Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.
    For do. leg, ribs, arms, head, nose, or other
        unimportant member 15 0
    For receipt written by wife of handsome provision 1 0
    For writing and indorsing same 5 5
    Extras for alibis, if necessary; hire of clothes for
        witnesses to look decent, including loss by their
        absconding with the name 10 10
          
                                                  -----
      Total L31 15
          
                                                  -----
    For knockers by gross in populous neighbourhoods 20 0
    For carpenter proving same never fitted their
        respective doors there engaged 3 3
    All extras included 1 1
          
                                                  -----
      Total L24 4

    N.B.—­Messrs. Q. and Q. beg to suggest, as the above charges are
    low, the old iron may as well be left at their offices.

    For railings, per knob or dozen, assaults on police
        included, if not amounting to fracture 5 5
    For suppressing police reports, or getting them put
        in in a sporting manner, the word gentleman
        substituted for prisoner, and “seat on the bench”
        for “place at the bar” 10 10
          
                                                  -----
      Total L15 15

    And all other legal articles in the above lines at equally low
    charges.

    Noblemen and gentlemen contracting for seven years allowed a
    handsome discount.  No connexion with any other house.

* * * * *

“WHEN VULCAN FORGED,” &c.

“Bless my soul!” said Sir Peter Laurie, rushing into the Justice-room the morning the Exchequer Bill affair was discovered, and seizing Hobler by the button; “This is a dreadful business.  Have you any idea, Hobler, who the delinquent is?” “Why really, Sir Peter, ’tis difficult to say; but from an inspection of the forged instruments I should say it was Smith’s work.”  Sir Peter felt the importance of the suggestion, and rushed off to Sir Robert Peel to recommend the stoppage of all the forges in the kingdom.

* * * * *

PEEL’S PRE-EXISTENCE!

“Every man is not only himself,” says Sir THOMAS BROWNE; “there hath been many Diogenes, and as many Timons, though but few of that name. Men are lived over again.  The world is now as it was in ages past:  there was none then but there hath been some one since that parallels him, and, as it were, his revived self.”  We are devout believers in the creed.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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