Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

We have been enabled, through a private source, to obtain the following authentic copy of Sir Robert’s scale of the offences under the intended Act, with the penalty attached to each, viz.: 

For penny rolls or busters Imprisonment not exceeding a
week.

For bread of any kind, with Imprisonment for a month.
cheese or butter

For saveloys, German sausages,     One month’s imprisonment, with
and Black puddings                 hard labour.
For a slice of ham, bacon, or      Imprisonment for three months,
meat of any kind                   and exercise on the treadmill.

    For a hearty dinner on beef and Transportation for seven years.
      pudding

    For do. with a pot of home-brewed Transportation for life.
      ale.

As these offences apply only to those who have no right to eat, the wealthy and respectable portion of society need be under no apprehension that they will be exposed to any inconvenience by the operation of the new law.

* * * * *

NOBODY CARES AND*

WELLINGTON has justified his claim to the sobriquet of ‘the iron Duke’ by the manner in which he treated the deputation from Paisley.  His Grace excused himself from listening to the tale of misery which several gentlemen had travelled 500 miles to narrate to him, on the plea that he was not a Minister of the Crown.  Yet we have a right to presume that the Queen prorogued Parliament upon his Grace’s recommendation, so if he be not one of Peel’s Cabinet what is he?  We suppose

[Illustration:  * NOBODY NOSE.]

* * * * *

HINTS HOW TO ENJOY AN OMNIBUS.

1.  On getting in, care neither for toes or knees of the passengers; but drive your way up to the top, steadying yourself by the shoulders, chests, or even faces of those seated.

2.  Seat yourself with a jerk, pushing against one neighbour, and thrusting your elbow into the side of the other.  You will thus get plenty of room.

3.  If possible, enter with a stick or umbrella, pointed at full length; so that any sudden move of the “bus” may thrust it into some one’s stomach.  It will make you feared.

4.  When seated, occupy, if possible, the room of two, and revenge the treatment you have received on entering, by throwing every opposition in the way of a new-comer, especially if it be a woman with a child in her arms.  It is a good plan to rest firmly on your umbrella, with your arms at right angles.

5.  Open or shut windows as it suits you; men with colds, or women with toothaches, have no business in omnibuses.  If they don’t like it, they can get out; no one forces them to ride.

6.  Young bucks may stare any decent woman out of countenance, put their legs up along the seats, and if going out to dinner, wipe the mud off their boots on the seats.  They are only plush.

Copyrights
Project Gutenberg
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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