Our Deportment eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 348 pages of information about Our Deportment.

It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance.  A lady who would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the discretion needed to make a good wife.

THOROUGH ACQUAINTANCE AS A BASIS FOR MARRIAGE.

Perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage.  There should be thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon.

PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP.

It is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship and proposal.  In France it is the business of the parents to settle all preliminaries.  In England the young man asks the consent of the parents to pay addresses to their daughter.  In this country the matter is left almost entirely to the young people.

It seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to engagement.  Thus, a man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may discover before any promise binds them to each other, that they are entirely unsuited to one another, when he may, with perfect propriety and without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his attentions.

Certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage.  While there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course, still, in this country, with our social customs, it is deemed best in most cases not to be too strict in this regard.  Each case has its own peculiar circumstances which must govern it, and it seems at least pardonable if the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of the most interested party, before he submits himself to the cooler judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother, who are not by any means in love with him, and who may possibly regard him with a somewhat jealous eye, as having already monopolized their daughter’s affections, and now desires to take her away from them altogether.

PARENTS SHOULD EXERCISE AUTHORITY OVER DAUGHTERS.

Parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their daughter’s associates, and they should exercise their authority so far as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances.  In regulating the social relations of their daughter, parents should bear in mind the possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come in frequent contact.  Therefore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be excluded as far as practicable from her society.

A WATCHFUL CARE REQUIRED BY PARENTS.

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Our Deportment from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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