“’Jones, if you don’t
want to be discharged from the Musseum, make the
next primeaveal weppons more careful—you
couldn’t even fool one of these sleepy
old syentific grannys from the Coledge with the last
ones. And mind you the animles you carved
on some of the Bone Ornaments is a blame sight
too good for any primeaveal man that was ever
fooled.—Varnum, Manager.’
“Back of the burial place was a mass of ashes,
showing that Man always had a feast at a funeral—else
why the ashes in such a place; and showing, also,
that he believed in God and the immortality of the
soil —else why these solemn ceremonies?
“To, sum up. We believe that Man had a
written language. We know that he indeed existed
at one time, and is not a myth; also, that he was the
companion of the cave-bear, the mastodon, and other
extinct species; that he cooked and ate them and likewise
the young of his own kind; also, that he bore rude
weapons, and knew something of art; that he imagined
he had a soul, and pleased himself with the fancy
that it was immortal. But let us not laugh;
there may be creatures in existence to whom we and
our vanities and profundities may seem as ludicrous.”
SOME LEARNED FABLES FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
Near the margin of the great river the scientists
presently found a huge, shapely stone, with this inscription:
“In 1847, in the spring, the
river overflowed its banks and covered the whole
township. The depth was from two to six feet.
More than 900 head of cattle were lost, and
many homes destroyed. The Mayor ordered
this memorial to be erected to perpetuate the event.
God spare us the repetition of it!”
With infinite trouble, Professor Woodlouse succeeded
in making a translation of this inscription, which
was sent home, and straightway an enormous excitement
was created about it. It confirmed, in a remarkable
way, certain treasured traditions of the ancients.
The translation was slightly marred by one or two
untranslatable words, but these did not impair the
general clearness of the meaning. It is here
presented:
“One thousand eight hundred and
forty-seven years ago, the (fires?) descended
and consumed the whole city. Only some nine hundred
souls were saved, all others destroyed.
The (king?) commanded this stone to be set up
to . . . (untranslatable) . . . prevent the
repetition of it.”
This was the first successful and satisfactory translation
that had been made of the mysterious character let
behind him by extinct man, and it gave Professor Woodlouse
such reputation that at once every seat of learning
in his native land conferred a degree of the most illustrious
grade upon him, and it was believed that if he had
been a soldier and had turned his splendid talents
