extravagance and want of balance.  Philip grew hot and cold when he read this.  It had never occurred to him that his uncle would refuse, and he burst into furious anger; but this was succeeded by utter blankness:  if his uncle would not help him he could not go on at the hospital.  Panic seized him and, putting aside his pride, he wrote again to the Vicar of Blackstable, placing the case before him more urgently; but perhaps he did not explain himself properly and his uncle did not realise in what desperate straits he was, for he answered that he could not change his mind; Philip was twenty-five and really ought to be earning his living.  When he died Philip would come into a little, but till then he refused to give him a penny.  Philip felt in the letter the satisfaction of a man who for many years had disapproved of his courses and now saw himself justified.

XCIX

Philip began to pawn his clothes.  He reduced his expenses by eating only one meal a day beside his breakfast; and he ate it, bread and butter and cocoa, at four so that it should last him till next morning.  He was so hungry by nine o’clock that he had to go to bed.  He thought of borrowing money from Lawson, but the fear of a refusal held him back; at last he asked him for five pounds.  Lawson lent it with pleasure, but, as he did so, said: 

“You’ll let me have it back in a week or so, won’t you?  I’ve got to pay my framer, and I’m awfully broke just now.”

Philip knew he would not be able to return it, and the thought of what Lawson would think made him so ashamed that in a couple of days he took the money back untouched.  Lawson was just going out to luncheon and asked Philip to come too.  Philip could hardly eat, he was so glad to get some solid food.  On Sunday he was sure of a good dinner from Athelny.  He hesitated to tell the Athelnys what had happened to him:  they had always looked upon him as comparatively well-to-do, and he had a dread that they would think less well of him if they knew he was penniless.

Though he had always been poor, the possibility of not having enough to eat had never occurred to him; it was not the sort of thing that happened to the people among whom he lived; and he was as ashamed as if he had some disgraceful disease.  The situation in which he found himself was quite outside the range of his experience.  He was so taken aback that he did not know what else to do than to go on at the hospital; he had a vague hope that something would turn up; he could not quite believe that what was happening to him was true; and he remembered how during his first term at school he had often thought his life was a dream from which he would awake to find himself once more at home.  But very soon he foresaw that in a week or so he would have no money at all.  He must set about trying to earn something at once.  If he had been qualified, even with a club-foot, he could have gone out to the Cape, since the demand for