I accused myself, so that I might no longer accuse
her. I studied my malady; I knew quite well that
I was wrong, and I wished to be wrong, I measured
the stupidity and the disgrace of such suspicions,
and, nevertheless, in spite of everything, they assailed
me again, watched me traitorously and I was carried
away and devoured by them.
Ah! Was there in the whole world, even among
the most wretched beggars that were dying of starvation,
whom nature squeezes in a vice, as it were, or among
the victims of love, anybody who could say that he
was more wretched than I?
This morning Count de Saulnac, who was lunching here,
told us a terrible story of a rape, for which a man
is to be tried in a few days.
A charming girl of eighteen grew languid, and became
so pale and morose, her cheeks were so wax-like, her
eyes so sunken and she had altogether such a look
of anemia, that her parents grew uneasy and took her
to a doctor who lived near them. He examined
her carefully, said vaguely what was the matter with
her, spoke of an illness that required assiduous care
and attention, and advised the worthy couple to bring
the poor girl to him every day for a month.
As they were not well off enough to keep a servant,
and each had their work to attend to, the husband
as an employee in a public office and his wife as
cashier in a milliner’s shop, and did not dream
of any evil, and were further reassured by the charitable,
unctuous and austere looks of the doctor, they allowed
their daughter to go and consult him by herself.
The old man made much of her, tried to make her get
over her shyness, adroitly made her tell him all about
her usual life, took a long time in sounding her chest,
helped her to dress and undress, in a very paternal
way, gave her a potion and was so thoughtful and caressing,
that the poor girl blushed and felt quite uncomfortable
at it all. He soon saw that he should obtain
nothing from her innocence, but that she would resist
his slightest attempts at improper familiarity, and
as he was extremely taken with the delicate and amusing
girl, and with her charming person, the wretch sent
her to sleep with a few magnetic passes, and outraged
her.
She awoke without being conscious of what had happened,
and only felt rather more listless than usual, like
she used to do when there was thunder in the air.
From that time, the doctor put longer intervals between
her visits, and soon, after having prescribed insignificant
remedies for her, he told her that she was quite cured,
and that there was no occasion for her to come and
see him any more. Two months passed, and the
girl, who at first had seemed much better and more
lively, relapsed into a state of prostration which
had so alarmed them, dragged herself about more than
she walked, and seemed to be succumbing under some
heavy burden.
As they had not paid the old doctor’s bill,
and as they were afraid that he would ask them for
it if they went to see him again, her father took
the girl to Beaujon, and they thought that he should
have gone mad with despair and shame when one of the
house-surgeons, without mincing his words, told them
in a chaffing manner, that she was in the family way.
