Wheniver ther’s a knock at th’ door, yo may ventur to put yor hand i’ yor pocket; an’ happy he must feel ’at can allus find as mich thear as’ll do.  But its time enuff to think abaat that sooart o’ thing when it comes; we’ve plenty to do nah to think abaat plum pudding an’ rooast beef—­an’ aw hooap at iverybody ‘at reads this may have enuff an’ to spare.  If aw could do owt to help yo to enjoy yorsen, awm sure aw wod, but as that’s aat o’ mi paar, just afoor aw leave for another twelve months aw’ll gie yo a tooast, an’ aw hooap yo’ll all drink a bumper to it.  Here gooas!  Fill up to th’ brim!  Are yo ready?  Here’s off!

   God bless ivery one raand yor table
   Wi’ plenty to ait an’ to spare;
   God bless yo an’ mak yo all able
   To enjoy what may fall to yor share. 
   God bless yo wi health an’ wi riches,
   God bless yo wi hearts ’at can feel
   For the poor, when cold poverty twitches. 
   God bless them sometimes wi’ a meal. 
   God bless them ‘at’s climbin’ life’s mountain,
   Full ov hooaps ’at they niver may craan,
   An’ refresh from Thy cool soothin’ fountain,
   Those who paddle resignedly daan. 
   An’ tho’ in death’s mist-shrouded valley
   Our friends we may lose for a while,
   God grant that at last all may rally
   Where sunleet shall fade in His smile.

Gooid-bye!

Scientific

After the annual excursion of the Lowly Dale Scientific Society, the members were addressed by Mr. Evertrot Gagthorp.  New specimens, the product of their recent journey, now enrich the Museum:  viz.  In Geology—­Limestone, pumice stone, soft stone, white stone, plum stone, and cherry stone.  Conchology—­Egg shell Tortoise shell nut shell and satchel.  Botany—­Corn flour, grog blossom, and many leaves from the book of nature.  Entomology—­a swallow tail had been obtained, but the president going to a dress party, had got the loan of it.

Valentine Dream

“On Valentine’s day, will a gooid gooise lay,” is a varry old sayin’, an’ aw dare say a varry gooid en; an’ if all th’ geese wod nobbut lay o’ that day ther’d be moor chonce o’ eggs bein’ cheap.  But it isn’t th’ geese we think on at th’ fourteenth o’ this month i’ts th’ little ducks, an’ th’ billy dux.  A’a aw wish aw’d all th’ brass ’at’s spent o’ valentines for one year; aw wodn’t thank th’ queen to be mi aunt.  Ther’s nobdy sends me valentines nah.  Aw’ve known th’ time when they did, but aw’m like a old stage cooach, aw’m aat o’ date.  Aw’st niver forget th’ furst valentine aw had sent.  Th’ pooastman browt it afoor aw’d getten aat o’ bed, an’ it happen’d to be Sunday mornin’.  Aw read it ovver an’ ovver agean, an’ aw luk’d at th’ directions an’ th’ pooast mark, but aw cudn’t make aat for mi life who’d sent it; but whoiver it war aw wor detarmined to fall i’ love wi’ her as soain as aw