Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

TEN MINUTES’ ADVICE ON THE CARE AND USE OF A HUSBAND;

or “what to ask, and how to insist upon it, so that the obstreperous bridegroom may become a meek and humble husband.”

SPECIMEN OF THE WORK.

Husband.—­A person who writes cheques, and dresses as his wife directs.

Duck, in ornithology.—­A trussed bridegroom, with his giblets under his arm.

Brute.—­A domestic endearment for a husband.

Marriage.—­The only habit to which women are constant.

Lover.—­Any young man but a brother-in-law.

Clergyman.—­One alternative of a lover.

Brother.—­The other alternative.

Honeymoon.—­A wife’s opportunity.

Horrid; Hideous.—­Terms of admiration elicited by the sight of a lovely face anywhere but in the looking-glass.

Nice; Dear.—­Expressions of delight at anything, from a baby to a barrel-organ.

Appetite.—­A monstrous abortion, which is stifled in the kitchen, that it may not exist during dinner.

Wrinkle.—­The first thing one lady sees in another’s face.

Time.—­What any lady remarks in a watch, but what none detect in the gross.

* * * * *

SOUP, A LA JULIEN.

A correspondent of the Sunday Times proposes to raise ten thousand for the benefit of the labouring classes, in the following manner:—­

“Upon a prima facie view, my suggestion may appear impracticable, but I am sure the above amount could be raised for the benefit of the labouring classes by one effort of royalty—­an effort that would make our valued Queen invaluable, and, at the same time, afford the Ministry an opportunity of making themselves popular in the cause of their country’s good.  Westminster Hall is acknowledged to be the largest room in the empire, and, with very little expense, might be fitted up with a temporary throne, &c., for promenade concerts, for one, two, or three, days.  All the vocal and instrumental talent of the day would be obtained gratis, and Her Most Gracious Majesty’s presence, for only two hours on each day, with the admission tickets at one guinea, would produce more money than I have mentioned.”  Would the above amiable philanthropist favour us with his likeness?  We imagine it would be a splendid

[Illustration:  FANCY PORTRAIT OF HOOKEY WALKER.]

* * * * *

POLITICAL INTELLIGENCE.

SIR ROBERT PEEL was observed to put a penny into the hands of the man at the crossing in Downing-street.  It is anticipated, from this trifling circumstance, that sweeping measures will be introduced on the assembling of Parliament.

A deputation from the marrow-bones and cleavers waited on Lord Stanley at the Treasury.  His lordship listened attentively for some minutes, and then abruptly left the apartment in which he had been sitting.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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