CHARIVARIA.

“After all,” asks a writer, “why shouldn’t Ireland have a Parliament, like England?” Quite frankly we do not like this idea of retaliation while more humane methods are still unexplored.

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“The miners’ strike,” says a music-hall journal, “has given one song-writer the idea for a ragtime song.”  It is only fair to say that Mr. Smillie had no idea that his innocent little manoeuvre would lead to this.

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The Admiralty does not propose to publish an official account of the Battle of Jutland.  Indeed the impression is gaining ground that this battle will have to be cancelled.

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We are asked to deny that, following upon the publication of Mirrors of Downing Street, by “A Gentleman with a Duster,” Lord Kenyon is about to dedicate to Sir Claude Champion de CRESPIGNY a book entitled A Peer with a Knuckle-Duster.

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“Mr. Lloyd George seems to have had his hair ‘bobbed’ recently,” says a gossip-writer in a Sunday paper.  Mr. Hodges still sticks to the impression that it was really two-bobbed.

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“Cigars discovered in the possession of Edward Fischer, in New York,” says a news item, “were found to contain only tobacco.”  Very rarely do we come across a case like that in England.

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“Water,” says a member of the L.C.C., “is being sold at a loss.”  But not in our whisky, we regret to say.

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What is claimed to be the largest shell ever made has been turned out by the Hecla Works, Sheffield.  It may shortly be measured for a war to fit it.

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A taxi-driver who knocked a man down in Gracechurch Street has summoned him for using abusive language.  It seems a pity that pedestrians cannot be knocked down without showing their temper like this.

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After months of experiment at Thames Ditton the question of an artificial limb of light metal has been solved.  It is said to be just the thing for Tube-travellers to carry as a spare.

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In connection with Mr. PRINGLE’S recent visit to Ireland we are asked to say that he was not sent there as a reprisal.

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Mr. George LANSBURY recently told a Poplar audience why he went to Australia many years ago.  No explanation was offered of his return.

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A coal-porter summoned for income-tax at West Ham Police Court said that his wages averaged eight hundred pounds a year.  We think it only fair to say that there must be labouring men here and there who earn even less than that.

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“The thief,” says a weekly paper report, “entered the house by way of the front-door.”  We can only suppose that the burglars’ entrance was locked at the time.

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