In various ways do various men invite misfortune’s rods,—­
  Some row within their College boat,—­some Logic read for Mods.: 
  But oh! of all the human ills our happiness that mar
  I do not know the equal of a Bronchial Catarrh!

PENSEES DE NOEL

  When the landlord wants the rent
  Of your humble tenement,
  When the Christmas bills begin
  Daily, hourly pouring in,
  When you pay your gas and poor rate,
  Tip the rector, fee the curate,
  Let this thought your spirit cheer—­
  Christmas comes but once a year.

  When the man who brings the coal
  Claims his customary dole: 
  When the postman rings and knocks
  For his usual Christmas-box: 
  When you’re dunned by half the town
  With demands for half-a-crown,—­
  Think, although they cost you dear,
  Christmas comes but once a year.

  When you roam from shop to shop,
  Seeking, till you nearly drop,
  Christmas cards and small donations
  For the maw of your relations,
  Questing vainly ’mid the heap
  For a thing that’s nice, and cheap: 
  Think, and check the rising tear,
  Christmas comes but once a year.

  Though for three successive days
  Business quits her usual ways,
  Though the milkman’s voice be dumb,
  Though the paper doesn’t come;
  Though you want tobacco, but
  Find that all the shops are shut: 
  Bravely still your sorrows bear—­
  Christmas comes but once a year.

  When mince-pies you can’t digest
  Join with waits to break your rest: 
  When, oh when, to crown your woe,
  Persons who might better know
  Think it needful that you should
  Don a gay convivial mood;—­
    Bear with fortitude and patience
    These afflicting dispensations: 
    Man was born to suffer here: 
    Christmas comes but once a year.

AD LECTIONEM SUAM

  When Autumn’s winds denude the grove,
    I seek my Lecture, where it lurks
  ’Mid the unpublished portion of
    My works,

  And ponder, while its sheets I scan,
    How many years away have slipt
  Since first I penned that ancient man-
    uscript.

  I know thee well—­nor can mistake
    The old accustomed pencil stroke
  Denoting where I mostly make
    A joke,—­

  Or where coy brackets signify
    Those echoes faint of classic wit
  Which, if a lady’s present, I
    Omit.

  Though Truth enlarge her widening range,
    And Knowledge be with time increased,
  While thou, my Lecture! dost not change
    The least,

  But fixed immutable amidst
    The advent of a newer lore,
  Maintainest calmly what thou didst
    Before: 

  Though still malignity avows
    That unsuccessful candidates
  To thee ascribe their frequent ploughs
    In Greats—­