Capt.  H. (Confused).  But it’s the right thing to do.  Look at the Sunday papers.  Missing relatives on top page—­all proper. (Looks unhappy.)

Bessie (Tartly).  Ah, well!  I declare I don’t know what you live on.

Capt.  H. Are you getting impatient, my dear?  Don’t get impatient—­like my poor wife.  If she’d only been patient she’d be here.  Waiting.  Only one day more. (Pleadingly.) Don’t be impatient, my dear.

Bessie.  I’ve no patience with you sometimes.

Capt.  H. (Flash of lucidity).  Why?  What’s the matter? (Sympathetic.)
You’re tired out, my dear, that’s what it is.

Bessie.  Yes, I am.  Day after day. (Stands listless, arms hanging down.)

Capt.  H. (Timidly).  House dull?

Bessie (Apathetic).  Yes.

Capt.  H. (As before).  H’m.  Wash, cook, scrub.  Hey?

Bessie (As before).  Yes.

Capt.  H. (Pointing stealthily at the sleeping Carvil).  Heavy?

Bessie. (In a dead voice).  Like a millstone.

(A silence.)

Capt.  H. (Burst of indignation).  Why don’t that extravagant fellow get you a servant?

Bessie.  I don’t know.

Capt.  H. (Cheerily).  Wait till Harry comes home.  He’ll get you one.

Bessie (Almost hysterical; laughs).  Why, Captain Hagberd, perhaps your son won’t even want to look at me—­when he comes home.

Capt.  H. (In a great voice).  What! (Quite low.) The boy wouldn’t dare. (Rising choler.) Wouldn’t dare to refuse the only sensible girl for miles around.  That stubborn jackanapes refuse to marry a girl like you! (Walks about in a fury.) You trust me, my dear, my dear, my dear.  I’ll make him.  I’ll--I’ll -------- (Splutters.) Cut him off with a shilling.

Bessie.  Hush! (Severe.) You mustn’t talk like that.  What’s this?  More of your tantrums?

Capt.  H. (Quite humble).  No, no—­this isn’t my tantrums—­when I don’t feel quite well in my head.  Only I can’t stand this...  I’ve grown as fond of you as if you’d been the wife of my Harry already.

And to be told-------- (Cant restrain himself; shouts.)

Jackanapes!

Bessie.  Sh--------!  Don’t you worry! (Wearily.)

I must give that up too, I suppose. (Aloud.) I didn’t mean it, Captain Hagberd.

Capt.  H. It’s as if I were to have two children to-morrow.  My son
Harry--and the only sensible girl--------.  Why, my dear, I couldn’t get
on without you.  We two are reasonable together.  The rest of the
people in this town are crazy.  The way they stare at you.  And the
grins—­they’re all on the grin.  It makes me dislike to go
out. (Bewildered.) It seems as if there was something wrong
about—­somewhere.  My dear, is there anything wrong—­you who are
sensible.. .

Bessie (Soothingly tender).  No, no, Captain Hagberd.  There is nothing wrong about you anywhere.