may think as much as you like,” said the other voice.  “I am in no hurry, I can wait.”

“But I am in a hurry,” I said, “and I cannot wait.  This has got to be settled somehow, and without delay.”

“I shall decide when the time comes,” said the voice to me.

“Yes, but you do not understand,” I said, feeling partly irritated and partly helpless.  “There is this and that, there is so-and-so to be considered, there is the effect on these other persons to be weighed; there is my own position too—­I must think of my health—­ there are a dozen things to be taken into account.”

“I know,” said the voice; “I do not mind your balancing all these things if you wish.  I shall take no heed of that!  I repeat that, when you have finished thinking it out, I shall decide.”

“Then you know what you mean to do?” said I, a little angered.

“No, I do not know just yet,” said the voice; “but I shall know when the time comes; there will be no doubt at all.”

“Then I suppose I shall have to do what you decide?” I said, angry but impressed.

“Yes, you will do what I decide,” said the voice; “you know that perfectly well.”

“Then what is the use of my taking all this trouble?” I said.