The pawnbroker gave us an old derringer with a bullet
as big as a hickory nut. When he heard that
it was only a poet that was going to kill himself
he did not quibble. Well, we succeeded in sending
a bullet right through his head. It was a terrible
moment when he placed that pistol against his forehead
and stood for an instant. I said, “Oh,
pull the trigger!” and he did, and cleaned out
all the gray matter in his brains. It carried
the poetic faculty away, and now he’s a useful
member of society.
Now, therefore, I realize that there’s no more
beneficent institution than this penny fund of yours,
and I want all the poets to know this. I did
think about writing you a check, but now I think I’ll
send you a few copies of what one of your little members
called ‘Strawberry Finn’.
Addressat A meeting of the Berkeley
lyceum, new York,
November
23, 1900
I don’t suppose that I am called here as an
expert on education, for that would show a lack of
foresight on your part and a deliberate intention to
remind me of my shortcomings.
As I sat here looking around for an idea it struck
me that I was called for two reasons. One was
to do good to me, a poor unfortunate traveller on
the world’s wide ocean, by giving me a knowledge
of the nature and scope of your society and letting
me know that others beside myself have been of some
use in the world. The other reason that I can
see is that you have called me to show by way of contrast
what education can accomplish if administered in the
right sort of doses.
Your worthy president said that the school pictures,
which have received the admiration of the world at
the Paris Exposition, have been sent to Russia, and
this was a compliment from that Government—which
is very surprising to me. Why, it is only an
hour since I read a cablegram in the newspapers beginning
“Russia Proposes to Retrench.” I
was not expecting such a thunderbolt, and I thought
what a happy thing it will be for Russians when the
retrenchment will bring home the thirty thousand Russian
troops now in Manchuria, to live in peaceful pursuits.
I thought this was what Germany should do also without
delay, and that France and all the other nations in
China should follow suit.
Why should not China be free from the foreigners,
who are only making trouble on her soil? If
they would only all go home, what a pleasant place
China would be for the Chinese! We do not allow
Chinamen to come here, and I say in all seriousness
that it would be a graceful thing to let China decide
who shall go there.
China never wanted foreigners any more than foreigners
wanted Chinamen, and on this question I am with the
Boxers every time. The Boxer is a patriot.
He loves his country better than he does the countries
of other people. I wish him success. The
Boxer believes in driving us out of his country.
I am a Boxer too, for I believe in driving him out
of our country.
