What she said I won’t tell you;
but you married men,
As knows wot it is to be pecked by a hen,
Wot I means yer to guess pretty plainish ’ull find,
When I tells you she gone me “a bit of her mind.”
And now I’m as sober as sober can
And me and my Poll, as we sits down to tea,
Don’t care very far of an evenin’ to roam—
We’re allers so jolly contented at home.
I wears no blue ribbon outside o’
For a pint o’ good ale seems to freshen my throat;
But offer me more and I’m bound to refuse it—
For my Poll’s got a tongue, and her knows how to use it.
So I takes just a pint, when there’s
coppers to spare—
A pint wi’ your dinner ain’t no great affair—
But the time’ o’ the day as suits Polly and me,
Is when we sits down of an evenin’ to tea.
For the young ‘uns sits round us
all smilin’ and clean;
And Sally knits stockings wot’s fit for the Queen;
Little Bill reads a book, and Jemima she sews,
And how happy our home is the parish all knows.
* * * * * *
Now young men and maids, if ye’ll
listen to me,
I’ll give you some counsel all gratis and free—
Young men if you want to be happy in life,
Remember Bill Stumps, and look out for a wife.
Not one o’ them husseys as gossips
And is allers o’ mindin’ of other folk’s matters,
But one as ’ull work, and be gentle and kind,
And as knows when to gi’e you “a bit of her mind.”
Young maids who are willing young wives
Remember, the sweetest of places is home;
But remember, no husband ’ull find his home sweet,
If it ain’t bright and cheerful, and tidy and neat.
If all’s of a mullock and dirty
When he pops home to dinner, he’ll turn rayther crusty;
But be tidy, and careful in cookin’ his grub,
And, I’ll bet what you like, he wont go to the Pub.
So send off the young’uns to school
And when they and faither come home for to dine,
Don’t gi’e ’em cold taters and bacon half-fried,
But a meal as ’ull cheer ’em and warm their inside.
And don’t let the children go roamin’
But keep ’em at home for their faither’s delight;
And I hope you may all be as happy and jolly,
In your Bedfordshire homes, as Bill Stumps and his Polly!
 Bedfordshire for Luncheon.