Chief among these, and, indeed, the only one I just
now think of, is their great care while doing business
to avoid disturbing people’s sleep.
Noiseless as they may be while at work, however, the
effect of their visitation is to murder sleep later
on.
Now we are prepared for these visitors. All
sorts of alarm devices have been put in the house,
and the ground for half a mile around it has been
electrified. The burglar who steps within this
danger zone will set loose a bedlam of sounds, and
spring into readiness for action our elaborate system
of defences. As for the fate of the trespasser,
do not seek to know that. He will never be heard
of more.
Addressat the dinner given in honor
of Mr. Clemens, London,
June,
1899
Mr.
Clemens was introduced by Sir Walter Besant.
It does not embarrass me to hear my books praised
so much. It only pleases and delights me.
I have not gone beyond the age when embarrassment
is possible, but I have reached the age when I know
how to conceal it. It is such a satisfaction
to me to hear Sir Walter Besant, who is much more
capable than I to judge of my work, deliver a judgment
which is such a contentment to my spirit.
Well, I have thought well of the books myself, but
I think more of them now. It charms me also
to hear Sir Spencer Walpole deliver a similar judgment,
and I shall treasure his remarks also. I shall
not discount the praises in any possible way.
When I report them to my family they shall lose nothing.
There are, however, certain heredities which come
down to us which our writings of the present day may
be traced to. I, for instance, read the Walpole
Letters when I was a boy. I absorbed them, gathered
in their grace, wit, and humor, and put them away to
be used by-and-by. One does that so unconsciously
with things one really likes. I am reminded
now of what use those letters have been to me.
They must not claim credit in America for what was
really written in another form so long ago.
They must only claim that I trimmed this, that, and
the other, and so changed their appearance as to make
them seem to be original. You now see what modesty
I have in stock. But it has taken long practice
to get it there.
But I must not stand here talking. I merely
meant to get up and give my thanks for the pleasant
things that preceding speakers have said of me.
I wish also to extend my thanks to the Authors’
Club for constituting me a member, at a reasonable
price per year, and for giving me the benefit of your
legal adviser.
