Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 1,359 pages of information about Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete.

Mrs. Waddledot was anxious that the boy should be christened Roger de Dickey, after her mother’s great progenitor, who was said to have come over with William the Conqueror, but whether in the capacity of a lacquey or a lord-in-waiting was never, and perhaps never will be, determined.  (Opposed by Agamemnon, on the ground that ill-natured people would be sure to dispense with the De, and his heir would be designated as Roger Dickey.  In this opinion Mrs. Applebite concurred.)

The lady-mother was still more perplexing; she proposed that he should be called—­

ALBERT (we give her own reasons)—­because the Queen’s husband was so named.

AGAMEMNON—­because of the alliteration and his papa.

DAVIS—­because an old maiden lady who was independent had said that she thought it a good name for a boy, as her own was Davis.

MONTAGUE—­because it was a nice-sounding name, and the one she intended to address him by in general conversation.

COLLUMPSION—­as her papa.

PHIPPS—­because she had had a dream in which a number of bags or gold were marked P.H.I.P.P.S.; and

APPLEBITE—­as a matter of course.

(Objected to by Mrs. Waddledot, for—­nothing in particular, and by Agamemnon on the score of economy.  The heir being certain to employ a lawyer, would be certain to pay an enormous interest in that way alone.)

Friends were consulted, but without any satisfactory result; and at length it was agreed that the names should be written upon strips of paper and drawn by the nominees.  The necessary arrangements being completed, the three proceeded to the ballot.

    Mrs. Waddledot drew Isaac. 
    Agamemnon drew Roger de Dickey. 
    Mrs. Applebite drew Phipps.

As a matter of course everybody was dissatisfied; but with a “stern virtue” everybody kept it to themselves, and the heir was accordingly christened Isaac Roger de Dickey Phipps Applebite.

Old John soon realised Agamemnon’s fears of Mrs. Waddledot’s selection, for, whether the patronym of the Norman invader was more in accordance with his own ideas of propriety, or was more readily suggestive to his mind of the infant heir, he was continually speaking of little master Dicky; and upon being remonstrated with upon the subject promised amendment for the future.  All, however, was of no use, for John jumbled the Phipps, the Roger, the Dickey, and the De together, but always contriving most perversely to

[Illustration:  “PUT THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE.”]

* * * * *

A SCANDALOUS REPORT.

We are requested to contradict, by authority, the report that Colonel Sibthorp was the Guy Fawkes seen in Parliament-street.  It is true that a deputation waited upon him to solicit him to take the chair on the 5th of November, but the gallant Colonel modestly declined, much to the disappointment of the young gentlemen who presented the requisition; so much so indeed, that, after exhausting their oratorical powers, they slightly hinted at having recourse to

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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.
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