I got a ol’ maid auntie, too,
     The worst you ever saw;
  Her eyes ist bore you through and through,—­
     She ain’t a bit like ma.

  She’s ist as slim, as slim can be,
     An’ when you want to slide
  Down on ze balusters, w’y she
     Says ’at she’s harrified.

  She ain’t as nice as Uncle Ben,
     What says ’at little boys
  Won’t never grow to be big men
     Unless they’re fond of noise.

  But muvver’s nicer zan ’em all,
     She calls you, “precious lamb,”
  An’ let’s you roll your ten-pin ball,
     An’ spreads your bread wiz jam.

  An’ when you’re bad, she ist looks sad,
     You fink she’s goin’ to cry;
  An’ when she don’t you’re awful glad,
     An’ den you’re good, Oh, my!

  At night, she takes ze softest hand,
     An’ lays it on your head,
  An’ says “Be off to Sleepy-Land
     By way o’ trundle-bed.”

  So when you fink what muvver knows
     An’ aunts an’ uncle tan’t,
  It skeers a feller; ist suppose
     His muvver ’d been a aunt.

A SONG

  On a summer’s day as I sat by a stream,
     A dainty maid came by,
  And she blessed my sight like a rosy dream,
     And left me there to sigh, to sigh,
     And left me there to sigh, to sigh.

  On another day as I sat by the stream,
     This maiden paused a while,
  Then I made me bold as I told my dream,
     She heard it with a smile, a smile,
     She heard it with a smile, a smile.

  Oh, the months have fled and the autumn’s red,
     The maid no more goes by: 
  For my dream came true and the maid I wed,
     And now no more I sigh, I sigh,
     And now no more I sigh.

DAY

  The gray dawn on the mountain top
     Is slow to pass away. 
  Still lays him by in sluggish dreams,
     The golden God of day.

  And then a light along the hills,
     Your laughter silvery gay;
  The Sun God wakes, a bluebird trills,
  You come and it is day.

TO DAN

  Step me now a bridal measure,
  Work give way to love and leisure,
  Hearts be free and hearts be gay—­
  Doctor Dan doth wed to-day.

  Diagnosis, cease your squalling—­
  Check that scalpel’s senseless bawling,
  Put that ugly knife away—­
  Doctor Dan doth wed to-day.

  ’Tis no time for things unsightly,
  Life’s the day and life goes lightly;
  Science lays aside her sway—­
  Love rules Dr. Dan to-day.

  Gather, gentlemen and ladies,
  For the nuptial feast now made is,
  Swing your garlands, chant your lay
  For the pair who wed to-day.

  Wish them happy days and many,
  Troubles few and griefs not any,
  Lift your brimming cups and say
  God bless them who wed to-day.