And Joe would answer: 

“Which one is that, sir?”

“Hummingtop; a great man, I think, Joe.”

“A brainy chap, right enough, sir.”

“He has done wonders for the country.  Listen to this.”  And Mr. Lavender would read as follows:  “If I had fifty sons I would give them all.  If I had forty daughters they should nurse and scrub and weed and fill shells; if I had thirty country-houses they should all be hospitals; if I had twenty pens I would use them all day long; if had ten voices they should never cease to inspire and aid my country.”

“If ’e had nine lives,” interrupted Joe, with a certain suddenness, “’e’d save the lot.”

Mr. Lavender lowered the paper.

“I cannot bear cynicism, Joe; there is no quality so unbecoming to a gentleman.”

“Me and ’im don’t put in for that, sir.”

“Joe, Mr. Lavender would say you are, incorrigible....”

Our gentleman, in common with all worthy of the name, had a bank-book, which, in hopes that it would disclose an unsuspected balance, he would have “made up” every time he read an utterance exhorting people to invest and save their country.

One morning at the end of May, finding there was none, he called in his housekeeper and said: 

“Mrs. Petty, we are spending too much; we have again been exhorted to save.  Listen!  ’Every penny diverted from prosecution of the war is one more spent in the interests of the enemies of mankind.  No patriotic person, I am confident; will spend upon him or herself a stiver which could be devoted to the noble ends so near to all our hearts.  Let us make every spare copper into bullets to strengthen the sinews of war!’ A great speech.  What can we do without?”

“The newspapers, sir.”

“Don’t be foolish, Mrs. Petty.  From what else could we draw our inspiration and comfort in these terrible days?”

Mrs. Petty sniffed.  “Well, you can’t eat less than you do,” she said; “but you might stop feedin’ Blink out of your rations—­that I do think.”

“I have not found that forbidden as yet in any public utterance,” returned Mr. Lavender; “but when the Earl of Betternot tells us to stop, I shall follow his example, you may depend on that.  The country comes before everything.”  Mrs. Petty tossed her head and murmured darkly—­

“Do you suppose he’s got an example, Sir?”

“Mrs. Petty,” replied Mr. Lavender, “that is quite unworthy of you.  But, tell me, what can we do without?”

“I could do without Joe,” responded Mrs. Petty, “now that you’re not using him as chauffeur.”

“Please be serious.  Joe is an institution; besides, I am thinking of offering myself to the Government as a speaker now that we may use gas.”

“Ah!” said Mrs. Petty.

“I am going down about it to-morrow.”

“Indeed, sir!”

“I feel my energies are not fully employed.”