Where ages ago I delighted to row for
and praise of my College.
I feel every muscle engaged in the tussle,
the wild shouting and screaming;
And as we return I can see from the stern
Margaret’s red banner streaming;
Till I wake with a start, such as nightmares
and find myself rapidly gliding,
And striving in vain at my ease to remain
seat that is constantly sliding.
Institutions are changed, men and manners
deranged, new systems of rowing and reading,
And writing and thinking, and eating and
each other are quickly succeeding.
Who knows to what end these new notions
tend? No doubt all the world is progressing,
For Kenealy and Odgers, those wide-awake
the wrongs of mankind are redressing.
No doubt we shall soon take a trip to
if we need recreation or frolic;
Or fly to the stars in the New Pullman
when we find the dull earth melancholic.
We shall know the delights of enjoying
rights without any duties to vex us;
We shall know the unknown; the Philosopher’s
stone shall be ours, and no problems perplex us;
For all shall be patent, no mysteries
man’s mind by intuitive notion,
The circle shall square, x and
y shall declare,
and discover perpetual motion.
Meanwhile till the Earth has accomplished
birth, mid visions of imminent glory,
I prefer to remain, as aforetime, a plain
bloated and bigoted Tory.
* * * * *
Dear Mr. Editor, lately my creditor, now fully
paid and my debtor,
I wonder what you will be minded to do,
you get this rhapsodical letter.
If you listen to me (I shall charge you
for advice) do not keep or return it;
To its merits be kind, to its faults rather
in a word, Mr. Editor, burn it!
 ‘iam fervenimus usque ad umbilicos.’ Martial iv. 91.
(OR, WHAT SHOULD A MAIDEN BE?)
[NOTE.—The following lines
were written by request,
to be read at a Meeting of the “Girls’ Friendly Society.”]
What should a maiden be? Pure as
Ere it has left its first home in the hill;
Thinking no evil, suspecting no guile,
Cherishing nought that can harm or defile.
What should a maiden be? Honest
Giving to God and to neighbour their due;
Modest and merciful, simple and neat,
Clad in the white robe of innocence sweet.