Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

“And had I been aware,” retorted the exasperated Mr. C., “that Peacock was the title of the fellow” (and he laid a forty-horse power of emphasis upon the word) “with whom I have been conversing, my card would never have been delivered to him but with a different motive.”

“Fellow, sir!  I think you said—­Fellow, sir!”

“I did, sir,—­fellow was the word I used, and I repeat it—­fellow—­fellow!”

“You do, sir! and I throw back in your teeth, sir, with the addition of fool, sir!”

“Fool!—­no, no—­not quite a fool—­only near one, sir!”

“You’re a conceited puppy, sir!”

“And you are an impudent scoundrel, sir!”

This brought matters to a crisis.  The parties embraced their canes with more than ordinary ardour, and, by their lowering looks, indicated a fervent desire to violate the peace of her blessed Majesty, when the fair cause of their contention suddenly entered the apartment.

It was no difficult matter, in the positions they occupied, for Georgiana to divine the reason of their animosity; which she effectually allayed by informing the angry disputants, “that either had no reason to look upon the other with any degree of jealousy, for she humbly begged to assure them that her affections were devoted to—­neither.”

This, of course, put a full stop to their chivalry:  each party seized his hat, bowing distantly to the insensible Georgiana, and left the house, vowing certain destruction to the other; but, upon cool reflection, Messrs. C. and P. doubtless deemed it advisable not to endanger the small quantum of brains they individually possessed, by fighting for a lady who was so utterly blind to their manifold merits.

Thus ended the feud of THE RIVAL CANDIDATES.

* * * * *

SIR FRANCIS BURDETT’S VISIT TO THE TOWER.

On the news of the fire in the Tower of London being told to Sir Francis Burdett, he hurried to the scene of the conflagration, which must have suggested some unpleasing reminiscences of his lost popularity and faded glory.  Some thirty years ago, those very walls received him like a second Hampden, the undaunted defender of his country’s rights;—­on last Monday he entered them a broken-down unhonoured parasite.  Gazing on the black and smouldering ruins before him—­he perhaps compared them to his own patriotism, for he was heard to matter audibly—­

[Illustration:  CAN IT BE THAT THIS IS ALL REMAINS OF THEE?]

* * * * *

REFORM YOUR LAWYERS’ BILLS.

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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