Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

In 1804, a shipwrecked mariner, who was thrown on to the celebrated mud-island of Coromandel, lived for three weeks upon his own wearing apparel.  He first sucked all the goodness out of his jacket, and the following day dashed his buttons violently against the rock in order to soften them.  He next cut pieces from his trousers, as tailors do when they want cabbage, and found them an excellent substitute for that salubrious vegetable.  He was in the act of munching his boots for breakfast one morning, when he was fortunately picked up by his Majesty’s schooner Cutaway.

In the year ’95, the crew of the brig Terrible lost all their provisions, except a quantity of candles.  After these were gone, they took a plank out of the side of the vessel and sliced it, which was their board for a whole fortnight.

After these startling and particularly well-authenticated facts, it would be absurd to deny that there is no reason for taking into consideration the comparatively trifling distress that is now prevalent.

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THE FASTEST MAN.

“A person named Meara,” says the Galway Advertiser, “confined for debt some time since in our town jail, fasted sixteen days!”

Sibthorp says this is an excellent illustration of hard and fast, and entitles the gentleman to be placed at

[Illustration:  THE SUMMIT OF HIS PROFESSION.]

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SIBTHORPS CON.  CORNER.

Dear PUNCH,—­Have you seen the con.  I made the other day?  I transcribe it for you:—­

  “Though Wealth’s neglect and Folly’s taunt
    Conspire to distress the poor,
  Pray can you tell me why sharp want
    Can ne’er approach the pauper’s door”

D’Orsay has rhymed the following answer:—­

“The merest child might wonder how The pauper e’er sharp wants can know, When, spite of cruel Fortune’s taunts, Blunt is the sharpest of his wants.”

Yours sincerely and comically,

SIBTHORP.

P.S.—­Let BRYANT call for his Christmas-box.

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THE COPPER CAPTAIN.

At the public meeting at Hammersmith for the purpose of taking into consideration the propriety of lighting the roads, in the midst of a most animated discussion, Captain Atcherly proposed an adjournment of the said meeting; which proposition being strongly negatived by a small individual, Captain Atcherly quietly pointed to an open window, made a slight allusion to the hardness of the pavement, and finally achieved the exit of the dissentient by whistling

[Illustration:  MY FRIEND AND PITCHER.]

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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