* * * * *
ON SIR EDWARD LYTTON BULWER, BART., not M.P. FOR LINCOLN.
That Bulwer’s from fair Lincoln
Doth threaten evil days;
For, having much waste time on hand,
Alas! he’ll scribble plays.
* * * * *
THE NEW HOUSE.
“This is the House that Jack (Bull) built.”
Once there lived, as old histories learnedly
Great sailor and shipbuilder, named MISTER NOAH,
Who a hulk put together, so wondrous—no doubt of it—
That all sorts of creatures could creep in and out of it.
Things with heads, and without heads, things dumb, things loquacious,
Things with tails, and things tail-less, things tame, and things pugnacious;
Rats, lions, curs, geese, pigeons, toadies and donkeys,
Bears, dormice, and snakes, tigers, jackals, and monkeys:
In short, a collection so curious, that no man
E’er since could with NOAH compare as a show-man
At length, JOHNNY BULL, with that clever fat head of his,
Design’d a much stranger and comical edifice,
To be call’d his “NEW HOUSE”—a queer sort of menagerie
To hold all his beasts—with an eye to the Treasury.
Into this he has cramm’d such uncommon monstrosities,
Such animals rare, such unique curiosities,
That we wager a CROWN—not to speak it uncivil—
This HOUSE of BULL’S beats Noah’s Ark to the devil.
Lest you think that we bounce—the great fault, we confess, of men—
We proceed to detail some few things, as a specimen
Of what are to be found in this novel museum;
As it opens next month, you may all go and see ’em.
Five Woods, of five shades, grain, and polish, and gilding,
Are used this diversified chamber in building.
Not a nail, bolt, or screw, you’ll discover to lurk in it,
Though six Smiths you will find every evening at work in it.
A Forman and Master you’ll see there appended too,
Whose words or instructions are never attended to.
A Leader, whom nobody follows; a pair o’ Knights,
With courage at ninety degrees of old Fahrenheit’s;
Full a hundred “Jim Crows,” wheeling round about—round about,
Yet only one Turner’s this House to be found about.
Of hogs-heads, Lord knows, there are plenty to spare of them,
But only one Cooper is kept to take care of them.
A Ryder’s maintain’d, but he’s no horse to get upon;
There’s a Packe too, and only one Pusey to set upon.
Two Palmers are kept, holy men, in this ill, grim age,
To make every night their Conservative pilgrimage.
A Fuller, for scouring old coats and redressing them;
A Taylor to fashion; and Mangles for pressing them.