Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

The mirth proceeds, and, ere long, gives place to harmony; and when the cookery is finished, the bird is speedily converted into an anatomical preparation,—­albeit her interarticular cartilages are somewhat tough, and her lateral ligaments apparently composed of a substance between leather and caoutchouc.  As afternoon advances, the porter of the dissecting-room finds them performing an incantation dance round Mr. Muff, who, seated on a stool placed upon two of the tressels, is rattling some halfpence in a skull, accompanied by Mr. Rapp, who is performing a difficult concerto on an extempore instrument of his own invention, composed of the Scotchman’s hat, who is still grinding in the Museum, and the identical thigh-bone that assisted to hang Mr. Muff’s patriarchal old hen!

* * * * *


“The times are hard,” say the knowing ones.  “Hard” indeed they must be when we find a DOCTOR advertising for a situation as WET-NURSE.  The following appeared in the Times of Wednesday last, under the head of “Want Places.”  “As wet-nurse, a respectable person.  Direct to DOCTOR P——­, C——­ Common, Surrey.”  What next?

* * * * *



The Giant’s Stairs.


“‘Well,’ says he, ’you’re a match for me any day; and sooner than be shut up again in this dismal ould box, I’ll give you what you ask for my liberty.  And the three best gifts I possess are, this brown cap, which while you wear it will render you invisible to the fairies, while they are all visible to you; this box of salve, by rubbing some of which to your lips, you will have the power of commanding every fairy and spirit in the world to obey your will; and, lastly, this little kippeen[1], which at your word may be transformed into any mode of conveyance you wish.  Besides all this, you shall come with me to my palace, where all the treasures of the earth shall be at your disposal.  But mind, I give you this caution, that if you ever permit the brown cap or the kippeen to be out of your possession for an instant, you’ll lose them for ever; and if you suffer any person to touch your lips while you remain in the underground kingdom, you will instantly become visible, and your power over the fairies will be at an end.’

    [1] A little stick.

“‘Well,’ thinks I, ‘there’s nothing so very difficult in that.’  So having got the cap, the kippeen, and the box of salve, into my possession, I opened the box, and out jumped the little fellow.

“‘Now, Felix,’ says he, ’touch your lips with the salve, for we are just at the entrance of my dominions.’

“I did as he desired me, and, Dharra Dhie! if the little chap wasn’t changed into a big black-looking giant, sitting afore my eyes on a great rock.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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