Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

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ECCLESIASTICAL TRANSPORTATION.

  Now B—­y P—­l has beat the Whigs,
    The Church can’t understand
  Why Bot’ny Bay should be all sea,
    And have no see on land.

  For such a lamentable want
    Our good Archbishop grieves;
  ’Tis very strange the Tories should
    Remind him of the thieves!

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EPIGRAM.

An American paper tells us of a woman named Dobbs, who was killed in a preaching-house at Nashville, by the fall of a chandelier on her head.  Brett’s Patent Brandy poet, who would as soon make a witticism on a cracked crown as a cracked bottle, has sent us the following:—­

  “The light of life comes from above,”
  Old Dingdrum snuffling said;
  “The light came down on Peggy Dobbs,
  And Peggy Dobbs was dead.”

* * * * *

A man in Kentucky was so absent, that he put himself on the toasting-fork, and did not discover his mistake until he was done brown.

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CONSISTENCY.

  No wonder Tory landlords flout
    “Fix’d Duty,” for ’tis plain,
  With them the Anti-Corn-Law Bill
    Must go against the grain.

* * * * *

The anticipated eruption of Mount Vesuvius is said to have been prevented by throwing a box of Holloway’s Ointment into the crater.

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THE SAILOR’S SECRET.

In the year—­let me see—­but no matter about the date—­my father and mother died of a typhus fever, leaving me to the care of an only relative, and uncle, by my father’s side.  His name was Box, as my name is Box.  I was a babby in long clothes at that time, not even so much as christened; so uncle, taking the hint, I suppose, from the lid of his sea-chest, had me called Bellophron Box.  Bellophron being the name of the ship of which he was sailing-master.

I sha’n’t say anything about my education; though I was brought up in

[Illustration:  A FIRST RATE BOARDING-SCHOOL.]

It’s not much to boast of; but as soon as I could bear the weight of a cockade and a dirk, uncle got me a berth as midshipman on board his own ship.  So there I was, Mr. Bellophron Box.  I didn’t like the sea or the service, being continually disgusted at the partiality shown towards me, for in less than a month I was put over the heads of all my superior officers.  You may stare—­but it’s true; for I was mast-headed for a week at a stretch.  When we put into port, Captain ——­ called me into his cabin, and politely informed me that if I chose to go on shore, and should find it inconvenient to return, no impertinent inquiries should be made after me.  I availed myself of the hint, and exactly one year and two months after setting foot on board the Bellophron, I was Master Bellophron Box again.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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