The Agony Column eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 97 pages of information about The Agony Column.

The Agony Column eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 97 pages of information about The Agony Column.

Walters came back bearing rich treasure, for in the Agony Column of that day West, his face white with lather, read joyously: 

Strawberry man:  Only the grapefruit lady’s kind heart and her great fondness for mystery and romance move her to answer.  The strawberry-mad one may write one letter a day for seven days—­to prove that he is an interesting person, worth knowing.  Then—­we shall see.  Address:  M. A. L., care Sadie Haight, Carlton Hotel.

All day West walked on air, but with the evening came the problem of those letters, on which depended, he felt, his entire future happiness.  Returning from dinner, he sat down at his desk near the windows that looked out on his wonderful courtyard.  The weather was still torrid, but with the night had come a breeze to fan the hot cheek of London.  It gently stirred his curtains; rustled the papers on his desk.

He considered.  Should he at once make known the eminently respectable person he was, the hopelessly respectable people he knew?  Hardly!  For then, on the instant, like a bubble bursting, would go for good all mystery and romance, and the lady of the grapefruit would lose all interest and listen to him no more.  He spoke solemnly to his rustling curtains.

“No,” he said.  “We must have mystery and romance.  But where—­where shall we find them?”

On the floor above he heard the solid tramp of military boots belonging to his neighbor, Captain Stephen Fraser-Freer, of the Twelfth Cavalry, Indian Army, home on furlough from that colony beyond the seas.  It was from that room overhead that romance and mystery were to come in mighty store; but Geoffrey West little suspected it at the moment.  Hardly knowing what to say, but gaining inspiration as he went along, he wrote the first of seven letters to the lady at the Carlton.  And the epistle he dropped in the post box at midnight follows here: 

Dear lady of the grapefruit:  You are very kind.  Also, you are wise.  Wise, because into my clumsy little Personal you read nothing that was not there.  You knew it immediately for what it was—­the timid tentative clutch of a shy man at the skirts of Romance in passing.  Believe me, old Conservatism was with me when I wrote that message.  He was fighting hard.  He followed me, struggling, shrieking, protesting, to the post box itself.  But I whipped him.  Glory be!  I did for him.

We are young but once, I told him.  After that, what use to signal to Romance?  The lady at least, I said, will understand.  He sneered at that.  He shook his silly gray head.  I will admit he had me worried.  But now you have justified my faith in you.  Thank you a million times for that!

Three weeks I have been in this huge, ungainly, indifferent city, longing for the States.  Three weeks the Agony Column has been my sole diversion.  And then—­through the doorway of the Carlton restaurant—­you came—­

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Project Gutenberg
The Agony Column from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.