Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

MY DEAR PUNCH,

Nothing convinces me more of my treacherous memory than my not recollecting you at the memorable “New-boot Supper;” for I certainly must have been as long in that society as yourself.  Be that as it may, you have induced me to scrape together a few reminiscences in an imperfect way, leaving to you, from your better recollection, to correct and flavour the specimen to the palate of your readers, who have, most deservedly, every reliance upon your good taste and moral tendency.  I have in vain tried to meet with the music of “the good old days of Adam and Eve,” consequently have lost the enjoyment of the chorus—­“Sing hey, sing ho!” It would be too much to ask you to sing it, but perhaps you may too-te-too it in your next.  May your good intentions to the would-be AEsculapius be attended with success.—­I remain, dear Punch, your old friend,

TOBY.

ASCITES.

  Abdomen swell’d, which fluctuates when struck upon the side, sirs;
  Face pale and puff’d, and worse than that, with thirst and cough
        beside, sirs;
  Skin dry, and breathing difficult, and pains in epigastrium,
  And watchfulness or partial sleep, with dreams would strike the
        bravest dumb. 
  To cure—­restore the balance of exhalants and absorbents,
  With squill, blue-pill, and other means to soothe the patient’s
        torments.

  GRINDER.

  Sure this is not your climax, sir, to save from Davy’s locker!

  STUDENT.

  Way, no,—­I’d then with caution tap—­when first I’d tied the knocker. 
    Sing hey! sing ho! if you cannot find a new plan,
    In Puseyistic days like these, you’d better try a New-man.

TYMPANITIS.

  The swelling here is different—­sonorous, tense, elastic;
  On it you might a tattoo beat, with fingers or with a stick. 
  There’s costiveness and atrophy, with features Hippocratic;
  When these appear, there’s much to fear, all safety is erratic. 
  Although a cordial laxative, mix’d up with some carminative,
  Might be prescribed, with morphia, or hops, to keep the man alive;
  Take care his diet’s nutritive, avoiding food that’s flatulent,
  And each week let him have a dose of Punch from Mr. Bryant sent. 
    Sing hey! sing ho! &c.

* * * * *

ALARMING PROSPECTS FOR THE COUNTRY.

It appears that no less than one hundred and sixty-four Attorneys have given notice of their intention to practise in the Court of Queen’s Bench; and eleven of the fraternity have applied to be re-admitted Attorneys of the Court.  We had no idea that such an alarming extension was about taking place in

[Illustration:  THE RIFLE CORPS.]

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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