He said that in the fort they had an engineer from New England, who had constructed the traverses, and the embrasures, and the parapets in such a manner as to make everybody within the fort as safe as if he had been at home; and on the other side, the Southerners had an engineer who had been educated in New England, and he had, with his scientific attainments, succeeded in making the batteries of the bombarders as safe as any harvest field, and the bombardment had raged for two whole days, and the fort had been captured, and the garrison had surrendered, and not a man was hurt on either side.  A great triumph for science, and a proud day for New England education.  Said the farmer, “I suppose dat ish all right, but it vouldn’t do to send any of us Pennsylvany fellers down dare to fight mit does pattles.  Like as not ve vould shoost pe fools enough to kill somepody.” [Loud applause and laughter, and cries of “Go on; go on.”]

* * * * *

HOW TO AVOID THE SUBJECT

[Speech of Horace Porter at the seventy-fifth annual dinner of the New England Society in the City of New York, December 22, 1880.  “We have been told here to-night,” said the President, James C. Carter, “that New York has been peopled by pilgrims of various races, and I propose, as our next toast, ‘The Pilgrims of Every Race.’  And I call upon our ever welcome friend, General Horace Porter, for a response.”]

MR. PRESIDENT:—­I am here, like the rest of your guests, to-night, in consequence of these notes of invitation that we have received.  I know it is always more gratifying to an audience for speakers to be able to assure them, in the outset of their remarks, that they are here without notes; but such is not my case.  I received the following: 

“The Committee of Arrangements of the New England Society respectfully invite you to be present at the seventy-fifth anniversary of the Society, and the two hundred and sixtieth of the landing of the Pilgrims at Metropolitan Concert Hall.” [Laughter.]

Such is the ignorance of those of us upon whom Providence did not sufficiently smile to permit us to be born in New England, that I never knew, until I received that note, anything about the landing of the Pilgrims at Metropolitan Concert Hall.  This certainly will be sad news to communicate to those pious people who assembled in Brooklyn last night, and who still rest happy in the belief that the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Church. [Laughter.] From the day they have chosen for the anniversary, it seems very evident that the Pilgrims must have landed somewhere one day before they struck Plymouth Rock. [Laughter.]