The Efficiency Expert eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 190 pages of information about The Efficiency Expert.

He was still deeply engrossed in the futile attempt of accomplishing in an hour that for which the college curriculum set aside several months when there came sounds of approaching footsteps rapidly ascending the stairway.  His door was unceremoniously thrown open, and there appeared one of those strange apparitions which is the envy and despair of the small-town youth—­a naturally good-looking young fellow, the sartorial arts of whose tailor had elevated his waist-line to his arm-pits, dragged down his shoulders, and caved in his front until he had the appearance of being badly dished from chin to knees.  His trousers appeared to have been made for a man with legs six inches longer than his, while his hat was evidently several sizes too large, since it would have entirely extinguished his face had it not been supported by his ears.

“Hello, Kid!” cried Jimmy.  “What’s new?”

“Whiskers wants you,” replied the other.  “Faculty meeting.  They just got through with me.”

“Hell!” muttered Jimmy feelingly.  “I don’t know what Whiskers wants with me, but he never wants to see anybody about anything pleasant.”

“I am here,” agreed the other, “to announce to the universe that you are right, Jimmy.  He didn’t have anything pleasant to say to me.  In fact, he insinuated that dear old alma mater might be able to wiggle along without me if I didn’t abjure my criminal life.  Made some nasty comparison between my academic achievements and foxtrotting.  I wonder, Jimmy, how they get that way?”

“That’s why they are profs,” explained Jimmy.  “There are two kinds of people in this world—­human beings and profs.  When does he want me?”


Jimmy arose and put on his hat and coat.  “Good-by, Kid,” he said.  “Pray for me, and leave me one cigarette to smoke when I get back.” and, grinning, he left the room.

James Torrance, Jr., was not greatly abashed as he faced the dour tribunal of the faculty.  The younger members, among whom were several he knew to be mighty good fellows at heart, sat at the lower end of the long table, and with owlish gravity attempted to emulate the appearance and manners of their seniors.  At the head of the table sat Whiskers, as the dignified and venerable president of the university was popularly named.  It was generally believed and solemnly sworn to throughout the large corps of undergraduates that within the knowledge of any living man Whiskers had never been known to smile, and to-day he was running true to form.

“Mr. Torrance,” he said, sighing, “it has been my painful duty on more than one occasion to call your attention to the uniformly low average of your academic standing.  At the earnest solicitation of the faculty members of the athletic committee, I have been influenced, against my better judgment, to temporize with an utterly insufferable condition.

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The Efficiency Expert from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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