* * * * *

=Suspended Animation.=

    “Laundry.—­Girl to hang up and make herself useful.”—­Liverpool
    Echo.

* * * * *

“For myself, I have very good reasons for not being in khaki.  I live on a farm near the Grand Falls of the St. John River.  These falls are second to Niagara in size and splendour, and attract visitors from all over the country.”—­Canadian Paper.

He must have told the recruiting-officer that he was subject to cataract.

* * * * *

=T.M.G.=

  Farewell, my Constantine!  A guardian navy
  Facilitates your exit on the blue;
  For Greece has been this long while in the gravy
  And he that put her there was plainly you;
  “Tino must go!” was writ for all to see,
  Or, briefly, “T.M.G.”

  Whither, dear Sir, do you propose to sally? 
  To Switzerland’s recuperative air,
  To sip condensed milk in a private chalet
  Or pluck the lissom chamois from his lair,
  Or on the summit of a neutral Alp
  Recline your crownless scalp?

  Or did you ask from him you love so dearly
  A royal haven fenced from rude alarms,
  Even though William should reserve you merely
  A bedroom at “The Hohenzollern Arms,”
  Having for poor relations on the loose
  No sort of further use?

  Beware!  I gather he might clasp his Tino
  Only too warmly to his heaving chest,
  Saying, “O how reward such merits? We know! 
  Thou shalt command an Army in the West! 
  Yes, thou shalt bear upon the British Front
  The pick of all the brunt.”

  Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn’t chance it. 
  Fighting has never really been your forte;
  Witness Larissa, and your rapid transit,
  Chivied by slow foot-sloggers of the Porte;
  Far better make for Denmark o’er the foam;
  There is no place like home.

  Try some ancestral palace, well-appointed;
  For choice the one where Hamlet nursed his spite,
  Who found the times had grown a bit disjointed
  And he was not the man to put ’em right;
  And there consult on that enchanted shore
  The ghosts of Elsinore.

O.S.

* * * * *

=Lessons of the war.=

I.

(Acting upon instructions received from the 3rd Self-help Division the 9th Self-help Brigade issues its orders for a Raid.)

  9TH SELF-HELP BRIGADE OPERATION ORDER No. 49.
  August 1st, 1920.

Ref.  Maps.  LONDON 1/40000 shoot 27^d S.W. and (Special) 1/500 (BROADMEAD).

1.  The 9th Self-help Brigade will carry out a Raid upon BROADMEAD HOUSE, BROADMEAD SQUARE, W., on the night of 12/13 August.