Our Deportment eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 348 pages of information about Our Deportment.

No lady worthy any gentleman’s regard will say “no” twice to a suit which she intends ultimately to receive with favor.  A lady should be allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind; and if the gentleman grows impatient at the delay, he is always at liberty to insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his impatience.

A LADY’S POSITIVE REFUSAL.

A lady who really means “no” should be able to so say it as to make her meaning unmistakable.  For her own sake and that of her suitor, if she really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive, yet kind and dignified, and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being final.

TRIFLING WITH A LADY.

A man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner.  It is most unfair to a lady.  He has no right to trifle with her feelings for mere sport, nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a jest.

A DOUBTFUL ANSWER.

Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer given under the plea of sparing the suitor’s feelings.  It raises false hopes.  It renders a man restless and unsettled.  It may cause him to express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless.

HOW TO TREAT A REFUSAL.

As a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her, so no sensible man will think the worse of her, nor feel himself personally injured by a refusal.  That it will give him pain is most probable.  A scornful “no” or a simpering promise to “think about it” is the reverse of generous.

In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor intended her by the gentleman, and to add, seriously but not offensively, that it is not in accordance with her inclination, or that circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer.

UNLADYLIKE CONDUCT TOWARD A SUITOR.

It is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the eyes of friends.  Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of the offer she had received and rejected.  Such an offer is a privileged communication.  The secret of it should be held sacred.  No true lady will ever divulge to anyone, unless it may be to her mother, the fact of such an offer.  It is the severest breach of honor to do so.  A lady who has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second opportunity for thus boasting.

No true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to throw a cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress, or abusing his confidence, must be inexpressibly painful to her.

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Our Deportment from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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