Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

In the mornink he’s a tigger, drest in a tite froc-cote, top-boots, buxkin smawl-closes, and stuck up behind Master Ahghustusses cab.  In the heavening he gives up the tigger, and comes out as the paige, in a fansy jackit, with too rose of guilt buttings, wich makes him the perfeck immidge of Mr. Widdycomb, that ice sea in the serkul at Hashley’s Amphitheatre.  The paige’s bisiness is to weight on the ladies, wich is naterally light work; and being such a small chap, you may suppose they can never make enuff of him.  These are all the upper servants, of coarse, I shan’t lower myself by notusing the infearyour crechurs; such as the owsmade, coke, edcett rar, but shall purceed drackly to the other potion of the fammaly, beginning with the old guv’nor (as Pee-taw cawls him), who as no idear of i life, and, like one of his own taller lites, has only dipped into good sosiety.  Next comes Missus:—­in fact, I ot to have put her fust, for the grey mayor is the best boss in our staybill, (Exkews the wulgarisrm.) After Missus, I give persedince to Mr. Ahghustuss, who, bean the only sun in the house, is natrally looked up to by everybody in it.  He as bean brot up a perfick genelman, at Oxfut, and is consekently fond of spending his knights in le trou de charbon, and afterwards of skewering the streets—­twisting double knockers, pulling singlebelles, and indulging in other fashonable divertions, to wich the low-minded polease, and the settin madgistrets have strong objexions.  His Pa allows him only sicks hundred a-year, wich isn’t above 1/2 enuff to keep a cabb, a cupple of hosses, and other thinks, which it’s not necessary to elude to here.  Isn’t it ogious to curb so fine a spirit?  I wish you see him, Pa; such i’s, and such a pear of beutyful black musquitoes on his lip—­enuff to turn the hidds of all the wimming he meats.  The other membranes of this fammaly are the 3 dorters—­Miss Sofiar, Miss Selinar, and Miss Jorgina, wich are all young ladyes, full groan, and goes in public characters to the Kaledonian bawls, and is likewise angxious to get off hands as soon as a feverable opportunity hoffers.  It’s beleaved the old guv’nor can give them ten thowsand lbs. a-peace, wich of coarse will have great weight with a husband.  There’s some Qrious stoaries going—­Law! there’s Missuses bell.  I must run up-stairs, so must conclewd obroply, but hope to resoom my pen necks weak.

Believe me, my dear Pa,
Your affeckshnt

* * * * *


The following notes actually passed between two (now) celebrated comedians:—­

Dear J——­, Send me a shilling. 
Yours, B——­,
P.S.—­On second thoughts, make it two.

To which his friend replied—­

Dear B——­, I have but one shilling in the world. 
Yours, J——­,
P.S.—­On second thoughts, I want that for dinner.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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