Machree!—look at Lucy Stone!—look
at Elizabeth Cady Stanton!—look at George
Francis Train! And, sir, I say it with bowed
head and deepest veneration—look at the
mother of Washington! She raised a boy that could
not tell a lie—could not tell a lie!
But he never had any chance. It might have been
different if he had belonged to the Washington Newspaper
Correspondents’ Club.
I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place
a woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure
to the world. As a sweetheart, she has few equals
and no superiors; as a cousin, she is convenient; as
a wealthy grandmother with an incurable distemper,
she is precious; as a wetnurse, she has no equal among
men.
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without
woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
Then let us cherish her; let us protect her; let
us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy,
ourselves—if we get a chance.
But, jesting aside, Mr. President, woman is lovable,
gracious, kind of heart, beautiful—worthy
of all respect, of all esteem, of all deference.
Not any here will refuse to drink her health right
cordially in this bumper of wine, for each and every
one has personally known, and loved, and honored the
very best one of them all—his own mother.
In 1907 a young girl whom Mr.
Clemens met on the steamer Minnehaha called
him “grandpa,” and he called her his granddaughter.
She was attending St. Timothy’s School, at
Catonsville, Maryland, and Mr. Clemens promised
her to see her graduate. He accordingly
made the journey from New York on June 10,
1909, and delivered a short address.
I don’t know what to tell you girls to do.
Mr. Martin has told you everything you ought to do,
and now I must give you some don’ts.
There are three things which come to my mind which
I consider excellent advice:
First, girls, don’t smoke—that is,
don’t smoke to excess. I am seventy-three
and a half years old, and have been smoking seventy-three
of them. But I never smoke to excess—that
is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
Second, don’t drink—that is, don’t
drink to excess.
Third, don’t marry—I mean, to excess.
Honesty is the best policy. That is an old proverb;
but you don’t want ever to forget it in your
journey through life.
ADDRESS DELIVERED IN NEW YORK, JANUARY 22, 1906
At the twenty-fifth anniversary
of the founding of Tuskeegee Institute by
Booker Washington, Mr. Choate presided, and in introducing
Mr. Clemens made fun of him because he made play his
work, and that when he worked hardest he did so lying
in bed.
I came here in the responsible capacity of policeman
to watch Mr. Choate. This is an occasion of grave
