“Yes, you,” answered the King; “for I had just said that you were the greatest whore-master in England!  Is it not true?”—­“Of a subject, Sir,” replied Lord Shaftesbury, “perhaps I am.”  It is the same in everything; we think a difference of opinion, of conduct, of manners, a tacit reproach, at least, upon our own; we must therefore use ourselves to a ready conformity to whatever is neither criminal nor dishonorable.  Whoever differs from any general custom, is supposed both to think, and proclaim himself wiser than the rest of the world:  which the rest of the world cannot bear, especially in a young man.  A young fellow is always forgiven and often applauded, when he carries a fashion to an excess; but never if he stops short of it.  The first is ascribed to youth and fire; but the latter is imputed to an affectation of singularity or superiority.  At your age, one is allowed to ‘outrer’ fashion, dress, vivacity, gallantry, etc., but by no means to be behindhand in any one of them.  And one may apply to youth in this case, ’Si non errasset, fecerat ille minus’.  Adieu.

LETTER CLXXXIX

Bath, October 19, 1753

My dear friend:  Of all the various ingredients that compose the useful and necessary art of pleasing, no one is so effectual and engaging as that gentleness, that ‘douceur’ of countenance and manner, to which you are no stranger, though (God knows why) a sworn enemy.  Other people take great pains to conceal or disguise their natural imperfections; some by the make of their clothes and other arts, endeavor to conceal the defects of their shape; women, who unfortunately have natural bad complexions, lay on good ones; and both men and women upon whom unkind nature has inflicted a surliness and ferocity of countenance, do at least all they can, though often without success, to soften and mitigate it; they affect ‘douceur’, and aim at smiles, though often in the attempt, like the Devil in Milton, they grin horribly A ghastly smile.  But you are the only person I ever knew in the whole course of my life, who not only disdain, but absolutely reject and disguise a great advantage that nature has kindly granted.  You easily guess I mean countenance; for she has given you a very pleasing one; but you beg to be excused, you will not accept it; but on the contrary, take singular pains to put on the most ‘funeste’, forbidding, and unpleasing one that can possibly be imagined.  This one would think impossible; but you know it to be true.  If you imagine that it gives you a manly, thoughtful, and decisive air, as some, though very few of your countrymen do, you are most exceedingly mistaken; for it is at best the air of a German corporal, part of whose exercise is to look fierce, and to ‘blasemeer-op’.  You will say, perhaps, What, am I always to be studying my countenance, in order to wear this ‘douceur’?