Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.


“Deliver me from the devil,” cried the Squire, “is it possible that a magistrate, or what d’ye call him, green as a fig, should appear no better than an ass in your worship’s eyes?  By the Lord, I’ll give you leave to pluck off every hair of my beard if that be the case.”

“Then I tell thee,” said the master, “he is as certainly a he ass as I am Don Quixote and thou Sancho Panza, at least so he seems to me.”—­Don Quixote.


  Shall hair that on a crown has place
  Become the subject of a case?

  The fundamental law of nature
  Be over-ruled by those made after?
       * * * * *
  ’Tis we that can dispose alone
  Whether your heirs (hairs) shall be your own.



Sir Peter Laurie passes so quickly from hyper-loyalty to downright treason, that he is an insolvable problem.  As wigs were once worn out of compliment to a monarch, so when the Queen expects a little heir, Sir Peter causes a gentleman, over whom he has an accidental influence, to have a little hair too.  But oh the hypocrite! the traitor! he at the same time gives a shilling to have the ha(e)ir cut off from the crown.  It is quite time to look to the

[Illustration:  HEIR PRESUMPTIVE.]

* * * * *


PUNCH begs to state that, owing to the immense press of matter on hand, the following contributions only can expect insertion in the body of PUNCH during the whole of next week.  Contributors are requested to send early—­carriage paid.

N.B.—­PUNCH does not pledge himself for the return of any article.

TURKEYS—­for which PUNCH undertakes to find cuts, and plates—­unlimited.

SAUSAGES, to match the above.  Mem.—­no undue preference, or Bill Monopoly.  Epping and Norfolk equally welcome.

MINCE PIES, per dozen—­thirteen as twelve.  No returns.

“OH, THE ROAST BEEF OF OLD ENGLAND,” with additional verses, capable of various encores.

PUDDINGS received from ten till four.  PUNCH makes his own sauce; the chief ingredient is brandy, which he is open to receive per bottle or dozen.

LARGE HAMPERS containing small turkeys, &c., may be pleasantly filled with lemons, candied citron, and lump sugar.


(Private and confidential, quite unknown to Judy.)

BRYANT has had orders to suspend a superb Mistletoe bough in the publishing-office.  PUNCH will be in attendance from daylight till dusk.  To prevent confusion, the salutes will he distributed according to the order of arrival.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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