With new honours Alma Mater shall eternally be crowned,
When the Ladies march in triumph, and her learned
Then a nobler race of students, and of athletes
Students fair who thirst for knowledge, athletes
true who ‘pots’ despise.
It is well for thee, sweet Clio, at their harmless
tastes to sneer,
At their love of cats and croquet, their antipathy
But as soon as every College has surrendered to the fair,
Life up here will be perfection, we shall breathe
For the problem of past ages will be solved, and
we shall find
The superior powers of woman, both in body and in mind.
She shall teach us how to study, how to ride,
and run, and row;
How to box and play at cricket; how the heavy
weight to throw;
How to shoot the trembling pigeon; how the wily rat
How at football and at racquets; how at whist and
chess to play;
How to drive the rapid tandem; how to jump, and how
(For young women, trust me, Clio, can do something
more than talk)
How to climb the Alps in summer; how in winter time
How to hold the deadly rifle; how a yacht to navigate;
How to make the winning hazard with an effort sure
How to play the maddening comet, how to sing a comic song;
How to ‘utilize’ Professors; how to purify the Cam;
How to brew a sherry cobbler, and to make red-currant jam.
All the arts which now we practise in a desultory way
Shall be taught us to perfection, when we own the
Thus I spake, and strove by speaking to assuage
sweet Clio’s fears;
But she shook her head in sorrow, and departed drowned
 Mr. J. B. Close, a well-known oarsman, stroke of the First Trinity 1st Boat.
[*] [Transcriber’s note: The word “psychroloutes” appears in the original book in Greek. It has been transliterated from the Greek letters psi, upsilon, chi, rho, omicron, lambda, omicron, upsilon, tau, eta, and sigma.]
An Idyll of the Cam.
It was an Undergraduate, his years were
Discretion’s years and wisdom’s teeth he plainly ne’er had seen;
For his step was light and jaunty, and around him wide and far
He puffed the fragrant odours of a casual cigar.
It was a sweet girl-graduate, her years
were thirty two;
Her brow was intellectual, her whole appearance blue;
Her dress was mediaeval, and, as if by way of charm,
Six volumes strapped together she was bearing ’neath her arm.
‘My beautiful Aesthesis,’
the young man rashly cried,
’I am the young Athletes, of Trinity the pride;
I have large estates in Ireland, which ere long
will pay me rent;
I have rooms in Piccadilly, and a farm (unlet) in Kent.