Where ages ago I delighted to row for the honour
      and praise of my College.

  I feel every muscle engaged in the tussle, I hear
      the wild shouting and screaming;

  And as we return I can see from the stern Lady
      Margaret’s red banner streaming;

  Till I wake with a start, such as nightmares impart,
      and find myself rapidly gliding,

  And striving in vain at my ease to remain on a
      seat that is constantly sliding.

  Institutions are changed, men and manners
      deranged, new systems of rowing and reading,

  And writing and thinking, and eating and drinking,
      each other are quickly succeeding.

  Who knows to what end these new notions will
      tend?  No doubt all the world is progressing,

  For Kenealy and Odgers, those wide-awake dodgers,
      the wrongs of mankind are redressing.

  No doubt we shall soon take a trip to the moon,
      if we need recreation or frolic;

  Or fly to the stars in the New Pullman Cars,
      when we find the dull earth melancholic.

  We shall know the delights of enjoying our
      rights without any duties to vex us;

  We shall know the unknown; the Philosopher’s
      stone shall be ours, and no problems perplex us;

  For all shall be patent, no mysteries latent;
      man’s mind by intuitive notion,

  The circle shall square, x and y shall declare,
      and discover perpetual motion.

  Meanwhile till the Earth has accomplished its
      birth, mid visions of imminent glory,

  I prefer to remain, as aforetime, a plain and
      bloated and bigoted Tory.

        * * * * * *
  Dear Mr. Editor, lately my creditor, now fully
      paid and my debtor,

  I wonder what you will be minded to do, when
      you get this rhapsodical letter.

  If you listen to me (I shall charge you no fee
      for advice) do not keep or return it;

  To its merits be kind, to its faults rather blind;
      in a word, Mr. Editor, burn it!

  (1875).

[1] ‘iam fervenimus usque ad umbilicos.’  Martial iv. 91.

SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS

  (OR, WHAT SHOULD A MAIDEN BE?)

  [NOTE.—­The following lines were written by request,
  to be read at a Meeting of the “Girls’ Friendly Society.”]

  What should a maiden be?  Pure as the rill,
  Ere it has left its first home in the hill;
  Thinking no evil, suspecting no guile,
  Cherishing nought that can harm or defile.

  What should a maiden be?  Honest and true,
  Giving to God and to neighbour their due;
  Modest and merciful, simple and neat,
  Clad in the white robe of innocence sweet.