I should feel obliged to stipulate that Marshal Serrano
be reduced to the rank of constable, or even roundsman.
He is no longer fit to be City Marshal. A man
who refused to be king because he was too old and feeble,
is ill qualified to help sick people to the station-house
when they are armed and their form of delirium tremens
is of the exuberant and demonstrative kind.
I should also require that a force be sent to chase
the late Queen Isabella out of France. Her presence
there can work no advantage to Spain, and she ought
to be made to move at once; though, poor thing, she
has been chaste enough heretofore—for a
Spanish woman.
I should also require that—
I am at this moment authoritatively informed that
“The Tribune” did not mean me, after all.
Very well, I do not care two cents.
One calamity to which the death of Mr. Dickens dooms
this country has not awakened the concern to which
its gravity entitles it. We refer to the fact
that the nation is to be lectured to death and read
to death all next winter, by Tom, Dick, and Harry,
with poor lamented Dickens for a pretext. All
the vagabonds who can spell will afflict the people
with “readings” from Pickwick and Copperfield,
and all the insignificants who have been ennobled
by the notice of the great novelist or transfigured
by his smile will make a marketable commodity of it
now, and turn the sacred reminiscence to the practical
use of procuring bread and butter. The lecture
rostrums will fairly swarm with these fortunates.
Already the signs of it are perceptible. Behold
how the unclean creatures are wending toward the dead
lion and gathering to the feast:
“Reminiscences of Dickens.” A lecture.
By John Smith, who heard him read eight times.
“Remembrances of Charles Dickens.”
A lecture. By John Jones, who saw him once
in a street car and twice in a barber shop.
“Recollections of Mr. Dickens.”
A lecture. By John Brown, who gained a wide
fame by writing deliriously appreciative critiques
and rhapsodies upon the great author’s public
readings; and who shook hands with the great author
upon various occasions, and held converse with him
several times.
“Readings from Dickens.” By John
White, who has the great delineator’s style
and manner perfectly, having attended all his readings
in this country and made these things a study, always
practising each reading before retiring, and while
it was hot from the great delineator’s lips.
Upon this occasion Mr. W. will exhibit the remains
of a cigar which he saw Mr. Dickens smoke. This
Relic is kept in a solid silver box made purposely
for it.
“Sights and Sounds of the Great Novelist.”
A popular lecture. By John Gray, who waited
on his table all the time he was at the Grand Hotel,
New York, and still has in his possession and will
exhibit to the audience a fragment of the Last Piece
of Bread which the lamented author tasted in this
country.
